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| Topic: Partner History.. | |
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I believe if it's happens again, I am just going to call her out on it and ask..."Why do you want to know?"  Good idea.
Yeah, but answering a question with another question is SO annoying, don't you think? Not in regards to this....There are many question that are asked that could be asked with a question in return... I need to see the value in giving a response... |
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Everybody starts afresh when they start dating somebody. We would like to believe this, but truth is, we are all a product of our past experience and cannot deny it, even in hoping to start with a blank slate. Even with the best of intentions. Inside, our cores are what they are. I feel it is best to be honest; not to delude yourself or others into thinking you are who you are not - or that you are capable of what you may not be, based on every past experience of your life. In denying self-awareness and personal accountability, you are only setting yourself and your partner up for pain and heartache later. Yes, people can change in some ways, but usually only if they are wanting that change for themselves, not another. AND, if there are no other "stumbling blocks" in the way, no matter what that might be. I agree to an extent with what you are saying, but this whole thing of dragging it out into the open by means of a conversation is probably a bit OTT in the beginning. To be honest, if you have got to start talking about sex in the very beginning, that usually means that there is limited communication going on. That also shows that you/he/she is after one thing and one thing only. So in theory there is no need to even ask the question, because you know the answer. I just see what I see and trust my own judgment and if I am wrong, well, I quite like being surprised sometimes. Well, not in all cases. Some folk are very sexually driven and sexual compatibility can be a very big part of the choice they make in a long term life partner. Maybe not so for most vanillas, but to some other groups, yes. I think talking about it is healthy and shows maturity. I'm not talking about sexual innuendo. I'm talking about basic compatibility. I feel communication should be open and thorough about every area of compatability, not just sexuality. I suppose you are right if you are talking about certain sexual behaviour.... and how compatable you are in that respect.. but I think you are deviating into something that isn't wholey what the guy (who started this thread) was going on about. Asking how many sexual partners you have had, well, from what I have seen and heard... well, it is just one of those daft conversations and most people lie anyway... mature? Hardley |
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A woman I was dating about a year ago just volunteered it once. Just in general conversation, she blurted out..I have only been with 3 men my entire life.... I was like OK?...I did not see why she offered that information, then there was the pause where she expected me to reply with mine and I didnt..... We stopped seeing each other about two weeks later.... Her loss |
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I believe if it's happens again, I am just going to call her out on it and ask..."Why do you want to know?" Good idea.
Yeah, but answering a question with another question is SO annoying, don't you think? Maybe saying, "I'm thinking maybe there are deeper concerns you may have than simply how many people I've been with" might work better? |
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I believe if it's happens again, I am just going to call her out on it and ask..."Why do you want to know?" Good idea.
Yeah, but answering a question with another question is SO annoying, don't you think? Not in regards to this....There are many question that are asked that could be asked with a question in return... I need to see the value in giving a response... Pssst, <whispers> I was being facetious... |
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I think asking about health history is one thing, but how many partners is irrelevant. Men seem to respond that this as an invasion of privacy while women here have said they want to know. Personally I just think women are nosy and like to put salt in the wound sometimes. Put salt in the wound? What do you mean by that? Women ask.."What was her name? How did you do this or that? Why did you choose her?" Then, they start to compare. A total waste of energy! I'm sorry but I still don't understand the relationship between your comment and putting salt in a wound. Putting salt into a wound is a deliberate act meant to increase the amount of pain being felt by an individual. Asking (at the appropriate time) someone about how many previous encounters they have had in the past shouldn't be painful, should it? Maybe it's just me or maybe it's a guy thing. I'm not sure (not enough coffee, maybe? )
Let's just agree to disagree, but I think this is a touchy subject and many people will either get offended or hurt, but they still seek answers. |
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Edited by
angelindarkness
on
Sat 05/24/08 04:51 AM
