About that dipping problem......

Rubbing alcohol in the can works wonders. It won't change the odor of the tobacco either so he won't know it is in there until his lip and gums start burning. Won't do any permanent damage either. Jalapeno juice works too and it's funny as hell when it bites them. Or...just make him take a big ol' dip and then make him swallow. No spitting....swallow it.

Then again...I have been called a sadist before.

On the back talking....I hear people say how you should not resort to violence and that their kid is so wonderful with no capital punishment ever. Blah blah blah. Goody for them. For those of us in the really, real world...you'd be surprised what a good slap across the mouth will do. You are his MOTHER and you should never be talked to like that. Would you slap someone talking trash to you out in the streets? You betcha! So why put up with that from your own child? One good slap will get his attention. It will alter his behavior pattern...especially when you whack him each time his mouth overloads his azz.

Ex #2 had that problem with her 16 yr old for a while. Not any more. Nobody wants to get whacked by their mother.

Aaaaaawwwwww.......isn't that sweet.

Absolute horsesh!t...but sweet.

I've been in your situation. The urge to crack them over the head with a Louisville Slugger must be strongly resisted.

Seriously....it is difficult to let it go. There are days when I still can't seem to cut the final strings. I have found that living better is still the absolute best revenge. I let her go on her merry way while I worked at making my life turn out how I wanted. Today, four years later...she has been through five or six men and can't figure out why.

I have not tried again. Just a little too gun-shy.

Was she on Jerry Springer?

Mine wasn't. They didn't believe anyone was that nuts.

Somehow....I don't see the problem with this rant.


And this answer from a woman with chickens as her profile pics........

Yup!

Did you bother to discuss the whole "kid" thing with her or did you just dump her abruptly with no explanation?

Age....bah. Don't worry about age. Someone told me I couldn't "take it with me" so I'm not going. Ever.

Let me tell ya'...that whole immortality thing is grossly under rated.

Complicated

Horsesh!t. Have you looked around lately?

"Christ on a stick"......

I like you Lily!! I really do!!

Lindyy....give it a rest, honey. It's called Freedom of Speech and she can pretty much post that if she wants. Your freedom of choice is to NOT read what she posted if you find it "offensive". You and the FCC would get along great.

So I have one question about all of this:

If selling is legal and having sex is legal why isn't selling sex legal? Damn...there are millions of things you can do to a person that are considerably worse than giving them an orgasm. The military gives you medals for dropping napalm on people. Giving another person an orgasm should hardly be an arrestable offense.

Then again....who gives a sh!t. Democrats will quietly slink away from the Governer. Republicans will shake their heads and say, "Tsk, tsk, tsk." The crime families he brought down are cheering like hell. Someone he ticked off in Washington has his feet up on his desk, a smile on his face, a martini in one hand and a naked hooker on his lap. Just another day in our nation's great capital city. Talk about Soddom and Gommorah.

Now THAT'S funny!!!!

Inbred hillbilly with knife skills........

Could you imagine an argument between those two?

"Piss on you!"

"Did that."

Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bill's wife Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and merged red-faced.

Later, John went to the kitchen to get me refreshments. Bill's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?"

Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well indeed he did. She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500."

After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, John confirms that he is interested. She tells him that since her husband Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should be at her house around 2 PM Friday afternoon.

When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house at 2 PM sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed. John quickly dressed and left.

As usual, Bill came home from work at 6pm and upon entering the house, asked his wife abruptly. "Did John come by the house this afternoon?"

With a lump in her throat Sue answered "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon."

Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?"

In terror she assumed that somehow he had found out and after mustering her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500."

Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, "Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back."




Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player.

My neighbor Sam, was in trouble again, this time for forgetting his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him " Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"

The next morning Sam got up and left the house very early. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a gift-wrapped box in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe, went out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.


Sam has been missing since Friday . Please pray for him.

A woman goes to her doctor's office,to discuss a strange development. She has discovered a green spot on the inside of each thigh. They won't wash off, they won't scrape off, and they seem to be getting worse.

The doctor assures her he'll get to the bottom of the problem, and tells her not to worry until he gets the tests back.

A few days later, the woman's phone rings; it's the doctor.

She immediately begs to know if he's learned what's causing the spots.

The doctor says, "You're perfectly healthy -- there's no problem. But I'm wondering, is your boyfriend a Harley guy?"

The woman stammers, "Why, Yes, but how did you know?"

"Tell him his earrings aren't real gold."

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
10 years and 45 lbs

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blond baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong"

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".

How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ..." - A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this s**t....

A man and a woman who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly.... him in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold. "

"I have a better idea," she replied coyly "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married. "

"Wow! That's a great idea! " he exclaimed! "Good," she replied. "Get your own damn blanket."



After a stunned moment of silence, he farted.

"Don't laugh!" said the patient, Ed.

"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional and in over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," Ed said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest "whoo-ha" the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been bigger than the size of an AAA battery. Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, and then fell laughing to the floor.

Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure. "I'm so sorry," said the doctor. "I really am. I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?"

Ed replied, "It's swollen."