Community > Dating & Relationships

Topic: CLOSURE
franshade Joined Tue 07/24/07 Posts: 24704	Thu 07/17/08 07:11 AM
Sometimes an excuse is to make that person feel better about ending the relationship True, to ease or reassure the other party. Yep, have had that happen but I look at it this way, his loss, I moved on and found a good man I'm with you bad_girl

bad_girl Joined Tue 07/17/07 Posts: 67379	Thu 07/17/08 07:13 AM
Sometimes an excuse is to make that person feel better about ending the relationship True, to ease or reassure the other party. Yep, have had that happen but I look at it this way, his loss, I moved on and found a good man I'm with you bad_girl

franshade Joined Tue 07/24/07 Posts: 24704	Thu 07/17/08 07:17 AM
Honestly, if its over its over. No-body owes anyone an explanation at all. I do know that if it ends really fast and if you were getting along really good...sometimes it does leave you asking question about why it ended. Obviously both of you were not on the same page about the relationship so don't keep beating yourself up about it. Sometimes you just have to let things go and pick yourself up and move on Thank you unsure

longhairbiker Joined Tue 09/04/07 Posts: 26589	Thu 07/17/08 07:19 AM
Hmmmmmm. Why do we need closure? Because there's nothing more worse, degrading, and embarassing than an ex showing up at your front door at 3am in a leapord miniskirt drunk, crying, mascara running yelling "WHY? WHY? WHY?" Wounded animal syndrome doesn't go over well in my neighborhood.

buttons Joined Mon 11/06/06 Posts: 25783	Thu 07/17/08 07:20 AM
what was the question again? lol brb

buttons Joined Mon 11/06/06 Posts: 25783	Thu 07/17/08 07:24 AM
Can someone politely explain why people have the need for explanations, reasons, etc., when a relationship dies? While in a relationship if your significant other, your partner, your lover, bf/gf, husband/wife wakes up and decides he/she has had enough and wants out. What good would an explanation, reason, excuse be? What purpose will it fulfill save for validation? oh thought maybe it had to do with closure.... but it doesnt.. myself, i dont understand why people need explanation when the answer is already there,,, it just didnt work you are two different people... sometimes i think one needs explanation cause they havent closed it....

buttons Joined Mon 11/06/06 Posts: 25783	Thu 07/17/08 07:27 AM
for instance a silly example... she says its cause you dont put the toilet seat down... well so whos fault is it? his or hers? cause in that case he may think she is just plain nit picky... facts are who cares? whos fault that is?

franshade Joined Tue 07/24/07 Posts: 24704	Thu 07/17/08 07:28 AM
Hmmmmmm. Why do we need closure? Because there's nothing more worse, degrading, and embarassing than an ex showing up at your front door at 3am in a leapord miniskirt drunk, crying, mascara running yelling "WHY? WHY? WHY?" Wounded animal syndrome doesn't go over well in my neighborhood. wow, thanks for the visual

franshade Joined Tue 07/24/07 Posts: 24704	Thu 07/17/08 07:29 AM
for instance a silly example... she says its cause you dont put the toilet seat down... well so whos fault is it? his or hers? cause in that case he may think she is just plain nit picky... facts are who cares? whos fault that is? EvyT - said it best, break ups should not be a blame game but a learning experience.

lilith401 Joined Wed 10/31/07 Posts: 19593	Thu 07/17/08 07:38 AM
hiya {{{lilith}}} thanks for participating, closure queen Quick hypothetical question, if you are not given the explanation/excuse or reason you seek, can you still find closure? Absoluteky I can. I find it within myself and through conversations with friends. I suppose closure, to me, is part of my wanting to make sure things are right and that I exhibited the behavior that I would want shown to me. The golden rule, I suppose.

franshade Joined Tue 07/24/07 Posts: 24704	Thu 07/17/08 07:39 AM
hiya {{{lilith}}} thanks for participating, closure queen Quick hypothetical question, if you are not given the explanation/excuse or reason you seek, can you still find closure? Absoluteky I can. I find it within myself and through conversations with friends. I suppose closure, to me, is part of my wanting to make sure things are right and that I exhibited the behavior that I would want shown to me. The golden rule, I suppose. Thank you!!!

longhairbiker Joined Tue 09/04/07 Posts: 26589	Thu 07/17/08 07:48 AM
Closure is when the court documents are signed. Judgements are reached. Affidavits and sworn statements are finished. And declarations and restraining orders are posted in the paper.

longhairbiker Joined Tue 09/04/07 Posts: 26589	Thu 07/17/08 07:51 AM
Closure is when the court documents are signed. Judgements are reached. Affidavits and sworn statements are finished. And declarations and restraining orders are posted in the paper. ....after that if you need to know anymore "Why's?" I feel you need to see a clinical psychologist.