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Everybody starts afresh when they start dating somebody. We would like to believe this, but truth is, we are all a product of our past experience and cannot deny it, even in hoping to start with a blank slate. Even with the best of intentions. Inside, our cores are what they are. I feel it is best to be honest; not to delude yourself or others into thinking you are who you are not - or that you are capable of what you may not be, based on every past experience of your life. In denying self-awareness and personal accountability, you are only setting yourself and your partner up for pain and heartache later. Yes, people can change in some ways, but usually only if they are wanting that change for themselves, not another. AND, if there are no other "stumbling blocks" in the way, no matter what that might be. I agree to an extent with what you are saying, but this whole thing of dragging it out into the open by means of a conversation is probably a bit OTT in the beginning. To be honest, if you have got to start talking about sex in the very beginning, that usually means that there is limited communication going on. That also shows that you/he/she is after one thing and one thing only. So in theory there is no need to even ask the question, because you know the answer. I just see what I see and trust my own judgment and if I am wrong, well, I quite like being surprised sometimes. Well, not in all cases. Some folk are very sexually driven and sexual compatibility can be a very big part of the choice they make in a long term life partner. Maybe not so for most vanillas, but to some other groups, yes. I think talking about it is healthy and shows maturity. I'm not talking about sexual innuendo. I'm talking about basic compatibility. I feel communication should be open and thorough about every area of compatability, not just sexuality. I suppose you are right if you are talking about certain sexual behaviour.... and how compatable you are in that respect.. but I think you are deviating into something that isn't wholey what the guy (who started this thread) was going on about. Asking how many sexual partners you have had, well, from what I have seen and heard... well, it is just one of those daft conversations and most people lie anyway... mature? Hardley I think it is relevant. It is something I try to discover about my potential life partners as soon as I am able.... Deviant? Perhaps. But quite the norm for some of us.
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 A woman I was dating about a year ago just volunteered it once. Just in general conversation, she blurted out..I have only been with 3 men my entire life.... I was like OK?...I did not see why she offered that information, then there was the pause where she expected me to reply with mine and I didnt..... We stopped seeing each other about two weeks later.... Her loss |
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I believe if it's happens again, I am just going to call her out on it and ask..."Why do you want to know?" Good idea.
Yeah, but answering a question with another question is SO annoying, don't you think? Maybe saying, "I'm thinking maybe there are deeper concerns you may have than simply how many people I've been with" might work better? Naw, that kind of response from a guy would just end up in him being accused of being overly analytical, resulting in being steriotyped as a kind of "Frasier Crane" kind of guy. |
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Pssst, <whispers> I was being facetious... I also think there was value to your question. |
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Everybody starts afresh when they start dating somebody. We would like to believe this, but truth is, we are all a product of our past experience and cannot deny it, even in hoping to start with a blank slate. Even with the best of intentions. Inside, our cores are what they are. I feel it is best to be honest; not to delude yourself or others into thinking you are who you are not - or that you are capable of what you may not be, based on every past experience of your life. In denying self-awareness and personal accountability, you are only setting yourself and your partner up for pain and heartache later. Yes, people can change in some ways, but usually only if they are wanting that change for themselves, not another. AND, if there are no other "stumbling blocks" in the way, no matter what that might be. I agree to an extent with what you are saying, but this whole thing of dragging it out into the open by means of a conversation is probably a bit OTT in the beginning. To be honest, if you have got to start talking about sex in the very beginning, that usually means that there is limited communication going on. That also shows that you/he/she is after one thing and one thing only. So in theory there is no need to even ask the question, because you know the answer. I just see what I see and trust my own judgment and if I am wrong, well, I quite like being surprised sometimes. Well, not in all cases. Some folk are very sexually driven and sexual compatibility can be a very big part of the choice they make in a long term life partner. Maybe not so for most vanillas, but to some other groups, yes. I think talking about it is healthy and shows maturity. I'm not talking about sexual innuendo. I'm talking about basic compatibility. I feel communication should be open and thorough about every area of compatability, not just sexuality. I suppose you are right if you are talking about certain sexual behaviour.... and how compatable you are in that respect.. but I think you are deviating into something that isn't wholey what the guy (who started this thread) was going on about. Asking how many sexual partners you have had, well, from what I have seen and heard... well, it is just one of those daft conversations and most people lie anyway... mature? Hardley I think it is relevant. It is something I try to discover about my potential life partners as soon as I am able.... Deviant? Perhaps. But quite the norm for some of us.
