so you think it is going to piss off some illegal mexican..well i dont
give a shit if it does..and they dont know what i type anyway,they cant
read english.

thats cool...i hope your book does well

I posted a topic 5 hours ago and got 38 hits on it and no one had a
comment.Do all the people on this site not have a anything to say about
illegals coming over here.Ang i guess you dont mind that you have to
press 1 for english.Well i feel that if you are going to live here you
should be able speak our language and if you cant go back to where ever
you came from.This just kind of pisses me off that out of 38 people not
a one of you care that our kids have to learn a new language to live in
the good old USA.It is mandatory for our kids to take spanish in
school,and why,because in 20 years we wont be speaking english we will
be speaking spanish and apparintly most of you just dont care.....now
lets see how many people give feed back to this.

Let's say I break into your house

A lady wrote the best letter in the Editorials in ages!!
It explains things better than all the baloney you hear on TV.

Recently large demonstrations have taken place across the country
protesting the fact that Congress is finally addressing the issue of
illegal immigration.
Certain people are angry that the US might protect its own borders,
might make it harder to sneak into this country and, once here, to stay
indefinitely. Let me see if I correctly understand the thinking behind
these protests.

Let's say I break into your house. Let's say that when you discover me
in your house, you insist that I leave. But I say, "I've made all the
beds and washed the dishes and did the laundry and swept the floors;
I've done all the things you don't like to do. I'm hard-working and
honest (except for when I broke into your house).

According to the protesters, not only must you let me stay, you must add
me to your family's insurance plan, educate my kids, and provide other
benefits to me and to my family (my husband will do your yard work
because he too is hard-working and honest, except for that breaking in
part). If you try to call the police or force me out, I will call my
friends who will picket your house carrying signs that proclaim my right
to be there.

It's only fair, after all, because you have a nicer house than I do, and
I'm just trying to better myself. I'm a hard-working and honest, person,
except for well, you know.

And what a deal it is for me!! I live in your house, contributing only a
fraction of the cost of my keep, and there is nothing you can do about
it without being accused of selfishness, prejudice and being an
anti-housebreaker. Oh yeah, I want you to learn my language so you can
communicate with me.

Why can't people see how ridiculous this is?! Only in America ....if you
agree, pass it on (in English). Share it if you see the value of it as a
good smile. If not blow it off along with your future Social Security
funds, and a lot of other things.


Smile, it makes people wonder what you've been up to.

well Midnight with a fine looking woman like you what man would want
another woman.

damn escapedlunatic was we married to the same woman?

confusus says woman with blonde hair have black hair by crackie

ok...that was a good one

two little boys are sitting at the breakfast table.the mom ask the first
boy what he wanted for breakfast.the boy said just give me some fucking
corn flakes.the mom slaped him out of his chair and turned to the next
boy and said now what do you want.the boy said i dont know but you can
bet your sweet ass its not corn flakes.

im always up late

Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar,
drinking
beer.

Jim turns to Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life
without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the community
college,
and sign up for some classes."

Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave. The next day, Jim goes
down
to the college and meets Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the
four
basic classes: Math, English, history, and Logic.

"Logic?" Jim says. "What's that?"

The dean says, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"

"Yeah." "Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think

that you would have a yard."

"That's true, I do have a yard."

"I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think
logically
that you would have a house."

"Yes, I do have a house."

"And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a
family."

"Yes, I have a family."

"I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must
have
a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a
heterosexual."

"I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of
that
because I have a weed eater."

Excited to take the class now, Jim shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to
go
meet Bob at the bar. He tells Bob about his classes, how he is signed
up
for Math, English, History, and Logic.

"Logic?" Bob says, "What's that?"

Jim says, "I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?"

"No."

"Then you're a queer."






TO HAVE A FRIEND......BE A FRIEN

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -
The last one is great!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
Immediately take the words back...
Or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....


FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
And asked loudly,
"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word...
He knew better.


SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the
store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with
mens balls"

THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and
Passed by a store that sold a
Variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case,
The boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day,
My sister has never let me forget.


FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon,
My toddler decided to release
Some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of
Her after receiving looks of disgust
And annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving
"right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just ! As
threatening ,
"If you don't let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma that I saw you
Kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and
Walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of
laughter.


FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever! Asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I
was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny,
So of course I checked
My seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
The realized that Danny
Had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go,
And he said "No".
I kept thinking
"Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes
with me."
Then I said,
"Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No," he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was
getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny did you have an accident ? This
time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
Bent over, spread his cheeks
And yelled
"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down..
An old couple made me feel better,
Thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!


LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
And a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
In the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that,
The day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
Turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set,
But half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

Broken arrow Oklahoma..The crime rate is very low here and we have
eveything you could want in a small town,and we are just a few minutes
from Tulsa whitch is a larger city.I have lived here for 20 some years
and wouldnt live anywhere else,i love it here.And the schools are top
notch also.

your momma is so ugly she has to tie a pork chop aroud her neck to get
the dog to play with her

im on there but just cant get the hang of it

So this cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into
the cab, and notices that the VERY
handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I
don't want to offend you"

She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When
you're as old as I am and
have been a nun as long as I have, you get a
chance to see and hear just
about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing
you could say or ask that I
would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun
kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do
about that:

#1, you have to be single and #2, you must be
Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says,"Yes, I'm
single and Catholic!

"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that
would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver
starts crying.

"My dear child," said the nun, "why are you
crying?"
"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must
confess, I'm married and I'm
Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm
going to a Halloween party."

we could turn this around and ask the same about a woman.i have been
married 3 times.the first one i caught in bed with a friend of mine.the
second one,well,she was the love of my life and i dont have anything bad
to say about her.i would still be with her today,but she died in
1999.and my last wife i never caught her but i still think,from what i
have heard,that she had cheated on me also.as for me i have never
cheated on a wife or a girl friend.i think if you are in a relationship
you should put your all in to it.so here i am looking for #4 and hope i
can find another one that i can love as much as i love my second wife.

my ex called me at work and told me she was on her way back to Ohio.I
live in oklahoma.That was the happiest day of my life.

im an elect. tech. i build controls for the oil fild buisness.i am
supervisor of a small shop,i have 8 guys working for me,and it can be
very stressfull at times.

well for one thing i would kill soneoneand...no...i dont want to go
camping.