HI all,
saw the doctor, updated the will, the dnr, all the crap that comes with major surgery, will lose 3 disks in the neck. should say have lost them lol/
the sugery will take about 2.5 hours on thursday at 7:30 am, it starts and God willing... will be home that night as I hate hospitals... as long as I have a caretaker to watch for blood clots that can form at the incision site ..sounds like he will cut from the claviacal to the chin, hope he has done needle point think i am becoming vain..
any way he 's a reallly young guy.. have shoes older than him. we discused the oppps... and agreeed that in the case of a major one, he calls the pallative team in and they take over with the dnr. my guts say I be fine. so now i off to bed am doing the last of the cleaning before the operation and have to put the sides on my carport, yet... and move one garden gate.. oh and new wall paper for my room one wall... glad he is doing it this week or i be dead form the work i have planed... it funny to day i could smell randy right by me as i built the great grandkids bunkbeds to fit the baby mattersses.. what a comfort that was. that closeness.. thanks for the poems all of you i sat here and thought of our best days... and smiled..
sleep well all.

I hope everyone is doing okay, tonight. I am enjoying one of the best fake relationships. It has really taken me some time to get to this level. I never had a fake relationship before so this is all new to me. Before it always was a marriage commitment or atleast a good friendship. To have a relationship with a woman that didn't involve sexual relations when I was younger would have seemed insane to me and the idea would be to have a good friendship. This relationship is not dependent on sex or even real friendship. It is allowing me to grow and at the same time to have a relationship even though it is fake. It is the coolest thing. I have never encountered this before and what is neat about it is like an open type of relationship. At first it was weird but it is beginning to make more sense as time goes by. What was funny to me was when my friends kept asking me what did you two do this weekend because they have real relationships it is hard for them to understand. I must admit to me it was at first hard to understand but what it helps me to do is to mature and practice for when a real relationship comes along.

Hello Everyone!
Just wanted to check in and say hi, hope all is well with you. Have a great day!

Rainbow, don't really understand what you wrote, but hope it continues to work for you.
I think widow & widowers all find unusual paths to continue life. We all make things work for ourselves.

Good Sunday Evening to you all!


((((Rose)))) I hope all goes well with your surgery! I'll be thinking of you!

Rainbow, hope that continues the way you want it to.


((((((OutandAbout)))))) I've been wondering about you. I'm glad you stopped in...Hope you are getting on

Thank you everyone. I was just looking through fourms this evening and happened across this one. I lost my husband 7 months ago and my son 16 year old son 23 months before that. Thankfully I had my husband to help me deal with my sons death but I do not feel that I have had anyone to help me deal with my husbands death. I have a strong relationship with my parents and siblings but none of them truly understand, so being able to read what you have all written was especially touching. It is nice to know that I am not entirely crazy and that there are others that have been through it and can relate to the thoughts and feelings.

"I should probably tell you- my husband was found on the side of the highway, shot in the back of his head..and it was ruled suicide. I've had a long battle with that County over the ruling. But, just so you may be able to understand just a little of my frustration...it's not over with, and I have been working on things for the 5 yrs to get something done. I don't believe for one second that it was suicide...but to go up against cops..woooweeee.... "


Been there done that with the death of my son. I opened the front screen door as the gun went off and it was not up against his head it was passing by, but cannot get the police to change the cause of death even with the cornor backing up what I saw.

I think I might be growing up, oldsage. I know it seems shocking to me as well. I seem to be coming out of the grief that was so hard to deal with. Instead of needing a replacement for the one I lost I am actually am becoming more pickier. Its like I am not looking for a keeper and am not trying as hard. I seem to doing okay just being single. I really didn't think this day would ever come. I had my doubts if I ever could be okay just being single. I mean having a relationship is desirable but it seems like I might just survive without one.

Rainbow, don't remember how long it has been for you, sorry. I was in a fog for 2 yrs. & it took awhile to feel OK single. Now I am even more positive, I will never marry again. I get more & more comfortable with being single. Doesn't mean I don't date, I do. I have some ladies a see ona constant basis, one even shares her grandkids, since mine are on the east coast. We all NEED friends & maybe more. Each of us has to find our comfort zone with the situation forced upon us.
That zone can change at different times & we need to just "go with the flow." I keep my hand on the rudder & watch out for hidden trees, though.
Keep going & accept what you want, throw the rest away.

4roses, hope you are recovering as good as poss.
Keep us posted when you can.

Its been three years and three months, oldsage. I felt like I was born married I had been in the married state for so long. Married the same one twice; First it lasted for four years with five years unmarried then thirteen years married, again. Then met the one that passed for six and a half years. I really don't date in the traditional sense but meet many ladies because of my job. The sharing of grandkids is awesome. It has been about three years since I have seen my grandkids. One lady that I work with I have seen her grand daughter. The grand daughter just turned four. She, the coworker is just so radically different than other ladies that I have been with before. I have many friends now because of work. I feel comfortable now because of work. But then it is beginning to be okay now that I am not at work. It is okay to be alone. It has been a progression. It progressed to be okay till I approached the road to my house from work. Then it was oh no back to the haunted home. But I have done much to the place and being outside the house is okay, today. Was a big switch going from third shift to second shift. I don't have to live at work any more. I through myself into work for a while and that was a way to deal with the grief. It is like the grief is losing its hold on me because the road from work to home isn't a dreaded thing any more. Maybe it has something to do with the pets. Maybe its a combination of the pets; Having a good television reception and all the sharing I have done online and offline. I do feel more comfortable with it today.

((((((OutandAbout)))))) I've been wondering about you. I'm glad you stopped in...Hope you are getting on



Thanks, I have been. Lots of things to keep me busy-for the sake of enjoying life, not just ignoring the past. I think things will be just fine.
Have a great day!

{{{{{Iamherefornow}}}}} Big hugs to you!

I am so sorry to read of the passing of your beloved son and husband. I am also so glad you found us here!! We talk and share and it's a good thing to do so. Please post as often as you wish, we all pop in and out. I'm Connie and it's nice meeting you.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{BETTY}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}


BIG HUGS for you today on the 12th anniversary of your loss! I am thinking of you my friend.

Thank you ((((((((((((( Connie))))))))))))))))
Yes 12 years has gone by. Hard to believe , but he is still very much remembered and loved and will always be in our hearts and souls.
Even when you get on with your life they will always remain part of you. Not in a sad morbid way but rather a joyful and comforting way.
My girls and I did not go to the cemetary as we decided to go out to dinner and be together as family. We each drank a toast to the man we loved so much , and talked and talked about all the good memories we shared.

People should be remembered with joy, not sorrow.
I want NO tears shed for me, tell stories & remember good times.

Hi Don
Yes I agree ,and that is why we chose not to go to grave site.
We wanted to remember him with joy and laughter ,because that is what he gave us!He did not like to see us sad and crying ,and this is what he would have wanted .Especially the toast with a drink

I agree, Don. My dad said that my grandfather said, "Give me roses while I am alive; Don't wait to put them on my grave where I can't enjoy them." Bought some new windows for the house I am living in. Trying to make it more energy efficient. Have been working outside to on the fenceline cleaning up old grapevines. I am trying to make the place more homey and less spooky.

Good Morning ((((ALL)))))

Rainbow that sounds WONDERFUL! It feels good to get things accomplished doesn't it?!! Good for you!

Any news on 4roses after the operation???