Saturnswirls, that sounds to me like the purpose of smalltalk is judging whether or not somebody is capable of making smalltalk. Is it really that important to people that others be able to make conversation about topics that are designed not to matter to anybody? To me, that just sounds like a celebration of making noise without actually communicating anything.

SincereMan51, why don't people break the ice with discussions about integrity, politics, or current events? Aren't those things interesting? Wouldn't they make for a more stimulating introduction to somebody in whom you are interested than last night's episode of Scrubs? If the purpose of talking to somebody is to get to know them, why wouldn't you choose a topic that you (and hopefully the other person) actually cares about?

MsTeddyBear2u, I think my gripe with smalltalk is that it doesn't allow somebody to get to know the substance of a person. The subject matter is all superficial. Substance is, in my experience, deemed too much for a first conversation. I've basically been told before, by people who are better at smalltalk than I am, that when you walk up to somebody in a bar, they don't want to talk about integrity, philosophy, or literature. In fact, the way it's been described to me, the less the subject matters, the better it is for smalltalk. What is being exchanged there, then, that is so valuable? What so other people see and absorb that either flies right over my head or which does not register as relevant to me?

I have heard it explained that smalltalk serves to facilitate the development of first impressions. By discussing trivial topics, two people can focus on one another and determine whether or not there is any chemistry there.

May I just fail to understand the way in which most women are attracted to men, but this does not seem productive to me. First, at least for me, chemistry is largely based on visual perception. I determine a great deal about chemistry before I ever talk to a girl.

Second, what kind of impressions can somebody possibly form in a five minute conversation about the weather and the local sport team? I don't understand the need for this sort of first impression. I can't convey to a woman the sorts of things for which I want to be desired. It's hard to demonstrate integrity, chastity, and respect in a brief conversation with little or no actual substance.

This is why I tend to like online dating. I can write a profile that presents the aspects of myself that I find admirable. Sure, I think I look okay, I shower regularly, and I don't have a foul mouth, but those are the bare minimum. It's hard to see, though, how a woman might come away from a smalltalk chat with me with any significant information about who I am. On what criteria, then, is she supposed to judge whether or not she'd ever care to have a second conversation with me?