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| Topic: Partner History.. | |
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I don't so much care where they've been, but don't want to think they will be promiscuous while we date either. I will trust him if he says he won't until he gives me reason not to. If he wants to know my history, it doesn't bother me in the least. It's a fairly short conversation anyway.
 
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any person i've been with I've learned from the experience in some way and it makes the person i am today.I've never forgotten the people I think about them from time to time about again its a small list.
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Unless you are a habitual cheater...then...well then you have to find someone else to convince. And this, was what I was alluding to. It matters not how many partners one has had. It DOES matter why - if I am seeking anything other than an Intimate Encounter or a casual fvck buddy. The amount of partners anyone has had does not label them as a cheater Yes. Or, they do serial monogamy. Or perhaps that they need more than one at a time to be happy. Nothing wrong with that, as long as your partners all know and agree. Its not my bag. |
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You wouldn't want to know if she slept with the entire football team????
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I don't so much care where they've been, but don't want to think they will be promiscuous while we date either. There are such fine lines between trust, blind faith, and denial. The only healthy one of these is trust. Its to our advantage to be able to know the difference between them. I am not one for "don't ask, don't tell". *The above is meant more as self reflection for myself than a comment to anyone else* |
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The whole point in asking is to find out truth?? Well I could say I have only slept with 3 people my whole life and actually have slept with 300. If no one else ever told then how is the other person to know the truth and if you never find out the truth then did it really matter? Other than health issues what does that number really mean pre/your relationship? We all have a past and if we are honest, most of it isnt really nice.
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my opinion...there is just to many people out there not to bring this up as a serious discussion...and so many people lie, and curve the truth...its just not safe anymore..so if ya cant discuss this, then maybe you shouldnt be in a relationship with that person--jmo That's the thing, it will never get to a relationship
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 medical history, ie std's would be very important..but how many lover's has you partner had?? who cares  exactly |
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my opinion...there is just to many people out there not to bring this up as a serious discussion...and so many people lie, and curve the truth...its just not safe anymore..so if ya cant discuss this, then maybe you shouldnt be in a relationship with that person--jmo That's the thing, it will never get to a relationship why can't they get that my friend? 
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Sshshsh I'm sorry but I'm 49 who they sleep with 30 years ago or how many does not have anything to do with today. Hellooooooooo if they were infected it would have already surfaced guaranteed.
Now the past couple of relationships if they were long term there names will finally come up in a conversation or at least the relationship may minus the name. If one is so unsure of the one your with get tested but..... keep in mind it does take like 3 months for some things to show up in your system sooooooooo guess that means you must tie them down for 3 months then test them ohh and for safe measures put them in a round room and re-test 3 months later to make sure. Some where down the line you must learn to trust the one your with and realize no one wants the thought of having something themselves and pass it on. Myself heck I give blood believe me if you have something they will let you know and sure will not call you back to give again as they do me. 
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I guess from my standpoint (having been married most of my adult life and now just re-entering the whole dating scene) this issue is a very sensitive topic. If I start seeing someone who's been single and playing the field for the past 20 years, and I've been in a monogamous relationship - we may have very different expectations of sex and what it means to 'us'. I wouldn't want to know specific numbers or what activities were engaged in b/c that would only increase the level of intimidation that I was feeling (and b/c what happens between 2 consenting adults is none of my business), but to think that our very different pasts wouldn't affect our expectations of the relationship would be naive and unrealistic, imo.
I'm all about being honest and open with someone I care about -- but in a gradual, appropriate manner and timeframe. |
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Edited by
robert1652
on
Sat 05/24/08 08:17 AM
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Sshshsh I'm sorry but I'm 49 who they sleep with 30 years ago or how many does not have anything to do with today. Hellooooooooo if they were infected it would have already surfaced guaranteed. Now the past couple of relationships if they were long term there names will finally come up in a conversation or at least the relationship may minus the name. If one is so unsure of the one your with get tested but..... keep in mind it does take like 3 months for some things to show up in your system sooooooooo guess that means you must tie them down for 3 months then test them ohh and for safe measures put them in a round room and re-test 3 months later to make sure. Some where down the line you must learn to trust the one your with and realize no one wants the thought of having something themselves and pass it on. Myself heck I give blood believe me if you have something they will let you know and sure will not call you back to give again as they do me. Fantastic and I do that and anytime one asks I show them the donor card and walk away from them |
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my opinion...there is just to many people out there not to bring this up as a serious discussion...and so many people lie, and curve the truth...its just not safe anymore..so if ya cant discuss this, then maybe you shouldnt be in a relationship with that person--jmo That's the thing, it will never get to a relationship why can't they get that my friend? We know it intimidates most men for us to ask. Most of us females know not to ask until the general information is offered. A stand-up guy will usually not hide it. 
