As casually as I can I check her out.

Lean, sweet, smiling brighter than the neon Corona sign directly over her head.

She catches me looking but I focus through her,

I'm too cool to be caught.

Shes there with her two girlfriends. One is cute, the other could take me in a wrestling match.

I catch that ones attention...

"Hey", she says. "You looking at me?"

OMG! What do i do now?

"Excuse me?" is my witty reply.

The cute one, the one I noticed first tries to save me:

"Im Donna, this is Rebecca and that is Tina."

Before I can introduce myself, Tina, Ms. Obnoxious, says,

"Tina...say it. Tina. Mine's the only name you need to remember."

I say hi, introduce myself try to shake cute girl 1's hand.

Tina will have none of it.

"She ain't yours, I am".
And she gets up to move nearer to me.

She settles next to me and I start looking for escape routes...

Damn, my nachos just got here. Am I really hungry?

Well they did cost $9...

I try to blow Tina off, I've totally given up on meeting Donna and Rebecca. Fight or flight has set in.

Across the bar a man sits with his head down, carefully peeking at me. He doesn't want Tina's attention either.

I fend off Tina's subtle flirtations:

Witty repoirtee like "Your hot" and, "I teach pre-K but I'll learn you a thing or two also".

She's a mental giant! How am I able to resist?

I finish my nachos in record time. I might have even chewed one, but I can't remember.

Donna mouths Im sorry at me and I wince back. I pay my tab and begin to stand.

Tina grabs my arm and holds me down.

MY GOD the power in that grip! I'll bet shes a pre-K gym teacher.

"Where are you going?"

I answer in a really high pitched, squeaky voice, "Home?"

"Your really going to leave me?"

I run.....

2 weeks later:

I walk into the bar and take a seat. Theres a cute redhead to my right and we begin to chat. Suddenly, I feel a grip on my shoulder.

Wow, nice grip!

I look up...

Tina.

"I remember you", she says, "you blew me off a few weeks ago".

I eek out a sorry, but she just laughs.

"You were the fifth guy I chased off that night."

I find my balls;

"Well, you were really really forward."

"I was?"

"Yes, you grabbed my arm and told me I couldn't go."

"Oh, well my husband and I had gotten into a fight. We're ok now."

I tell her I'm glad to hear it.

I really am, it means I'm no longer prey....

"Look", she says, "I can't remember your name, but can I call you thank you?"

"Why do you want to call me thank you?"

"Thank you,.... for not taking advantage of me."

The redhead next to me says AHHHHHHHHH and puts her hand on my arm.

Nice grip.

Maybe I like Tina after all.

too funny and I'm sure very true

Completely true.. unfortunately theres more..


4 am the redhead calls me. I was dead asleeep.

She tells me she has no place to stay and asks if she can come over.

I just met her. No way. Besides, its 4 am.


Im now heading back out to that bar. Hopefully I'll have more material to write about.