agreed, there are some people who live in a haze, they dont understand nor do they make an attempt to move forward (applies to life in general).

and there are some people, who take things at face value (also applies to life in general).

Thanks

Well, ultimately, maybie thats why people seek closure. So they can move forward.

just my personal opinion - closure is a personal affirmation or acceptance of a situation. I just question why some would think that anyone besides themselves can stop them from moving forward.

make sense?

Take a look at the gehstult method, or why people write letters to people who are dead and then burn them. Thats closure as well. The final method of these is to face the person if possable. some things need to be said. I agree you can do it by yourself, but it's not as effective. Plus you seriously limit your chances to grow as a person.

Thanks, but please elaborate. Why would you state its not as effective and that it limits your chance of growth?

I personally dont think that some things need to be said. I think someone feels they need, want, and/or expect to hear something (reason, excuse, or explanation). Nothing wrong, either way in my eyes, so long as it works for them.

Dont want to be misunderstood as I am not critizing anyone's method of closure, just trying to understand the reasoning behind it.

The only person that can limit 'my' growth (for example) is me.

Fran, this post, about growth..... I listed this in my response as well.

It is a chance at self-reflection based on others views. Food for thought, I'd say. No man or woman is an island, as like it or not the views and perspectives of others impact our behaviors and opinions.

Respect your view and you're right, I most certainly am not an island but the only one that can 'limit' my growth is me. For I believe that where there is a will there is a way.

I've never met one person, that feels good about a break up. However I've seen plenty of horrible breakups and been involved in one myself with my ex.

Breaking up with someone you love is never easy. But being mature enough to talk and walk away with open communication is hard.

People say just let it go, well what about those relationships where children are involved? Then the two will HAVE to have some form of communication. How about being mature enough to know that although it didn't work out, we can sit down like to mature adults and find a peaceful resolve. Let's get to the root of the situation and figure out a way we can end this in a healthy way for the sake of the children (and ourselves).

I am amazed at how most people think that when a couple breaks up, it only involves those two people. NO, if the relationship was serious (espcially if the couple were involved long term), then it usually involved a whole group of people: children, family, friends, etc.

It is not my idea of re-hashing all the the things that went wrong in the relationship as far as blame goes. But asking what can I learn from this? How can we do this as amicable as possible? How can we work out a plan that will least affect the child(ren)or all this break up will effect?

Short story:

I remember sitting in court one day (waiting for the judge to sign my paperwork). There was this couple before the judge; Fighting, they were making accusations against each other regarding their child. It was apparent that this fighting had been going on for some time. The judge knew them well.

As a bystander, they both looked really silly, and my heart went out for the child. Their fighting had nothing to do with child, but unfortunately she was used as a scapegoat,for their pain and immaturity.

I remember going back to the clerk crying over what I had witnessed. I told the lady behind the counter, that it hurt to see that two adults could not be responsible enough to think about the child first, who had no power over what was happening in her life.

The issue: The husband left his wife and child for another woman. He even brought his new woman to court.

Problem: The wife was devasted. She didn't have closure and was in pain. The husband, vindictive, was set out to humilate her for whatever reason. The new girlfriend, the token, who sat back in the court with this smirk on her face as if she was better than his wife.

I sat there and wondered how long would it be before the girlfriend would realized that she too was a victim, and could easily have been the wife in court that day.


The lesson: Age does not gaurantee WISDOM nor MATURITY.

It would be nice if we all could be mature enough to understand that closure is for growth. Not ot blame, not beg and plead why, not to try to get their mate back, but to learn, to get an understanding.

Usually if people don't learn the first time around, they are doomed to repeat those same mistakes until the lesson is learned.

EvyT..... Yes, I was that woman except I was quiet, I sat in the waiting area reading. Oh and the GF was preggo in court. I used to call them the PB&B .... (paramour/carrying the bastard & bastard) The new woman is now separated from my loser of any ex after two kids and him losing five jobs, and my ex still treats me the way he did then. As if I care about him! Ha!!!!

The only I closure I have in my relationship with him is personal. And I did that. My ongoing parenting issues... well I get closure on an "event" by "event" basis through my friends and family.

I can no longer be victimized by him and I hate the double standard. I did however, choose to marry a fool and have his child. But my son will not suffer if I have anything to do with it.

EvyT and Lilith - two amazing and strong women, thanks for sharing.

I was the one that was oblivious to the demise of my marriage. Swore we were happy (how ironic), until one day (sh!t happens huh); I went thru a myriad of emotions but I didnt and still dont hold him responsible nor feel he owes me a thing.
I found the strength within myself to not blame him nor pity myself either. It took all my strength to remain positive about myself and continue my journey.

I truly understand that what works for one may not work for another. Just sharing what worked for me

giving reasons & explanations just prolongs the separation process & adds to the hurt....i try to avoid those & just say we are not the match i thought we would be....i wish you the best on finding that special someone....

the answer is insecurity.

there is of course no need for explanation. there is only one reason for a breakup. lack of interest.

I think I need closure!!

a zipper, buttons or snaps ought to work Gypsy just kidding

<---being NAUGHTY!!! maybe I need a safety pin!!!

you rocka safety pin - that sounds dangerous

you need a pin alright.
i'll wrestle ya for it.

to know is better than wondering

mwhahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!