Community > Dating & Relationships

Topic: Partner History..
RicJL Joined Wed 03/19/08 Posts: 1055	Sat 05/24/08 04:23 AM
I think asking about health history is one thing, but how many partners is irrelevant. Men seem to respond that this as an invasion of privacy while women here have said they want to know. Personally I just think women are nosy and like to put salt in the wound sometimes. Put salt in the wound? What do you mean by that?

angelindarkness Joined Sun 11/25/07 Posts: 6492	Sat 05/24/08 04:25 AM
medical history, ie std's would be very important..but how many lover's hhas you partner had?? who cares Exactly...why does it matter? If they are older, say over 38 or 40, and most of their adult life has been spent in short-term dating or one night stands; or, if this is someone who has shown a consistent pattern, over time, of infidelity with many partners, this is not someone I would deem to be relationship or marriage material. I have to think of my bottom line; my ultimate goal(s). Plus, condoms aren't 100% effective against HIV, HCV and certain other STDs. You increase your chances of contracting something with each new partner. Furthermore, have you ever heard the saying "you have slept with every person your current lover has ever been with" (especially if you don't use condoms for oral, anal, or vaginal sex) and "and every lover they have been with, as well". It is a pyramid effect.

Jim519 Joined Thu 12/27/07 Posts: 9203	Sat 05/24/08 04:25 AM
Everybody starts afresh when they start dating somebody. We would like to believe this, but truth is, we are all a product of our past experience and cannot deny it, even in hoping to start with a blank slate. Even with the best of intentions. Inside, our cores are what they are. I feel it is best to be honest; not to delude yourself or others into thinking you are who you are not - or that you are capable of what you may not be, based on every past experience of your life. In denying self-awareness and personal accountability, you are only setting yourself and your partner up for pain and heartache later. Yes, people can change in some ways, but usually only if they are wanting that change for themselves, not another. AND, if there are no other "stumbling blocks" in the way, no matter what that might be. Thats a little more deep than just being curious to how many others they have had sex with.

Jim519 Joined Thu 12/27/07 Posts: 9203	Sat 05/24/08 04:26 AM
medical history, ie std's would be very important..but how many lover's hhas you partner had?? who cares Exactly...why does it matter? Not enough people on right now, will have to reapply later. It serves as an illustration of your character. Not necessarily, I disagree with that...What one did in college in their 20's surely may not be their charachter now....

angelindarkness Joined Sun 11/25/07 Posts: 6492	Sat 05/24/08 04:27 AM
Yes, but it goes along with it; and I would argue that for most people for whom it is important to know if someone has been with "many", this may be one of the major reasonings behind it. No, it is not necessary to know "exact" numbers. But, a general estimate is important to know what you are getting yourself into. It is only fair.

Tommo Joined Sun 09/02/07 Posts: 571	Sat 05/24/08 04:27 AM
Everybody starts afresh when they start dating somebody. We would like to believe this, but truth is, we are all a product of our past experience and cannot deny it, even in hoping to start with a blank slate. Even with the best of intentions. Inside, our cores are what they are. I feel it is best to be honest; not to delude yourself or others into thinking you are who you are not - or that you are capable of what you may not be, based on every past experience of your life. In denying self-awareness and personal accountability, you are only setting yourself and your partner up for pain and heartache later. Yes, people can change in some ways, but usually only if they are wanting that change for themselves, not another. AND, if there are no other "stumbling blocks" in the way, no matter what that might be. I agree to an extent with what you are saying, but this whole thing of dragging it out into the open by means of a conversation is probably a bit OTT in the beginning. To be honest, if you have got to start talking about sex in the very beginning, that usually means that there is limited communication going on. That also shows that you/he/she is after one thing and one thing only. So in theory there is no need to even ask the question, because you know the answer. I just see what I see and trust my own judgment and if I am wrong, well, I quite like being surprised sometimes.

