(Q.) Three words to ruin a man's ego...
(A.) "Is it in?"

( Q.) What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury DoughBoy?
( A.) A red headed b*tch with a yeast infection.

(Q.) How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
( A.) One of his fingers is clean.

( Q.) What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
( A.) They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.

One day a truck driver was driving along an old, abandoned highway, when he saw a man walking on the side of the road. He pulled over, and saw it was a priest. He let him in, and they continued driving. A short while later, they saw another man on the side of the road, but he was clearly a lawyer. The truck driver instinctively pulled over to the shoulder to hit the man, but he remembered the priest was in the truck. Despite his intense swerving to try to avoid the man, when he passed, there was a thump.
He immediately turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry, father. I was sure I missed him."

"That's ok son," said the priest, "I got him with the door."

thanks song, maybe I should've been a nurse

don't get me started song

thanks mirrow

A slimy fellow proposed a one dollar bar bet to a full figured girl.
Despite her dress being buttoned to the neck, he could touch her breasts without touching her clothes.
Since this didn't seem remotely possible, she was intrigued and accepted the bet.
He stepped up, cupped his hands around her breasts and squeezed firmly.
With a baffled look, she said, "Hey, you touched my clothes" and he replied,

"Okay. I owe you a dollar."


Now thats a heck of a trick
Cooly

A woman was walking down the street when she was approached by a man. The man said, "I must have you right now! I'll drop $500 on the ground at your feet and in the time it takes for you to pick it up I can have my way with you from behind!"

The woman thought it over and told the man to wait a minute. She called her girlfriend on her cell phone and told her about the man's proposition. Her girlfriend said "When he drops the $500 on the ground I'm sure you can pick it up and run before he gets his pants down. Call me back and tell me what happened."

An hour and a half later the lady called her girlfriend back. "What happened?" the girlfriend asked.



The lady said "That jerk had $500 in quarters!"

yep, gives us all things to think about

would've loved to seen her face

i like that

it sure makes ya think

thanks jeff

hey i think i still need to do some laundry, way to much starch in my shorts still

Bro not even gonna think of it, tough to keep up all them names

OMG hope I don't start going boobs now

shhh ya wasn't suppose to tell anyone I needed a shoulder to cry on

Maybe in the ATM hmmm
thanks txmom

I love you guys your so funny but nope
If I ever lose my hat for real I've got some great ideals now
But I'm sorry, it's not how this riddle works

the answer is there, not too hard is it???
it's just how do I get it back

had 2 do it thought i heard crikets earlier
not anymore

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it's exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off you’re butt and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, it's favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.

If you cry, you're a wimp.
If you don't, you're insensitive.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist pig, you bast*rd.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.
If she asks you, it's a favor.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.
If you don't, you're a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you're after something or what did you do now
If you don't, you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements, you're an egotist.
If you're not, you're not ambitious.

If she has a headache, she's tired.
If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore, and you must be sleeping around.


Just trying to help ya guys
Cooly