to know what the other person's opinion is (not fact). We allow ourselves more information in which to doubt ourselves no?

their opinion mattered when we were involved.I myself have only had one serious relationship that lasted 12 yrs.If I had a short relationship i think it would matter less

Thanks Tina, but would you rely on their opinion to find closure is what I guess I want to ask. or is closure the acceptance that things did not work out and time to move on.

I too have had long relationships vs. fewer shorter ones.

i wouldn't rely on it just good to know what their opinion was so i then didn't have to wonder.I've yet to totaly move on.I'm still trying to figer out what my life will be in the future

sorry to hear Tina, you're still unable to move on, that sucks. Dont wonder any more, you are an amazing, strong, powerful woman who has faced (this) challenge head on. Your future will be as bright as the effort and positivity you put forth!!!

Noooooooooo. The point is that we much take things with a grain of salt, some popcorn and fine grained, others kosher and larger. Then there is the great salt flats....

We need to take that information and consider it, weigh it, and decide if it has merit or worth. We decide. But if we do not have that information or decide we do not need it, well, then who the hell do we think we are? You know?

I can say I know who I am quite easily, not sure if I misread your question or tone (if my mistake I apologize).

I can tell you about me, my character, my strengths and my weakenesses and all the other stuff I that makes me, me Lilith.

Two people supplied the same information will not get the same outlook nor input. Does not make one right and the other wrong just makes us different.

thank you its his fault i feel for giving my son and I false hope that he'd changed

I totally agree. I just mean that it is a good idea to accept information, to hear it, and then decide what to do with it. I know if I valued the person enough to let them in my life, I must have respected them at some point. Therefore, they might have a viewpoint or opinion I had not thought of.

If they do, great. If not, Oh well. But I hardly think I have the right to say that it is not worth hearing them out as I know who I am already. I am learning and evolving everyday.

(No tone here, just frank discussion)

Of course we are all different and take things differently, I've been saying that all along in my posts. Our views are no so different on very much, dear Fran.

this too shall pass, focus on positive things, the fact that you are you, you're young, beautiful, smart, etc, the fact that your son has you as a great role model... focus less and less on the ex, focus less on blame, as hard as it sounds just let it go -- just my personal advice

wish you nothing but the very best Tina - it's a rough road ahead of you, but the journey is beautiful!

I like the finality of it all. Helps me close the chapter and start a new one. IMHO

never implied such Lilith, you have the right and option to hear anyone out, entirely your choice. My question has been all along, why some feel they need/want/expect discussions/explanations in order to get closure. Closure to me - means accepting the fact that the relationship (any type) is over. A personal issue within is what I am saying.


The reason for my asking this question, to hear and learn from those who think differently.

Fran. I know. And on this we do. I want to hear that stuff from others in my life, especially if a friendship or relationship ends. I do want to know.

I am agreeing it comes from within but all the information is relevant to me and I assign value to it.

Once again I say IMHO that obtaining the knowledge does not mean closure. You understand things better. You put them into perspective, and perhaps even behind you, but as long as you carry the knowledge with you the story is never entirely finished. The very act of using what you've learned to help you with another relationship means you have not forgotten or totally closed off that which has passed.

I am happy as long as it works for you

Thanks Fade

What an interesting thread.
I have struggled with "closure" and in some respects I still am. Part of it is a hanging on to dead past,unwilling to let it go. Why?? Trying to make myself not the "bad guy"?
I had a painful situation years ago, involing a child. There was a period of bitterness and resentment that lasting for about 2-3 yrs.
When I finally realised she "didn't do this TO ME"
it was just what she did, I was able to let go of all of it.

Well,,of course, information gathering is important in ALL aspects of life,,,

If I lose a job, i want to know why

If the information is relevant,,I will correct my "core"

Oh,,you wanted me to show up on time every day?

but if the "reason" was because their long lost neice NEEDED the job,,

Then you can kiss my core,,

Point is,,,closure is within MYSELF, opinion is someone elses

thanks MichiganMan3. So your realization helped with the closure. Thanks

We never put anything completely behind us as you can't erase your memories, and they will jump up and bite you when you least expect them too. You can come to grips with it, you can move on, but you can never make it go completely away. And even when you are not aware of it your memories can shape your actions of today, the way you see people and situations. Closure is a good tool it gives you a place to start from when you regroup after a relationship has gone bust. It forces you to acknowledge that the relationship is indeed over, whether you want it to be or not. Some people can't let things go without closure, and some people never find closure no matter how many times they are told. It is all in your perspective....