Can someone politely explain why people have the need for explanations, reasons, etc., when a relationship dies?

While in a relationship if your significant other, your partner, your lover, bf/gf, husband/wife wakes up and decides he/she has had enough and wants out. What good would an explanation, reason, excuse be? What purpose will it fulfill save for validation?

I guess for me, I like to know if there was something specific or concrete that I did to contribute to the demise of the relationship so I can improve for 'next time'.

Does this mean it's over,?

because it should be said. Sometimes the truth hurts but I would rather know the truth then left hanging and wondering if it was my fault or just him???

I do not believe an explanation and closure are one in the same. As you know I do not think closure exists. It is a pop psych term.

An explanation might or might not assuage one's ego. However, remember the cliche, "be careful what you wish for"

quick question EsJ
why assume it was something you did?

why Gypsy? to ease an ego? there was no fault, one party just decided they wanted out.

neva!

same as when a person after having grown into adulthood finds that they were adopted, and then begins to feel that their entire life has been a lie. why? would they have lived any differently had they been raised by their biological parents, i wonder

Because it is the human thing to do. Humans have feelings....

I don't like the idea of assigning fault to a relationship that's not working...most of the time the issues are clear enough. If someone wants to tell me what they feel went wrong, I will listen to their opinion, but chances are, I will not see it the same way...so mark almost all endings as irreconcilable differences and close the file.

I agree.

I am just as human as everyone.

Question remains unanswered, why would explanations be due, they just came to a realization that they wanted out. no one is at fault, no one is to blame, what then?

Nothing much you can do but let them go.

well wen my ex said she wanted out i opend the door even though we were maried over 20 years. but i felt the coldness in both our relationships for months in advance

That, in itself, is an 'explanation' to me - or would provide me with 'closure' -- hearing someone say it wasn't anything specific you did, I've just had a change of heart. Fine, I can live with that and move on; however, sometimes (often, I'm sure) there are REASONS (habits/behaviours that were annoying/frustrating, etc) that a person can be made aware of, deal with and make necessary changes, if they want to improve their ability to have a sustainable, successful relationship in the future.

another question for you EsJ - and you would trust this persons reasonings/observations to change/mold yourself differently for your future relationships?

wow that must have been hard!!

But you hit it on the nose, most times we are all aware of changes that occur in relationships, we just opt to ignore or not to pay them attention one way or another - which is why I ask why people need validations/reasons/excuses?

fran,

Lots of variables here, obviously -- someone you're married to, or in a serious, committed relationship will hopefully have valid insights into your behaviour/contributions in the relationship and why it failed overall and I would def take time to ponder, sort and evaluate their opinions to see if I could/should make changes.

On the other hand, someone who goes MIA from a budding relationship and leaves me with no 'closure' as to why - well, in that case, I agree with you ... the reasons probably don't really matter - whether they got bored, distracted or had a change of heart, the outcome likely had little to do with me as an individual (still hurts like hell sometimes ).

Okay, I think I'm rambling - I'll stop

dont stop EsJ thanks for your input

I'll learn from everyone here at one point or another

Guess since I am always preaching and spreading positive inspirational writings, I cannot see myself taking the person, who decided they no longer wanted to be with me, opinions very highly.

Also always curious as to why one party has to assume blame for anything? or try to change?

Now who's rambling