longhairbiker Joined Tue 09/04/07 Posts: 26589	Thu 07/17/08 07:57 AM
Closure is when the court documents are signed. Judgements are reached. Affidavits and sworn statements are finished. And declarations and restraining orders are posted in the paper. ....after that if you need to know anymore "Why's?" I feel you need to see a clinical psychologist. but once again its just my opinion from what I've observed. Nothing funnier than two drunks argueing on a street corner at 3am about why their marriage broke up 10 years ago and neither will let it go- they have been argueing about the "Why's?" for the whole 10 years. Neither moves on.

longhairbiker Joined Tue 09/04/07 Posts: 26589	Thu 07/17/08 08:10 AM
I have an idiot savant freind who has been argueing with his ex for 17 years over closure and reasons they broke up. A few months ago they tried to put me in the middle of the arguement. That flew like a lead balloon. They asked me why they broke up. I looked at him and said "Because you're a drunk." and I looked at her and said "Because you're a whore." They haven't asked me one question since. He wakes up with a beer in his hand. She's slept with everything with a penis and a heartbeat in the area and got caught 50 times. Yeah its hard to keep a straight face when their daughter walks up and says "Daddy? What's a venerial disease?" "Why would you ask that honey?" "Because I got a call from the doctor saying moms got one again." ouch!

longhairbiker Joined Tue 09/04/07 Posts: 26589	Thu 07/17/08 08:13 AM
I have an idiot savant freind who has been argueing with his ex for 17 years over closure and reasons they broke up. A few months ago they tried to put me in the middle of the arguement. That flew like a lead balloon. They asked me why they broke up. I looked at him and said "Because you're a drunk." and I looked at her and said "Because you're a whore." They haven't asked me one question since. He wakes up with a beer in his hand. She's slept with everything with a penis and a heartbeat in the area and got caught 50 times. Yeah its hard to keep a straight face when their daughter walks up and says "Daddy? What's a venerial disease?" "Why would you ask that honey?" "Because I got a call from the doctor saying moms got one again." ouch! ...I told him "Have another beer, you will feel better."

franshade Joined Tue 07/24/07 Posts: 24704	Thu 07/17/08 08:21 AM
Closure is when the court documents are signed. Judgements are reached. Affidavits and sworn statements are finished. And declarations and restraining orders are posted in the paper. ....after that if you need to know anymore "Why's?" I feel you need to see a clinical psychologist. but once again its just my opinion from what I've observed. Nothing funnier than two drunks argueing on a street corner at 3am about why their marriage broke up 10 years ago and neither will let it go- they have been argueing about the "Why's?" for the whole 10 years. Neither moves on. great posts! thanks Longhairbiker

franshade Joined Tue 07/24/07 Posts: 24704	Thu 07/17/08 08:22 AM
I have an idiot savant freind who has been argueing with his ex for 17 years over closure and reasons they broke up. A few months ago they tried to put me in the middle of the arguement. That flew like a lead balloon. They asked me why they broke up. I looked at him and said "Because you're a drunk." and I looked at her and said "Because you're a whore." They haven't asked me one question since. He wakes up with a beer in his hand. She's slept with everything with a penis and a heartbeat in the area and got caught 50 times. Yeah its hard to keep a straight face when their daughter walks up and says "Daddy? What's a venerial disease?" "Why would you ask that honey?" "Because I got a call from the doctor saying moms got one again." ouch! yikes

franshade Joined Tue 07/24/07 Posts: 24704	Thu 07/17/08 08:22 AM
I have an idiot savant freind who has been argueing with his ex for 17 years over closure and reasons they broke up. A few months ago they tried to put me in the middle of the arguement. That flew like a lead balloon. They asked me why they broke up. I looked at him and said "Because you're a drunk." and I looked at her and said "Because you're a whore." They haven't asked me one question since. He wakes up with a beer in his hand. She's slept with everything with a penis and a heartbeat in the area and got caught 50 times. Yeah its hard to keep a straight face when their daughter walks up and says "Daddy? What's a venerial disease?" "Why would you ask that honey?" "Because I got a call from the doctor saying moms got one again." ouch! ...I told him "Have another beer, you will feel better." You're on a roll

longhairbiker Joined Tue 09/04/07 Posts: 26589	Thu 07/17/08 08:32 AM
No I seriously understand. But how many people out there are tired of hearing their freinds and family members dump reasons and excuses on you about why their relationships failed and will not let it go and accept closure? Hold up your hands and say "I". My my my, you're supposed to celebrate life and live it. You're not supposed to live your life in your past failed relationship. Once again- some people get too comfortable in their own misery. They like it there.