thanks Ann, was that you Bob

Glad to anytime

thanks guys, a lil mix there

What is the difference between a sin and shame?
It's a sin to stick it in and a shame to take it out.

Two eggs boiling in a pan, one male and one female.
The female egg says "Look, I've got a crack"
"No good telling me" replies the male egg "I'm not hard yet"

Q. Why don't guys like to preform oral sex on a woman the morning after sex?
A. Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese sandwich?

Q. Why don't they have any toilet paper in KFC?
A. Because its finger licking good

My pleasure Ann
Cooly

Three friends decided to bet each other $100 on who could make their wives scream more from sex.

They all go home to have sex with their wives and make them scream.

The next day they meet. The first friend says, "I made love to my wife for 2 hours and she was screaming for at least 1 1/2 hours."

The second friend says, "That's nothing, I start licking my wife for two hours and she was screaming the whole time and half hour after that."

The third friend says, " That's nothing, I made love to my wife for ten minutes, I came a couple times I wiped my D*ck on the curtain and she's still screaming."

There was this lady and she really wanted to have sex, but she was to scared to ask her husband so she went to a jipsy and told her her problem.

The jipsy rummaged around in a chest and pulled out a pickle jar with a penis in it, and said "All you have to do is open the jar and say 'Pickle penis my vigina' and it will start having sex with you".

So later she tries out the pickle penis and it works great. That is until her husband walks in and he shouts "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT" and the woman says "It's a pickled penis"

Unfortunately her husband replied "PICKLE PENIS MY A*S"

Now that what ya call HOT sex
Thanks ya'll

can ya hear me in there rocker
thanks Hon

thanks 2much4u & jtitol

thanks ya'll

thanks Bro

I like it, kinda a catchy lil thing
thanks

There were these three guys outside of a bar. There was a black guy, a white guy, and a chinese guy. They all had been in the bar before and saw this gorgious woman.

Well they made a bet to see who could make the woman scream.

The white guy goes in a comes out and the woman is laughing, and then the black guys goes in, well after he comes out she is laughing even harder.

The chinese guy goes in and a after a few minutes she is screaming bloody murder. Then he comes out, and the other two guys said how did you do that, and the chinese guy goes

"Me chinese, me play trick, me put hot sauce on my d*ck

This is a little story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.

Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody's job.

Everybody thought that Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it.

It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done

Thanks wolfy and WOW

1. My mother taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE."If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me about RELIGION."You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL."If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me about LOGIC."Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me about FORESIGHT."Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
6. My mother taught me about IRONY."Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
7. My mother taught me about STAMINA."You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
8. My mother taught me about WEATHER."This room of yours looks like a tornado went through it."
9. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY."If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
10. My mother taught me about the CIRCLE OF LIFE."I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
11. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
12. My mother taught me about ENVY."There are millions of children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
13. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION."Just wait until we get home."
14. My mother taught me about RECEIVING."You are going to get it when you get home!"
15. My mother taught me about MEDICAL SCIENCE."If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
16. My mother taught me about ESP."Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you'll be cold?"
17. My mother taught me about HUMOR."When that lawnmower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
18. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT."If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
19. My mother taught me about GENETICS."You're just like your father."
20. My mother taught me about WISDOM."When you get to be my age, you'll understand.
21. My mother taught me about SHARING." I’m going to give you a piece of my mind!"
22. My mother taught me about FEAR."One day you'll have a child who'll do the same things to you."

Does this sound like your Mom too???
Cooly

Q: What do you call an eternity?
A: Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.

Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like Hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of a mirror with her eyes closed?
A: She wanted to see what she looked like asleep

Q: What do you give the blonde who has everything?
A: Penicillin.


Don't kill now all you wonderful blonde haired ladies
Cooly

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn.
She rolled the dice and she landed on Science &Nature.

Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer.

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in.

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "Cumin" or "Tofu". For all I know these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).

Because I'm a man, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger -- I mean, how the hell could he know where we're going?

Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex or baseball, though I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't.

Because I'm a man, I am capable of announcing, "One more beer and I really have to go", and mean it every single time I say it, even when it gets to the point that the one bar closes and my buddies and I have to go hunt down another. I will find it increasingly hilarious to have my pals call you to tell you I'll be home soon, and no, I don't understand why you threw all my clothes into the front yard. Like, what's the connection?

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.

Because I'm a man, yes, I have to turn up the radio when Bruce Springsteen or The Doors comes on, and then, yes, I have to tell you every single time about how Bruce had his picture on the cover of Time and Newsweek the same day, or how Jim Morrison is buried in Paris and everyone visits his grave. Please do not behave as if you do not find this fascinating.

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the 90's, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, and the dishes. I'll do the rest.


THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE MESSAGE FOR WOMEN, TO BETTER UNDERSTAND THE MALE ANIMAL.

Cooly