belledimanche Joined Sun 11/18/07 Posts: 382	Sat 05/24/08 04:27 AM
I think asking about health history is one thing, but how many partners is irrelevant. Men seem to respond that this as an invasion of privacy while women here have said they want to know. Personally I just think women are nosy and like to put salt in the wound sometimes. Put salt in the wound? What do you mean by that? Women ask.."What was her name? How did you do this or that? Why did you choose her?" Then, they start to compare. A total waste of energy!

angelindarkness Joined Sun 11/25/07 Posts: 6492	Sat 05/24/08 04:29 AM
medical history, ie std's would be very important..but how many lover's hhas you partner had?? who cares Exactly...why does it matter? Not enough people on right now, will have to reapply later. It serves as an illustration of your character. Not necessarily, I disagree with that...What one did in college in their 20's surely may not be their charachter now.... Sometimes. And, sometimes people don't change much, either. Hey, i've always been an optimist. Sometimes being an optimist keeps getting you hurt.

Jim519 Joined Thu 12/27/07 Posts: 9203	Sat 05/24/08 04:31 AM
A woman I was dating about a year ago just volunteered it once. Just in general conversation, she blurted out..I have only been with 3 men my entire life.... I was like OK?...I did not see why she offered that information, then there was the pause where she expected me to reply with mine and I didnt..... We stopped seeing each other about two weeks later....

RicJL Joined Wed 03/19/08 Posts: 1055	Sat 05/24/08 04:32 AM
I think asking about health history is one thing, but how many partners is irrelevant. Men seem to respond that this as an invasion of privacy while women here have said they want to know. Personally I just think women are nosy and like to put salt in the wound sometimes. Put salt in the wound? What do you mean by that? Women ask.."What was her name? How did you do this or that? Why did you choose her?" Then, they start to compare. A total waste of energy! I'm sorry but I still don't understand the relationship between your comment and putting salt in a wound. Putting salt into a wound is a deliberate act meant to increase the amount of pain being felt by an individual. Asking (at the appropriate time) someone about how many previous encounters they have had in the past shouldn't be painful, should it? Maybe it's just me or maybe it's a guy thing. I'm not sure (not enough coffee, maybe? )

Jim519 Joined Thu 12/27/07 Posts: 9203	Sat 05/24/08 04:32 AM
I think asking about health history is one thing, but how many partners is irrelevant. Men seem to respond that this as an invasion of privacy while women here have said they want to know. Personally I just think women are nosy and like to put salt in the wound sometimes. Put salt in the wound? What do you mean by that? Women ask.."What was her name? How did you do this or that? Why did you choose her?" Then, they start to compare. A total waste of energy! This I have encountered before...How annoying!!!

sweetandstrong Joined Sat 02/24/07 Posts: 1438	Sat 05/24/08 04:32 AM
I do not want to who or how many people a guy has been with. I absolutely want to know if they have been tested.

angelindarkness Joined Sun 11/25/07 Posts: 6492	Sat 05/24/08 04:34 AM
Everybody starts afresh when they start dating somebody. We would like to believe this, but truth is, we are all a product of our past experience and cannot deny it, even in hoping to start with a blank slate. Even with the best of intentions. Inside, our cores are what they are. I feel it is best to be honest; not to delude yourself or others into thinking you are who you are not - or that you are capable of what you may not be, based on every past experience of your life. In denying self-awareness and personal accountability, you are only setting yourself and your partner up for pain and heartache later. Yes, people can change in some ways, but usually only if they are wanting that change for themselves, not another. AND, if there are no other "stumbling blocks" in the way, no matter what that might be. I agree to an extent with what you are saying, but this whole thing of dragging it out into the open by means of a conversation is probably a bit OTT in the beginning. To be honest, if you have got to start talking about sex in the very beginning, that usually means that there is limited communication going on. That also shows that you/he/she is after one thing and one thing only. So in theory there is no need to even ask the question, because you know the answer. I just see what I see and trust my own judgment and if I am wrong, well, I quite like being surprised sometimes. Well, not in all cases. Some folk are very sexually driven and sexual compatibility can be a very big part of the choice they make in a long term life partner. Maybe not so for most vanillas, but to some other groups, yes. I think talking about it is healthy and shows maturity. I'm not talking about sexual innuendo. I'm talking about basic compatibility. I feel communication should be open and thorough about every area of compatability, not just sexuality.