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I guess from my standpoint (having been married most of my adult life and now just re-entering the whole dating scene) this issue is a very sensitive topic. If I start seeing someone who's been single and playing the field for the past 20 years, and I've been in a monogamous relationship - we may have very different expectations of sex and what it means to 'us'. I wouldn't want to know specific numbers or what activities were engaged in b/c that would only increase the level of intimidation that I was feeling (and b/c what happens between 2 consenting adults is none of my business), but to think that our very different pasts wouldn't affect our expectations of the relationship would be naive and unrealistic, imo. I'm all about being honest and open with someone I care about -- but in a gradual, appropriate manner and timeframe. hear hear |
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my opinion...there is just to many people out there not to bring this up as a serious discussion...and so many people lie, and curve the truth...its just not safe anymore..so if ya cant discuss this, then maybe you shouldnt be in a relationship with that person--jmo That's the thing, it will never get to a relationship why can't they get that my friend? Meaning: If a woman attemtps to start digging into my history within the first few dates it throws an immediate red flag up, pretty much a deal breaker. Get to know me and what I bring to the future..Not my past..that is irrelevant...Digging into my history has nothing to do with STD's.. Now, I for one dont want to get infected either. Talking over being tested and STD's over the first few dates is well odd. What if after a few dates I am not interested? How does sex even come up yet that soon? Once a mutual feeling is made that we may go further and pursue relations of some sort I have no problem discussing about being tested....That makes full sense, knowing how many women I have been with? Whether it is 1 or 50, that has no substance in my opinion |
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Unless you are a habitual cheater...then...well then you have to find someone else to convince. And this, was what I was alluding to. It matters not how many partners one has had. It DOES matter why - if I am seeking anything other than an Intimate Encounter or a casual fvck buddy. The amount of partners anyone has had does not label them as a cheater Yes. Or, they do serial monogamy. Or perhaps that they need more than one at a time to be happy. Nothing wrong with that, as long as your partners all know and agree. Its not my bag.
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I don't so much care where they've been, but don't want to think they will be promiscuous while we date either. I will trust him if he says he won't until he gives me reason not to. If he wants to know my history, it doesn't bother me in the least. It's a fairly short conversation anyway. Marvelously put
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Unless you are a habitual cheater...then...well then you have to find someone else to convince. And this, was what I was alluding to. It matters not how many partners one has had. It DOES matter why - if I am seeking anything other than an Intimate Encounter or a casual fvck buddy. The amount of partners anyone has had does not label them as a cheater Yes. Or, they do serial monogamy. Or perhaps that they need more than one at a time to be happy. Nothing wrong with that, as long as your partners all know and agree. Its not my bag. Not sure I get your meaning. Care to elaborate? |
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my opinion...there is just to many people out there not to bring this up as a serious discussion...and so many people lie, and curve the truth...its just not safe anymore..so if ya cant discuss this, then maybe you shouldnt be in a relationship with that person--jmo That's the thing, it will never get to a relationship why can't they get that my friend? We know it intimidates most men for us to ask. Most of us females know not to ask until the general information is offered. A stand-up guy will usually not hide it. neither you or dozens like you may be able to intimidate me the sea is full of fish and the world is the oyster was it or the lobster
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my opinion...there is just to many people out there not to bring this up as a serious discussion...and so many people lie, and curve the truth...its just not safe anymore..so if ya cant discuss this, then maybe you shouldnt be in a relationship with that person--jmo That's the thing, it will never get to a relationship why can't they get that my friend? Meaning: If a woman attemtps to start digging into my history within the first few dates it throws an immediate red flag up, pretty much a deal breaker. Get to know me and what I bring to the future..Not my past..that is irrelevant...Digging into my history has nothing to do with STD's.. Now, I for one dont want to get infected either. Talking over being tested and STD's over the first few dates is well odd. What if after a few dates I am not interested? How does sex even come up yet that soon? Once a mutual feeling is made that we may go further and pursue relations of some sort I have no problem discussing about being tested....That makes full sense, knowing how many women I have been with? Whether it is 1 or 50, that has no substance in my opinion 
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