I actually work in technical sales. One day, I had to call up one of our technical specialists with a tough question and he told me I ought to aim for marketing because I described it as a "challenging application."

I get all my funny jokes and stories by looking at what other people posted four days ago and copying/pasting the ones that I like.
(No, I don't. I usually just post responses in here.)

I drink, but always in moderation. I've actually gotten into loud arguments with one of my mates for refusing a third beer. Here's my assessment of the matter. No matter what your reason for not drinking, if the people around you are drinking for any of the wrong reasons, then your refusal is going to make them feel insecure. I wouldn't go so far as to say that you're hanging with the wrong crowd. College, by and large, is a very insecure place full of people who want to pretend that they have their ****e together. In the long run, it will be better for you AND for the people for whom you are modeling a healthier decision-making model if you hold to your convictions.

If you want to forestall some of the random offers to get you a drink, get a glass of soda as soon as you arrive and just nurse that. You might still get a few people offering to top you off with a shot of Captain Morgan, but people who are just trying to be hospitable won't approach you as much.

It has nothing to do with misconceptions about women. I understand that women, in general, like most other human beings, enjoy sex. I am, in fact, eager to find a woman who is enthusiastic about sex. This desire, however, runs parallel to a matter of faith. I have chosen to remain chaste until marriage. At the very least, I require a woman who will understand and respect this decision. Mind you, I don't require any particular degree of previous chastity on her part. (It would be hypocritical of me to do so. Despite my best intentions, I've gone further sexually than I believe I should have.)

The two cats that I have now appear to be perfect sweethearts. One of my folks' cats, though, is always up to something. I used to joke with people, "Do you know how I can tell that Marble is plotting something? Look closely, I'd say, and you can see him breathing. Whenever he does that, he's up to no good."

I just thought I'd share a small success story.

On Friday night, I chatted with a couple of women at the local bar. I started out the conversation with something like, "I've been thinking of getting another critter to keep my cats company. Which do you think would be better: a hedgehog or a ferret?"

The conversation didn't last all that long and I didn't get their numbers or anything, but I think it's the first time I've approached a girl (or two, in this case) with a fabricated premise to have a conversation.

I heard a joke similar to this one not to long ago.

A man is boasting to his mates that his girlfriend has a tattoo of a seashell on her thigh. One of his mates slaps him on the back and says, "I bet if you put your ear up to it, you can smell the ocean."

I'm glad that you mentioned this. I was about to protest that this couldn't be a real Darwin because the guy is still alive. I always forget that the wording of the award only requires that the recipient have removed him- or her-self from the gene pool.

I've seen a variation of this joke here before but this one is a much better variant. Thanks!

(oYo) Boobies!

This stinker is my own creation.

Ephraim: Hi there. My name's Eph.
Her: Hey. I'm Amanda.
Ephraim: What do you do for a living? Me? I work in sales and I'd like to know how I can achieve deeper market penetration in Amanda Inc.

I received a birthday card from a friend once that said:

We're such good friends that if there were only one slice of cake left and we both had a fork in our hands...

...I'd tell the paramedics to make sure that your bandages match your party hat.

My sister recently joined a Facebook group to campaign against this pose. There, they call it the "puckered up duck" face.

All of my favourite things still happen early in the morning. Despite having to rise at 5:30 or 6:00 to get ready for work, you will still find me awake at 3:00 sometimes. Staying up this late on weekends is especially common. Next time I find myself up at 3:00, I'm going someplace for chicken wings.

(Okay, I'm grown up. Mostly what I like to do at 3:00 a.m. is to go grocery shopping. I love my 24-hour grocery store.)

Although I agree with you that some degree of physical intimacy is necessary to escalate a relationship beyond friendship, I don't agree that sex is the dividing line. I wouldn't kiss or engage in petting with somebody who was "just another friend." These are behaviours that I reserve for women with whom I am in a more intimate, committed relationship. Likewise, as a celibate, I am reserving sex and oral sex for marriage, which is the most intimate, committed relationship of all.

Allow me to play the devil's advocate. If this was your tactic, how did you know whether or not these girls were interesting? You gained and kept their attention, but what motivated you to do so?

In reality, when I'm on, I really enjoy being the center of attention, so I can understand that as a motivation in and of itself. If you're just entertaining, though, and not engaging, how does this technique tie back into making a more intimate contact with somebody?

Perhaps I will answer my own question: Does it make it easier to approach one of the women later if you're both going to be at the same location for an extended period of time?

I would not assume up front that not asking any questions in a response indicates no interest. Others have specified several good reasons why somebody might neglect to ask any. If somebody makes a habit of not asking any questions over two or three emails, then I would be more concerned about lack of interest. (In fact, because I am unfailingly polite about answering emails and also non-confrontational about expressing disinterest, this is precisely what I will do when I am not interested in somebody -- answer questions, but not promote further conversation.)

It bears mentioning, however, that after receiving one email with no questions prompting further response, I'll make sure that my next email contains an explicit invitation like, "Is there anything else you'd particularly like to know about me?"

I thought that it was like this:
http://pbfcomics.com/?cid=PBF055-Dinosaur_Meteors.jpg

Sociallyukeys, I dated a violist in college and she taught me a bunch of viola jokes.

I liked the one that goes, "What's the range of a viola? 25 yards, if you have a good arm." Weeks after she told me that one, I boasted that I could do something with a viola that she couldn't and without missing a beat, she said, "Sure. You could throw it 25 yards," which is exactly what I had planned on saying.

People are afraid of an Italian man carrying a violin case because they're afraid that he might take a machine gun out of the case and open fire.

People are afraid of an Italian man carrying a viola case because they're afraid that he might take a viola out of the case and start playing.