One thing I've learned, especially after having 3 woman roomates... at once...

Men and women..

are the same.

We act the same. We hurt the same. We hurt other people the same.

The only thing we do differently is communicate it in different ways.

Im done.

Im going to go adopt 14 cats.

Rich in heart,

That's what I've earned.

A wealthy, healthy way of feeling.

Life has struck deep and hard with its trials and tribulations.

Being single, being alone. Modern dating and all its frustrations.

Broken loves like boxers gloves pounding at my face.

I've learned to deal with it with grace.

That's how you survive this race.

Choose to be hardened, or decide to stay warm.

It's a choice, you see.

Divorce, custody.

Dirty words.

Sharp talons ripping at your soul.

Each taking its toll.

Choose to be dulled or let life sharpen you into a sword.

My edge is honed to razor keenness. But I'm not a weapon to destruct.

I'm a weapon to cut.

Slice out the bad things. I'm ultimately APPRECIATIVE for my woes.

I want to be in Love again.

Not again and again and again.

So I choose to take what I've learned,

and earned,

And continue to be a better man.

A better man, a BETTER Dad.

The best that my son has ever had.

This GIFT of pain that I've been given to GAIN,

... I'm thankful for.

I Just don't want more.....

Oh hell, after this last relationship... ok ive only had 3 relationships in my life, they just last 2 to 14 years...


Im growing Cactus

Well this will make sense to anyone who believes in Jesus's teachings and will be nonsense to anyone who doesnt, but God created marriage as a sanctified union for a man and a woman.

If you are not "saved" then your marriage is not sanctified regardless, so dont worry about it.

Way I see it, you can be a bigot, against gay marriage and be hate oriented.

you can be a believer and against gay marriage and be belief oriented.

You can be a bigoted believer and be against gay marriage. That would be someone who hates gays because of his own messed up heart but uses the bible to back himself up. They would be incorrect as to what the bible says about gays.

or you can be a non-believer who does not agree with same sex marriage but does not hate them.

That would make you a non-bigoted opninionator Agnostically inclined Tolerant-meister?

The investigator asked me if I thought she'd be capable of carrying through on her threats.

She has 2 Ex's that she talked about a lot. One is in prison for his membership in a white supremacist group. Hes an ordained minister for the skinheads.

The other is the father of her children. Hes in prison for drug trafficking and for working as the enforcer for a gang in oak cliff, south Dallas.

No, I did not know these things when we first started going out, I met her in church for crying out loud. I actually read letters both of these guys had written her from prison.

Pffft tattoos, as long as theyre not ex boyfriends names or tasteless, make women look just fine

Men, not a man

And whats your point?

Oh absolutely Im keeping a record of everything now.

Uh uh,

Hating and being intolerant is a lot different than not agreeing.

I do not agree with a lot of people but I dont hate them for what they think and I can certainly tolerate them.

I have my beliefs and I respect yours.

I am intolerant of Abusive people and sexual molesters.

I just dont agree with same sex marriage.

Ok, I filed charges on her on the 4th.

Yesterday I hadnt been contacted, supposedly an Investigator was supposed to contact me. So I contacted him. He did not believe that I was telling the truth because Im male.

I got a little mad and talked to his supervisor. I got them to read her emails and they made a call to her cell phone asking her to stop contacting me.

She was told that if she continued, she would be charged.

30 minutes later she texts me to tell me shes in my town.



Jill said:

"I'm sorry but something just doesn't seem right here... huh"

What does that mean?

Completely true.. unfortunately theres more..


4 am the redhead calls me. I was dead asleeep.

She tells me she has no place to stay and asks if she can come over.

I just met her. No way. Besides, its 4 am.


Im now heading back out to that bar. Hopefully I'll have more material to write about.

As casually as I can I check her out.

Lean, sweet, smiling brighter than the neon Corona sign directly over her head.

She catches me looking but I focus through her,

I'm too cool to be caught.

Shes there with her two girlfriends. One is cute, the other could take me in a wrestling match.

I catch that ones attention...

"Hey", she says. "You looking at me?"

OMG! What do i do now?

"Excuse me?" is my witty reply.

The cute one, the one I noticed first tries to save me:

"Im Donna, this is Rebecca and that is Tina."

Before I can introduce myself, Tina, Ms. Obnoxious, says,

"Tina...say it. Tina. Mine's the only name you need to remember."

I say hi, introduce myself try to shake cute girl 1's hand.

Tina will have none of it.

"She ain't yours, I am".
And she gets up to move nearer to me.

She settles next to me and I start looking for escape routes...

Damn, my nachos just got here. Am I really hungry?

Well they did cost $9...

I try to blow Tina off, I've totally given up on meeting Donna and Rebecca. Fight or flight has set in.

Across the bar a man sits with his head down, carefully peeking at me. He doesn't want Tina's attention either.

