Yeah she caught on after a while , then she left me for a guy who said he was Brad Pitt.

A man tells his wife that he's going out to buy cigarettes. When he gets to the store he finds out it's closed. So the guy ends up going to the bar to use the vending machine. While there, he has a few beers and begins talking to this beautiful girl. He has a few more beer and the next thing he knows he's in this girl's apartment and having quite a pleasurable time. The next thing he know it was 3:00 AM.

"Oh my, god, my wife is going to kill me!" he exclaimed. "Quick give me some talcum powder!"

She gets him some and he rubs it all over his hands. When he got home his wife is up waiting for him and she's furious. "Where the hell have you been!"

He says, "Well to tell you the truth, I went into a bar, had a few drinks, went home with this blonde and I slept with her." "Let me see your hands!" she demands. He shows his wife his powdery hands.

"Damn liar, you were out bowling again!"

people lie all the time ,for various reasons . Take me for instance , for the six years that I was married I kept telling my wife that I was George Clooney !

A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores.
"Not yet," said the little boy. His mother tells him he can't have any breakfast until he does his chores.
Well, he's a little ticked off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have milk in my cereal?"
"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick the chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week.
I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk."
Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the *****cat as he's walking into the kitchen.
The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, "Are you going to tell him, or should I?"

There was this guy who always went out drinking with his friends. He would always come home very late. One night, while he was at the bar he told them his secret for being able to sneak in late.

"When I walk in the house, before the wife can say anything, I lay her down, take off her panties, and give her the best oral sex she's ever had, until she has such an orgasm that she falls into a deep sleep. Then, I wash up and go to bed. By morning, she is so pleased, she doesn't care what time I came home."

One of his friends thinks this is a great idea. So he stays out late, comes home, sneaks into the bedroom, gives his wife the best oral sex she's ever had, and goes to wash up. His wife walks into the bathroom, obviously upset that he's home so late.

"Hey, why aren't you sleeping?" he asks.

"I was, but I came in to tell you that we've got to sleep on the couch tonight, 'cause my mother is sleeping in our bedroom."

Little boy and his dad go to pharmacy. Little boy sees condoms and asks, "Dad, what are those things?" Dad says under his breathe, "Condoms." Boy asks why three are in the one package, dad says, "Ah ... those are for high school kids, one for Friday night, one for Saturday night and one for Sunday afternoon." Boy asks dad why another package has six condoms. Dad says, "College kids, son, two for Friday night, Two for Saturday night and two for Sunday afternoon." Boy ask why twelve are in another package. Dad says after thinking, "Those are for married people, one for January, one for February...."

The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the
party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued
and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there
was no need for his good time to be spoiled by her not going. So he
took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain,
and as it was still early, decided to go to the party.
As her husband didn’t know what her costume was, she thought she would
have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was
not with him.

So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his
costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice “chick”
he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.

His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he
left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her.
She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her
husband.

After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition
in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had
passionate intercourse in the back seat.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and
put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of
explanation he would make up for his outrageous behaviour.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what
kind of time he had. “Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good
time when you’re not there.”

Then she asked,” Did you dance much?”
He replied, I’ll tell you; I never even danced one dance.
When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went
into the spare room and played poker all evening.

” You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playingpoker
all night!” she said with unashamed sarcasm. To which the husband
replied, “Actually, I gave my costume to your brother, apparently
he had the time of his life”!

did I mention the scarieness ?

Shoes , hmmm I sense an addiction! Not judging mind you , nothing wrong with that !

Ah yes, beef will be added !

working on that , just don't want to scare the he// out of everyone so soon!

but thats when I do my best work !

OMG ! thanks 'Charlie' Im always forgetting those ! LOL

Honesty is the best policy. Lets get this out of the way and let me know what this profile needs.( yes its about two days old but moar stuff will be added.)

Somebody say coffee !?!

Hi ! I'm new here and don't have a clue what I'm doing!

yes but who's doing the driving ?