really gets thew mind going
Cooly

A Hawaiian woodpecker and a Californian woodpecker were arguing about which place had the toughest trees. The Hawaii woodpecker said Hawaii had a tree that no woodpecker could peck. The California woodpecker accepted his challenge, and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Hawaiian woodpecker was in awe. The California woodpecker then challenged the Hawaiian woodpecker to peck a tree in California that was absolutely unpeckable.
The Hawaiian woodpecker expressed confidence he could do it, so accepted the challenge. After flying to California, the Hawaii woodpecker successfully pecked the tree with no problem. So the two woodpeckers were now confused.
How is it that the Californian woodpecker was able to peck the Hawaiian tree and the Hawaiian woodpecker was able to peck the Californian tree, but neither one was able to peck the tree in their own state?

After much woodpecker-pondering, they both came to the same conclusion:

Your pecker is always harder when you're away from home.

thanx ya'll, now what was you thinking

A married couple are driving along when they see a wounded skunk on the side of the road. They stop, the wife gets out, picks it up and brings it into the car.
She says, "Look, it's shivering, it must be cold. What should I do?"
Her husband replies, "Put it between your legs to keep it warm."
She asks, "What about the smell?"

He says, "Hold its nose."

heaven Joke
Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were whipped by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St Peter."
Said and done, the next time God looks the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were whipped was 100 miles long, on the line of men that dominated women there was only one man.
God got mad and said. "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud, Learn from him!" Tell them my son how did you manage to be the only one on that line?

The man said, "I don't know. My wife told me to stand here."

He laid her on the table,
so white clean and bare.
his forehead wet with beads of sweat,
he rubbed her here and there.
he stroked her neck then felt her breast,
and then drooling felt her thigh.
the slit was wet and all was set,
he gave a joyous cry. the hole was wide,
he looked inside, all was dark and murky.
he rubbed his hands and strecthed his arms
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
and then he stuffed the turkey.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."
So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.
"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."

"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."

thanks ya'll, from ya fellow blonde
Cooly

hey i need some coffee too
thanks everyone

Well thats all she wanted, ouch

On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.. Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, "What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob."

All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says

"Don’t forget the coffee!"

A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one spend eternity in. In the first room, people are standing in **** up to their necks. The guy says "no, let me see the next room." In the second room, people are standing with **** up to their noses. Guy says no again. Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room. People are standing with **** up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating danish pastries. The guy says, "I pick this room." Satan says okay and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee.

On the way out Satan yells, "O.K., coffee break's over. Everyone back on your heads!"

Welcome to JSH

Come have some laughs in the joke room

Cooly

thanks everybody

thanks, she was just trying to be more like you song

Why didn't she just shot the poor guy
Cooly

Jesus and Saint Peter are golfing. St. Peter steps up to the tee on a par three and hits one long and straight. It reaches the green. Jesus is up next. He slices it. It heads over the fence into traffic on an adjacent street. Bounces off a truck, onto the roof of a nearby shack and into the rain gutter, down the drain spout and onto a lilly pad at the edge of a lake. A frog jumps up and snatches the ball in his mouth. An eagle swoops down, grabs the frog. As the eagle flies over the green, the frog croaks and drops the ball. It’s in the hole.

Saint Peter looks at Jesus, exasperated. "Are you gonna play golf?" he asks "Or are you just gonna f*ck around?"

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said.

"No. I hate myself now."

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That’s not surprising," the elders say.

"You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."

thanks ya'll
Cooly