Magnetron? Metal inside oven reflects microwaves?

Doesn't tell me why a fork or spoon can cause a fire, yet the metal interior does nothing. It might, in some hidden hieroglyphics, explain the issue, but Egyptian historian I am not. Ha ha ha.

I have recently discovered that stainless steel is NOT magnetic. Could that be part of the answer?

Maybe not. Aluminium foil is also NOT magnetic, but can cause a massave electric storm in your microwave oven, if you forget to remove it before starting to cook.

I know, we have all done it.

Put a cup, with a gilded edge into a microwave and watched with awe at the pyrotechnics and heard the accompanying cracks and bangs, as the lightening bolts flashed off the metallic artistry.

Oh yes, what an idiot.

I was told not to put anything matallic into a microwave oven.

Ah. But. Wait a minute. There is something not just quite right here.

Isn't the interior of the microwave oven METALLIC?

Can anyone explain this? (That is, without making me look an absolute idiot.)

Just got myself a new part-time job.

It is working with one-armed typists.

I give them help when it comes to typing upper case characters.

It is called SHIFT work.



ANDROID or tablet users, ask someone with a proper keyboard what that joke is about.

No Balls. Just his toole. Do I have to spell it out?

Oh, I just did. Ha ha ha.

I used to call my girlfriend SPANNER (WRENCH).

She made my nuts tighten.

(I went to a fancy dress party, dressed as a spanner (wrench). That turned a few heads.)

Guy says to his girlfriend, "I'm going hunting, do you want to come?"

She replied, "Hunting? NO I do not."

"Well", says the guy, "You'll have to give me a BJ or take one up the a$$". "I going to check out the dog".

A minute or two later he returns alone, he says to her, "Well what's to be then?"

She replies, "You can have a BJ. You're not sticking that in my a$$".

He unzips and she starts. "Eeeuugh", she chokes, "What's that taste? It smells like dog $hit".

The guy replies, "Yeah, the dog doesn't want to go hunting either"

A ventriloquist waiting for a train, out in a country station, was approached by a farmer leading a horse and a sheep.

They passed the time of day with each other and the ventriloquist thought that he would have a bit of fun with the farmer.

So he asked the farmer is it was Ok for him to have a talk with the horse.

The farmer, bewildered, agreed.

He asked the horse about life on the farm. Was he treated well? The horse appeared to answer, that yes everything at the farm was good. The ventiloquist asked the horse did the farmer love him? The horse appeared to answer, that the farmer brushed his coat every day and gave him special food. The horse went on to say, through the ventriloquist, that the farmer gave him kisses when the day's work was done.

The ventiloquist asked the farmer if he would mind him speaking with the sheep?

The farmer burst out, "That there sheep, is a big fat liar."

Justice Toole

Did you hear about the man who mistook putty for vaseline?

All his windows fell out.

My mate rung me the other day.

He said, "What d'ya think. I cut off my finger, yesterday".

I said, "What? You're whole finger?"

He replied, "No, no. It was the one beside it."

Two young boys a 6 year old and a 4 year old are talking as they are dressing for breakfast.

The 6 year old says, "I think that it's time we started to use bad language and start swearing like adults."

The 4 year old replied, "Yea, that's a good idea."

They went down to breakfast, where their mum said to the 6 year old, "What would you like for breakfast?"

The 6 year old said, "Oh, damn mum, I'll just have some of those sob blasted coco-pops."

THWACK!

The 6 year old flew across the kitchen floor, jumped up and ran upstairs bawling his eyes out.

Mum turned to the 4 year old and said, "And what do YOU want for breakfast?"

The 4 year old replied, "I certainly don't think I want any of those bloody coco-pops."

I was driving along with my wife and two girls 8 and 10. We were following behind an open top sports car. The couple in it were obviously having some sort of heated argument. Every now and again their conversation would drift back to me, as I had the side window open. There was a lot of animation in the car in front and the guy said, "And, you'll not be needing this." Then he flung a very realistic rubber sex toy into the air. It travelled through the air until it bounced off my windscreen. Making a thud noise. I immediately said that there was no need for any panic, that everything was OK. When my eldest daughter piped up, "But Dad. Did you see the size of the cock on that fly"

I said to my wife, "These crab paste sandwiches taste a bit strange. Where did you buy the crab paste?"

"In the pharmacy." she replied.

A pilot who had baled out and was hurtling towards earth, couldn't get his parachute to open.

Unbelievedly, a man in a boiler suit was flying up from the ground.

As he passed the pilot said, "Hey, do you know anything about parachutes?"

The man in a boiler suit replied, "Do you know anything about gas ovens?"

A policeman on late night duty, in a red light district in London, comes across a young boy, of about 9 years old.

"Hello, young man", says the policeman, "Do you know that you can get a social disease in this part of town?"

The young lad replies, "That's exactly what I want."

"Are you serious?" asks the policeman.

"Yes, for sure." answers the lad.

"What on earth for?" says the policeman.

"Well", answers the lad, "if I can get a social disease, I can give it to our au pair, then she can give it to my dad. He then gives it to my mum and then she'll give it to the gardner and I hate the gardner. He killed my frog."

Last week my friend Denzel, came to see me.

I said to him, "You've got a black eye, Denzel."

"Yes", he replied. "Last Sunday, at church, Mrs Tredinnick in the row in front of me, stood up. I could see that her dress had caught into the crack of her bottom. So, I leant forward and pulled it out. Well, she turned round and gave me such a wallop."

That was last week. Today, Denzel came in sporting another black eye.

I said to him, "Delzel, you've got another black eye."

"Yes.", he said, "Mrs. Tredinnick was in church again this Sunday and when she stood up from prayers, I could see that her dress was caught up in the crack of her bottom again. I knew that I shouldn't touch it, but Arthur Gribbin, who was sitting next to me, must have spotted Mrs Tredinnick's dress and he leaned forward and pulled it out. Well, I knew that she definitely didn't like it pulled out, so, I leaned forward and tucked it back in again."

I must have laughed for an hour.

Feeling the same way as Paddy, he can count me in. Can't stand that b&%$"d Macron. As for the 200,000 let them eat cake.

Good joke.

As I parked my car. the other day, a huge big car pulled in beside me.

Looked a bit like a Rolls Royce and a tall, rich looking guy got out.

I said to him, "You must have a good job to be able to afford such a vehicle."

He replied, (Posh Voice) "Ay work foh Cunard. That's why Ay can afford this."

I said to him, "I work f'kin' 'ard and I couldn't afford that."

This is mainly for people who live in Coventry.

Has anyone, from Coventry, heard about the hen that laid the square egg?

No?

I thought that everyone in Coventry had heard that one.

I said to a woman, in the airport,

"BUK-AAK-BUK-BUK"

She said, "No, sorry sir, this is the CHECKIN DESK."







Try it out loud. It might work for you. ha ha ha.