Now if you've ever killed someone...THAT is something I want to know! 
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Maybe saying, "I'm thinking maybe there are deeper concerns you may have than simply how many people I've been with" might work better? Naw, that kind of response from a guy would just end up in him being accused of being overly analytical, resulting in being steriotyped as a kind of "Frasier Crane" kind of guy. 
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A woman I was dating about a year ago just volunteered it once. Just in general conversation, she blurted out..I have only been with 3 men my entire life.... I was like OK?...I did not see why she offered that information, then there was the pause where she expected me to reply with mine and I didnt..... We stopped seeing each other about two weeks later.... Her loss No prob
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I think asking about health history is one thing, but how many partners is irrelevant. Men seem to respond that this as an invasion of privacy while women here have said they want to know. Personally I just think women are nosy and like to put salt in the wound sometimes. Put salt in the wound? What do you mean by that? Women ask.."What was her name? How did you do this or that? Why did you choose her?" Then, they start to compare. A total waste of energy! I'm sorry but I still don't understand the relationship between your comment and putting salt in a wound. Putting salt into a wound is a deliberate act meant to increase the amount of pain being felt by an individual. Asking (at the appropriate time) someone about how many previous encounters they have had in the past shouldn't be painful, should it? Maybe it's just me or maybe it's a guy thing. I'm not sure (not enough coffee, maybe? )
Let's just agree to disagree, but I think this is a touchy subject and many people will either get offended or hurt, but they still seek answers. Hokay, fine by me. I agree to disagree on this matter. 'Nuff said on the subject. Pax. |
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Everybody starts afresh when they start dating somebody. We would like to believe this, but truth is, we are all a product of our past experience and cannot deny it, even in hoping to start with a blank slate. Even with the best of intentions. Inside, our cores are what they are. I feel it is best to be honest; not to delude yourself or others into thinking you are who you are not - or that you are capable of what you may not be, based on every past experience of your life. In denying self-awareness and personal accountability, you are only setting yourself and your partner up for pain and heartache later. Yes, people can change in some ways, but usually only if they are wanting that change for themselves, not another. AND, if there are no other "stumbling blocks" in the way, no matter what that might be. I agree to an extent with what you are saying, but this whole thing of dragging it out into the open by means of a conversation is probably a bit OTT in the beginning. To be honest, if you have got to start talking about sex in the very beginning, that usually means that there is limited communication going on. That also shows that you/he/she is after one thing and one thing only. So in theory there is no need to even ask the question, because you know the answer. I just see what I see and trust my own judgment and if I am wrong, well, I quite like being surprised sometimes. Well, not in all cases. Some folk are very sexually driven and sexual compatibility can be a very big part of the choice they make in a long term life partner. Maybe not so for most vanillas, but to some other groups, yes. I think talking about it is healthy and shows maturity. I'm not talking about sexual innuendo. I'm talking about basic compatibility. I feel communication should be open and thorough about every area of compatability, not just sexuality. I suppose you are right if you are talking about certain sexual behaviour.... and how compatable you are in that respect.. but I think you are deviating into something that isn't wholey what the guy (who started this thread) was going on about. Asking how many sexual partners you have had, well, from what I have seen and heard... well, it is just one of those daft conversations and most people lie anyway... mature? Hardley I think it is relevant. It is something I try to discover about my potential life partners as soon as I am able.... Deviant? Perhaps. But quite the norm for some of us.
