A talented concert violist was running a few errands on her way home from rehearsal one day. She'd been in the post office for five minutes when she realized that she'd left her viola in the back seat of the car with the doors unlocked. She rushed out of the post office and ran back to her car where her worst fears were realized.














Somebody had left two more violas in the back seat of her car.

How many singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Sopranos -- just one, but the other sopranos will insist that they could do it better.

Tenors -- just one. He holds the light bulb steady while the world revolves around him.

Altos -- Don't be ridiculous. Altos can't reach that high.

What's the difference between a Porsche and a soprano?


Most musicians have never been in a Porsche.

It's from the movie Magnolia.

Disgaea: Hour of Darkness!

>_< A hectare is a unit of area.

Just a few minutes ago, a telemarketer called me. After that call, I believe I have found the best way ever to get rid of them. He was trying to sell me on a credit card and apparently they're legally obligated to collect your date of birth to confirm that you're over the age of 18. I refused to give it to him on the grounds that if I did, he'd send me a birthday card and I'd feel really uncomfortable receiving a birthday card from a complete stranger.

Looks like Bob thinks that somebody is a PEBKAC.

I am not saying that you are personally guilty of this behaviour, but in my experience, men are still expected to be the pursuers and initiators of relationships. So yes, as long as a majority of people hold that men should pursue and that women should be pursued, then the attitudes to which you object are going to prevail. On the other side of the coin, many women practice deceit and emotional abuse to "test" men. Gender roles being what they are, there will always be people of poor character that behave in ways that the rest of us find embarrassing. Most people, though, just want to get by and the pitfalls generated by traditional gender roles are just obstacles.

ChiefPUA seems to have vanished from the scene, but he would have mentioned that there's something in the PUA community called the 3-second rule. If you notice somebody with whom you'd like to strike up a conversation, act on that impulse within 3 seconds. Any more than that and you'll probably lose your nerve or somebody else will get there first.

I'm a little bit overweight at the moment. It's nothing that I can't carry gracefully so far, but I'd like to nip it in the bud before it goes any further. One thing I know about dieting is that you really can't do something temporarily to take the weight off. You have to pick an eating plan that is satisfying and healthy that will allow you to maintain a lower body weight than you currently maintain.

The one that worked well for my parents and which I rather liked was the South Beach Diet. It's similar to Atkins in some regards because it discourages consumption of carbohydrates. On the other hand, it was developed as a cardiac health diet, so it emphasizes lean meats, LOTS of vegetables, and meals with balanced intake of nutrients. (For example, if you ARE going to eat carbohydrates, eat something high in fibre and include some fats with it to slow down the absorption of the sugars and starches.)

It can be a bit pricey since you have to cut out things like white bread and you have to buy a lot of produce as well as higher-quality cuts of meat. I think that the food you get to eat is very satisfying, though. Furthermore, it de-emphasizes portion control. It never asks you to stop eating before you're satisfied. It works on the principle that if you're eating the right foods, your caloric intake will drop and your metabolism will increase without you ever having to go hungry. In that regard, it's an excellent diet to be adopted as a life-long eating plan.

This is sort of where I stand. I like some of the Republican candidates much more than I like others. That said, I could also see myself voting for any of the Democratic candidates currently with a chance at the nomination. I have a problem with some of Hilary Clinton's opinions that she aired while she was First Lady. I'll wait to see what platforms they choose once the nominations have been settled. It's possible that I will vote for a 3rd party or independent candidate like I did last time. (Remember: The Republican and Democratic parties have become dangerously entrenched. A vote for a 3rd party is a vote for your children having choices that matter.)

Your profile isn't part of you. You are not impoverished by leaving it behind. You can "completely leave" and never look back regardless of the state of your profile here. I wouldn't go so far as to side with those who are calling you stupid, but this sort of posting seems to be begging for attention. I agree with peachiegirl. If you wish to depart, then do so.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_pen

It wasn't actually developed by NASA, although the guy who invented it DOES now sell them to both the American and Russian space programs. The most interesting thing from the article, I think, is that a normal ballpoint pen will, in fact, work in space. On the other hand, you have to admit, it's a damned sexy inkpen. (I happen to be a writing enthusiast. I don't go for fountain pens or anything quite that fancy, but a nice ballpoint or rollerball is a treat.)

My cats are named Agamemnon and Lili'uokalani (Ag & Lili.) I figured that cats already think they're royalty, so I might as well give them suitably royal names.

Bob returns from his lunch break and he looks dejected and humiliated. His buddy, Steve, claps him on the shoulder and asks him, "Bob, amigo, what's got you down?"

"Steve," Bob says, "I just embarrassed myself in front of a beautiful woman. You know I'm going on a trip next week, so I stopped by the train station to get my ticket. This gorgeous blonde with huge knockers is behind the counter and when she asked me if she could help me, I said, 'I'd like a picket to Titsburg, please.'"

"Buddy, you've got nothing to worry about," Steve replies. "It was just a little Freudian slip. It happens to everybody. Why, just this morning, I was having breakfast with my wife. What I meant to say was, "Darling, would you please pass the maple syrup?" What came out was, "Gina, you lousy whore, you've ruined my whole life!"

I hate this guy. He always stands there so smugly, his hands on his waist, his hips thrust forward. He looks like he thinks he's too good to touch his own junk. I secretly hope that he's dripping on his Armani trousers.

No, no, you don't understand. We're not reaching down to make sure they're still there. It's because they've shifted into a position where we're altogether too aware that they're there (and being squashed) and we have to herd them back into position.

Now, granted, I did it a little bit myself because the question wasn't very clear, but answering "both" doesn't promote any interesting discussion. The purpose of an "either / or" question is to probe a person's priorities and to prompt discussion of the merits of the responses. No, they're not ACTUALLY mutually exclusive, but the implied subtext of the question is, "Suppose that they ARE mutually exclusive."

The Mensa Invitational entries are hilarious. I intend to add "ignoranus" to my lexicon and I intend to tell my friends about "foreploy."