I wouldn't describe myself as an unhappy person, first of all. Secondly, while I definitely have some avoidant behaviors, they're not self-defeating.. And the whole point of my posting was to see if other people have had similar experiences and have things they tried to get over it.

Admittedly, I have had some crappy relationships, and no, I don't want to be hurt again. I think I've addressed most of the self-esteem issues. I think what I really need are some good cognitive-behavioral techniques to get myself over this anxiety! But it's hard to do that with relationships without making people feel like they're being used...

So, I started talking to this guy a while ago. I really enjoyed talking to him, and we talked for hours on end almost every night. And then, it became pretty obvious that he liked me too, and I totally shut down, and withdrew and put up a huge brick wall. It isn't the first time. I do like him, but now maybe it's too late! I emailed him but he hasn't replied. And I've recently met a guy who I seem to get along with really well, and I don't want the same thing to keep happening. Any suggestions?

Bottom line: You can't see what's really going on because you're crazy about him. He must have some good qualities or you wouldn't be so crazy about him but he's got some major issues that he needs to work on. And they aren't issues that you can help him with. You need to have more love for yourself than you do for him, and do what's best for you, which in this case is NOT him.

He sounds manipulative to me. Lots of red flags here. You may like him, but it may just be that you like who he wants you to think he is.

Have you seen those videos of all the stretching a condom can take? You can put one of those over your head and blow it up like a balloon and it won't break. So they either didn't use one, or did it wrong. Either way, they weren't careful.

Unless you have some fashion athletic shoes!

If he goes and sleeps with the ex-girlfriend, who it sounds like he's gone to alot of trouble to make sound like a crazy person, then he doesn't get to be "a good guy". And one of my best friends has 12 earrings in each ear and plenty of other piercings and tattoos and she is one of the best people I know, so don't judge a book by its cover

That you know of from personal experience, or from what he's told you? He slept with her, so how can you trust him?

Yeah, I share Peachie's skepticism... that's an awful lot of things to make up. Run away!

I don't know how smart it is? It's just survival, I guess ;)

Black, absolutely!

I work for the state. My job is secure. :)

If you're not used to wearing heels alot though, I don't recommend it... you'll do tons of walking in Bricktown (unless you're super lucky)

Yeah we're pretty worried about that happening, also. So far, they increased our benefit allowance this year, so it was okay this year... but I don't know. And it really bummed me out because I got the news at the end of a 10 hour day.

That is very important as to your wardrobe selection :) Do you like to bowl? The new bowling alley is open! I haven't been there, but it's supposed to be pretty schnazzy...

That's the thing though. The one woman in the whole agency who could fix it has already told me that she can't change it.

That is true, do you know which restaurant he's taking you to yet?

Yeah, definitely comfy shoes if you're walking around Bricktown! And a sweater, or some thin layered pieces, with jeans :) And yes, it will be cold!!

I'll still get the raise that comes with my promotion, but that's $200/mo I'm missing out on that I'd get if I'd been hired two or even one day earlier.