Everyone is different in their own way. I hold no opinion of anyone that may inquire or desire to know. I am personally not one to date those thaqt may... I am the type that doesnt share much about my history or deep personal feelings. Takes a LONG time to get that out...Not that I have anything to hide, just dont like sharing
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Everybody starts afresh when they start dating somebody. We would like to believe this, but truth is, we are all a product of our past experience and cannot deny it, even in hoping to start with a blank slate. Even with the best of intentions. Inside, our cores are what they are. I feel it is best to be honest; not to delude yourself or others into thinking you are who you are not - or that you are capable of what you may not be, based on every past experience of your life. In denying self-awareness and personal accountability, you are only setting yourself and your partner up for pain and heartache later. Yes, people can change in some ways, but usually only if they are wanting that change for themselves, not another. AND, if there are no other "stumbling blocks" in the way, no matter what that might be. I agree to an extent with what you are saying, but this whole thing of dragging it out into the open by means of a conversation is probably a bit OTT in the beginning. To be honest, if you have got to start talking about sex in the very beginning, that usually means that there is limited communication going on. That also shows that you/he/she is after one thing and one thing only. So in theory there is no need to even ask the question, because you know the answer. I just see what I see and trust my own judgment and if I am wrong, well, I quite like being surprised sometimes. Well, not in all cases. Some folk are very sexually driven and sexual compatibility can be a very big part of the choice they make in a long term life partner. Maybe not so for most vanillas, but to some other groups, yes. I think talking about it is healthy and shows maturity. I'm not talking about sexual innuendo. I'm talking about basic compatibility. I feel communication should be open and thorough about every area of compatability, not just sexuality. I suppose you are right if you are talking about certain sexual behaviour.... and how compatable you are in that respect.. but I think you are deviating into something that isn't wholey what the guy (who started this thread) was going on about. Asking how many sexual partners you have had, well, from what I have seen and heard... well, it is just one of those daft conversations and most people lie anyway... mature? Hardley I think it is relevant. It is something I try to discover about my potential life partners as soon as I am able.... Deviant? Perhaps. But quite the norm for some of us.
Now if you've ever killed someone...THAT is something I want to know!
Yeah, so who did you kill? Was it your boyfriend? |
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Nope,,I wouldn't ask,,
But Would expect to be the last  
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Just ask if theyve ever donated blood....those people check ya for every freakin disease known to man kind and then some..
(its true)
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Now if you've ever killed someone...THAT is something I want to know!
And if you have, under what circumstances, because that makes a huge difference.
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Everybody starts afresh when they start dating somebody. We would like to believe this, but truth is, we are all a product of our past experience and cannot deny it, even in hoping to start with a blank slate. Even with the best of intentions. Inside, our cores are what they are. I feel it is best to be honest; not to delude yourself or others into thinking you are who you are not - or that you are capable of what you may not be, based on every past experience of your life. In denying self-awareness and personal accountability, you are only setting yourself and your partner up for pain and heartache later. Yes, people can change in some ways, but usually only if they are wanting that change for themselves, not another. AND, if there are no other "stumbling blocks" in the way, no matter what that might be. I agree to an extent with what you are saying, but this whole thing of dragging it out into the open by means of a conversation is probably a bit OTT in the beginning. To be honest, if you have got to start talking about sex in the very beginning, that usually means that there is limited communication going on. That also shows that you/he/she is after one thing and one thing only. So in theory there is no need to even ask the question, because you know the answer. I just see what I see and trust my own judgment and if I am wrong, well, I quite like being surprised sometimes. Well, not in all cases. Some folk are very sexually driven and sexual compatibility can be a very big part of the choice they make in a long term life partner. Maybe not so for most vanillas, but to some other groups, yes. I think talking about it is healthy and shows maturity. I'm not talking about sexual innuendo. I'm talking about basic compatibility. I feel communication should be open and thorough about every area of compatability, not just sexuality. I suppose you are right if you are talking about certain sexual behaviour.... and how compatable you are in that respect.. but I think you are deviating into something that isn't wholey what the guy (who started this thread) was going on about. Asking how many sexual partners you have had, well, from what I have seen and heard... well, it is just one of those daft conversations and most people lie anyway... mature? Hardley I think it is relevant. It is something I try to discover about my potential life partners as soon as I am able.... Deviant? Perhaps. But quite the norm for some of us.
Everyone is different in their own way. I hold no opinion of anyone that may inquire or desire to know. I am personally not one to date those thaqt may... I am the type that doesnt share much about my history or deep personal feelings. Takes a LONG time to get that out...Not that I have anything to hide, just dont like sharing
Natural defense mechanism of a man. Recent literature has explained this in great lengths. Women need to talk and be cherished. Men just need to be respected and admired...talking is not so important to them. |
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