I fend off Tina's subtle flirtations:

Witty repoirtee like "Your hot" and, "I teach pre-K but I'll learn you a thing or two also".

She's a mental giant! How am I able to resist?

I finish my nachos in record time. I might have even chewed one, but I can't remember.

Donna mouths Im sorry at me and I wince back. I pay my tab and begin to stand.

Tina grabs my arm and holds me down.

MY GOD the power in that grip! I'll bet shes a pre-K gym teacher.

"Where are you going?"

I answer in a really high pitched, squeaky voice, "Home?"

"Your really going to leave me?"

I run.....

2 weeks later:

I walk into the bar and take a seat. Theres a cute redhead to my right and we begin to chat. Suddenly, I feel a grip on my shoulder.

Wow, nice grip!

I look up...

Tina.

"I remember you", she says, "you blew me off a few weeks ago".

I eek out a sorry, but she just laughs.

"You were the fifth guy I chased off that night."

I find my balls;

"Well, you were really really forward."

"I was?"

"Yes, you grabbed my arm and told me I couldn't go."

"Oh, well my husband and I had gotten into a fight. We're ok now."

I tell her I'm glad to hear it.

I really am, it means I'm no longer prey....

"Look", she says, "I can't remember your name, but can I call you thank you?"

"Why do you want to call me thank you?"

"Thank you,.... for not taking advantage of me."

The redhead next to me says AHHHHHHHHH and puts her hand on my arm.

Nice grip.

Maybe I like Tina after all.

Pain=Love=hurt=distrust=seeking=found out the light is always on, never off.
God's bill is always paid.
His right is so bright, no candle can compare.
Eyes burn, my heart yearns but close my lids I will not do.

Death awaits, how great! Kill me, there is no rock bottom when you are always saved!
Be brave, Satan is deprived because of what Christ gave.

Passionate love you fit my soul like a glove, you dove with an olive branch in its mouth.

Growth spring forth fresh leaves stemming from my stem. Im no longer grim.
God takes way my sin.

Learn to forgive...thats the first step to live.

Spring from the ground, spreading your arms so God can fly out of you and lift up others.
Be his soaring hawk, never balk, for you are chose to be his sharp weapon, his clever tool.
Used to open doors, tear down walls, slice open minds.
God is kind but oh so frightful in his wrath.
Follow his path. Learn to love.

He is Jehovah, Emmanuel, Yahweh, The Beginning and the End...Your friend.

How mighty are you to have the love of someone like him?

contacted sprint, they said that the volume of texts was so large that they were unable to store them and deleted all up until nov 26th.


That sucks

Cutiecami i just looked at your profile, you live 5 miles from her, we're from Wylie

I am not in touch with her family. One thing she has always done is keep me completely away from anyone that knows her.

Its plain paranoia, she did not want me communicating with them
because i might influence them against her or vice versa.

She lives two lives. on one hand shes the witnessing church girl that is spotless and then shell head downtown, dance at a strip club, come back to my place drunk and wake up the next morning to tell me that she cant be with me because im not Godly enough.

Keep in mind, i did not know a lot of this until recently

My prison psychologist friend said exactly this: the restraining order will only make things worse, but its my only option.

Ive been blogging about it for a while, its thereputic at www.datinginsanity.blogspot.com.


She is not the mother of my son. My ex wife got custody of my son about a year and a half ago. They live 5 miles from my crazy ex.

She has two other ex boyfriends that I have been hearing about for years. The way she talked about them when we got together is exactly the way she is talking about me now. Thats a real eye opener.

Both of them are in prison. One for being a white supremacist, the other for various offenses including pushing drugs, car theft and assault, including kidnapping her for 2 weeks and duct taping her to a chair.

Keep in mind, I met her in church. I thought she was amazing, i did not know any of this until later and then I thought she was working this stuff out... thats why she was in church.

Im a normal guy. I was married 14 years and was happy as a married man. This is unbelievably confusing to me.

As for movie material, I honestly have friends that have been through all of this with me that are now doubting any of it occurred just because of how unbelievable it is.



*** about having enough proof. I can get transcripts from sprint proving that for the last few months she has called me up to 30 times a day somedays, and her texts will go from I Love you i cant get you out of my mind, to I hate you suck me in one day.

I have been divorced 3 years. Shortly after my divorce I met a woman that really blew my mind. She was beautiful, sexy fun and everything I thought I ever wanted.

We have dated off and on for 2.5 years, and in that time a lot of really crazy things have happened. Unbelievable things.

She has been fired from 3 jobs, evicted from 2 apartments and has blamed me for that and anything else that has happened to her. Yet says she still loves me despite my being evil to her.

Her rationale is that she is so pretty and good hearted that they could not possibly have fired/evicted her because of something she did, therefore I must have convinced them to treat her so poorly because I was angry at her.

