he's either looking for his faith, or the ok to do what he wants in life with no consequences

I know a geologist you need to read up on, before you label something as 'tupid'

Writings pen by Jesus can be found in the desd sea scrolls

Last I heard his body is in the foundation of a football stadium on the 50 yrd line

watch a few shows on the History Channel, plenty of evidence that the man existed

Men, please read this if you go to bars or clubs:

Guys, be more alert and cautious when getting a drink offer from a girl. There is a drug called "beer" that is essentially in liquid form.

The most effective varieties are being shipped in from other countries. "Beer" is now being used by female sexual predators at parties to convince their male victims to have sex with them.

The shocking statistic is that this "beer" is available virtually anywhere! All girls have to do is buy a beer or two for almost any guy and simply ask the guy home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are literally rendered helpless against such attacks. Please! Forward this to every man you know... There is safety in numbers...

An elderly couple was driving cross-country, and the woman was driving. She gets pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer says, "Ma'am, did you know you were speeding?"

The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"

The old man yells, "HE SAYS YOU WERE SPEEDING."

The patrolman says, "May I see your license?"

The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"

The old man yells, "HE WANTS TO SEE YOUR LICENSE." The woman gives him her license.

The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once, had the worst sex with a woman I have ever had."

The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"

"HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU," the old man yells.

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

''Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more.''

''You foul-mouthed swine,'' retorted the lady indignantly. ''In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public.''

''Hey, coola down lady,'' said the man. ''Imma just tella my friend howa to spella Mississippi.

Two elderly women are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One woman turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?"

The other replies, "Oh sure I do."

The first old woman asks, "What do you do about it?"

The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver."

... After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"

"Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love ."

"A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'."

"It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens."

"Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons."


"I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic."

"Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions."

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve it through not dying."

"I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch."

A college professor had just finished explaining an important research project to his class. He emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing his class, and there would be only two acceptable excuses for being late. Those were a medically certifiable illness or a death in the student's immediate family.

A wisecracking student in the back of the classroom waved his hand and spoke up "But what about extreme sexual exhaustion, professor?" As you would expect, the class exploded in laughter.

When the students finally settled down, the professor gave the student a long, appraising look. "Well", he responded, "I guess you'll just have to write with your other hand"

* A young boy went up to his father and asked, "what is the difference

between potentially and realistically?"

The father pondered for a while, then answered,"Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then go and ask your brother if he'd sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you have learned."

So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars?" The mother replied "Of course I would. I wouldn't pass up an opportunity like that. He's cute."

The boy then went to his sister and said, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied "Hell yeah! He's hot!"

Then, he went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars?" His brother replied "Definitely. That's a lot of money, after all."

The boy then thought about it for two or three days and went back to his dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potential and realistic?"

The boy replied, "Yes, potentially we're sitting on three million dollars, but realistically we're living with two slappers and a fag."

How can you tell if you're having sex with a Hooker, a whore or a Wife?
The Hooker says, "Faster, FASTER!!
The Whore says, Harder, HARDER!!
The wife says, "Biege, I think I'll paint the ceiling beige"

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were robbing a supermarket when a police officer walked in the store.

The three women decide to hide in three potato sacks.

The cop kicks the first bag, and the brunette says, "meow", the cop says, "oh, its only a cat"

He kicks the second bag, and the redhead says, "woof, woof". The cop says, "its only a dog".

He kicks the third bag, and the blonde says, "potato"

The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the
first time we had sex together over fifty-five years ago?
We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the
back fence and I made love to you." "Yes, she says, "I remember it well." "OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again
and we can do it for old time's sake?" "Oh Charlie, you old devil,
that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"

There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this,and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see
these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an
eye on them so there's no trouble." So he follows them.

They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided
by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the tavern and
make their way to the fence.

The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers.
As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Suddenly
they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman
has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes. Both are
making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something
about life and old age that he didn't know. After about half an hour
of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their
feet and put their clothes back on.

The Policeman, still watching thinks, this was truly amazing. He
thinks, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

As the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that
was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together.
Is there some sort of secret to this?"

The old man says, "Fifty-five years ago that wasn't an electric fence."

Right there with you guy, yet I keep on pushin' forward !

The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the
first time we had sex together over fifty-five years ago?
We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the
back fence and I made love to you." "Yes, she says, "I remember it well." "OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again
and we can do it for old time's sake?" "Oh Charlie, you old devil,
that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"

There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this,and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see
these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an
eye on them so there's no trouble." So he follows them.

They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided
by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the tavern and
make their way to the fence.

The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers.
As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Suddenly
they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman
has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes. Both are
making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something
about life and old age that he didn't know. After about half an hour
of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their
feet and put their clothes back on.

The Policeman, still watching thinks, this was truly amazing. He
thinks, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

As the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that
was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together.
Is there some sort of secret to this?"

The old man says, "Fifty-five years ago that wasn't an electric fence."