Tommo Joined Sun 09/02/07 Posts: 571	Sat 05/24/08 04:34 AM
I think asking about health history is one thing, but how many partners is irrelevant. Men seem to respond that this as an invasion of privacy while women here have said they want to know. Personally I just think women are nosy and like to put salt in the wound sometimes. Put salt in the wound? What do you mean by that? Women ask.."What was her name? How did you do this or that? Why did you choose her?" Then, they start to compare. A total waste of energy! I'm sorry but I still don't understand the relationship between your comment and putting salt in a wound. Putting salt into a wound is a deliberate act meant to increase the amount of pain being felt by an individual. Asking (at the appropriate time) someone about how many previous encounters they have had in the past shouldn't be painful, should it? Maybe it's just me or maybe it's a guy thing. I'm not sure (not enough coffee, maybe? ) I heard that women just like putting blokes on the spot with what they think are awkward questions... You got to love em for it though!

angelindarkness Joined Sun 11/25/07 Posts: 6492	Sat 05/24/08 04:35 AM
I think asking about health history is one thing, but how many partners is irrelevant. Men seem to respond that this as an invasion of privacy while women here have said they want to know. Personally I just think women are nosy and like to put salt in the wound sometimes. Put salt in the wound? What do you mean by that? Women ask.."What was her name? How did you do this or that? Why did you choose her?" Then, they start to compare. A total waste of energy! This I have encountered before...How annoying!!! I agree - that's not appropriate.

Jim519 Joined Thu 12/27/07 Posts: 9203	Sat 05/24/08 04:38 AM
I believe if it's happens again, I am just going to call her out on it and ask..."Why do you want to know?"

RicJL Joined Wed 03/19/08 Posts: 1055	Sat 05/24/08 04:38 AM
I think asking about health history is one thing, but how many partners is irrelevant. Men seem to respond that this as an invasion of privacy while women here have said they want to know. Personally I just think women are nosy and like to put salt in the wound sometimes. Put salt in the wound? What do you mean by that? Women ask.."What was her name? How did you do this or that? Why did you choose her?" Then, they start to compare. A total waste of energy! I'm sorry but I still don't understand the relationship between your comment and putting salt in a wound. Putting salt into a wound is a deliberate act meant to increase the amount of pain being felt by an individual. Asking (at the appropriate time) someone about how many previous encounters they have had in the past shouldn't be painful, should it? Maybe it's just me or maybe it's a guy thing. I'm not sure (not enough coffee, maybe? ) I heard that women just like putting blokes on the spot with what they think are awkward questions... You got to love em for it though! Really? No, I don't have to love them for enjoying making a man squirm unnecessarily, isn't it a lot like frying ants with a magnifying glass? Someone does that to me and it's, "Next!"

angelindarkness Joined Sun 11/25/07 Posts: 6492	Sat 05/24/08 04:39 AM
A woman I was dating about a year ago just volunteered it once. Just in general conversation, she blurted out..I have only been with 3 men my entire life.... I was like OK?...I did not see why she offered that information, then there was the pause where she expected me to reply with mine and I didnt..... We stopped seeing each other about two weeks later.... She was probably feeling vulnerable and needing to know the answers to some of the questions I mentioned earlier. Pity she didn't have the guts to ask and explain why she needed to know. She had probably been hurt a lot in life. But you are right, It can be OTT in the earlier meetings. Sometimes we have to judge a person by their actions more than their words. If it talks like a duck, walks like a duck, acts like a duck..... Lately, I have come to see that relying on blind Faith is never a good thing.

angelindarkness Joined Sun 11/25/07 Posts: 6492	Sat 05/24/08 04:40 AM
I believe if it's happens again, I am just going to call her out on it and ask..."Why do you want to know?" Good idea.

RicJL Joined Wed 03/19/08 Posts: 1055	Sat 05/24/08 04:41 AM
I believe if it's happens again, I am just going to call her out on it and ask..."Why do you want to know?" Good idea. Yeah, but answering a question with another question is SO annoying, don't you think?