Finally, one year ago I decided to move away from my hometown to avoid her. She was telling me she hated me by day. Telling people we knew that I wouldnt leave her alone, and then showing up at my door at 3am drunk begging me to take her back. Then shed get up the next day and threaten to have me killed.

So I left Dallas and moved 9 hours away.

Thats 9 hours away from my son.

So here I am, 600 miles from my son, unable to see him on weekends because I seriously fear for my life.

She continues to harass me. she found my cell phone # recently and spent a day texting things like "im in bed with another man want a pic", and "I aborted your baby and did not tell you and im glad."

Ive kept a record of all of these, as well as the 20+ phone calls a day.

Well today I was contacted by several people I know through my myspace. Somehow, even tho I changed my name and my email address and made a completely new myspace, she found me.

And she emailed everyone on my myspace friends list a story, supposedly written my a friend of hers that is worried that I might treat my new friends as poorly as ive treated her.

I dont know these new friends very well, but the nature of the email is pretty obvious and ive received nothing but support.

I will be filing a restraining order tomorrow.

The problem is this, I seriously do fear for my life. I know the background of this woman. She is violent; she has scarred knuckled from punching another woman through a car window. She has headbutted me in the face out of anger and shes told me stories of things shes done to other people.

A prison psychologist friend has called her a sociopath. A counselor we saw together labeled her as borderline with schizophrenia.

Im a big, strong guy and im seriously afraid here. I know how Ive treated her and I honestly have been supporting her for years hoping she would miraculously get fixed.

What are my options? Ive never had to get a restraining order on anyone.

The most urgent thing for me is that, after being gone a year, I seriously miss my son.

Below is the email she sent one long time friend of mine:

"Hi, this is a little awkward for me but I have a
dear friend who went out with this Stephen guy,
She is a single mother with two children and her family
has been devastated by what this guy has done to them for the last two years.

He is very devious and manipulated her to no end.
He wanted to marry her, he did all kinds of nice things
the poem on his page is about her "ballerina" He gave that
to her in the many cards she got.
I told her to burn those things....

In the mean while he went to all her friends
including me and told me horrible stuff about her that
was far from the truth, we've been friends for about 8 years.
I blew it off, because I knew he was odd but later a lot of us at church got together to talk this out.

He went to her pastor, all the elders at church and her job.
I took a look at his my space page and plan on letting these girls no what their dealing with.

I believe he took you to a Christmas event at Bob's
I think it was you maybe another girl, forgive me if I'm wrong.

He tried to date most of the girls at church, and lied to my friend about that.
He told these girls and her church, SHE wouldn't leave him
alone. It was quite different though.
She is a very attractive girl, with a BIG heart.
She has no problem in that area.
I wanted to date her, matter of fact all the guys at church wanted to date her.
When any girl called him, he told her the same that they wouldn't leave him alone.
I'm pretty sure you are one of them.

She was planning on going to Africa one year and Stephen
signed up first only to tell everyone she was going because of him. (very high school, I know)
He actually has pictures on his page of Africa when he went
but this guy is far from a christian. He went there for a vacation, that's what he told me.
Pretty sad....

We think he posts this stuff so he looks good, kind of like the country song you look better on my space.

She of course did not go because she did not feel comfortable going with him, she knew something
was not right.

She found this out almost a year later.
I guess no one wanted to get involved so noone
let her know what was going on.
We all think he moved because everyone started to find out
what he was doing and this is a small town.

I asked why he would do this, she said
she didn't know...only that she would never commit to him
and she's pretty sure that's why or he's mentally ill.

You can do with this what you like, this might even sound
familiar.

If you want to chat that's fine. I have a girlfriend but
anything to help."

Morning's bells wake me and I step groggily from my bed.

Floor's cold touch creeps upward as I frantically find my socks.

Donning said socks cures the icy attack and I slip/slide towards my door..

and into the hallway.


Silently I ease open his door and allow my eyes to adjust.

A lump in a fetal shape mounds the comforter of a twin sized bed.

I sneak on tipped toes to its edge and see my field of flowers.

So beautiful. So sweet, so asleep.

I lay down beside him and can feel his warmth even through the down.

"There's a Tyrannosaurus loose", I say, "Only you can save us! Please wake up Sir Joshie, and fight him for us!"

One brilliantly brown eye slides open and peeks at me.

"Super Josh, its time to get up, you have to save the world!"

I'm rewarded with the sun when the corners of his mouth begin to turn up.

The war has just begun. The eye closes and sleep is feigned.

I up the ante by brushing his neck lightly with one finger.

I know Joshua's kryptonite. It's the same as mine.

We are ticklish to the core.

He shivers like a red wriggler on a hook.

"Daddy", he whispers, "I love you, but stop".

His breath smells so horrible/wonderful. Something died in there during the night.

I don't care, I miss that scent.

"Son", says his father, "It's time for school."