I wouldn't want to be with someone who could "lose it" at anytime either. ("Lose it" over any little thing with no advanced warning.) YUK!...I'd rather be with someone who was even-tempered and stable and consistent.

I don't like to think in terms of being "opponents" either...Playfulness can create passion in a relationship too. It doesn't have to come from fighting and being "at war." This is how I feel anyway.

I hope you find a gentle and understanding man who has a lot of patience. My "last" husband was this way with me...When we met I was fearful and "damaged" from 2 failed marriages earlier in life and I had been on my own for a long time. (With just my kids.)...I was used to "doing" for myself and a little suspicious when people seemed too caring. (Did the caring and kindness come with "strings?")...My husband and I were "just friends" for two years and he never pushed for "more."...During our years as friends I gained trust in him...He wasn't needy and clingy. Quite the opposite...He took pride in being well-rounded and self-sufficient. And he didn't want to turn me into a needy and helpless female just to pump-up his ego...Anyway he knew my background and never got "pushy" and had the patience of a "saint!" And little by little I let down my "guard" and let him into my heart.

I'm glad your Dad apologized to you...My Dad apologized and cried at times too...And it's always been easy for me to apologize when I feel I "screwed-up" or made mistakes etc... We're all bound to make mistakes at times. No one is perfect! And like you I prefer to be around people (men and women) who don't think it's a crime (or beneath them) to apologize when need be.

Thanks for being so open and honest..My Mom and Dad were both "equally strong." (And this was way back in the 40's and 50's and 60's etc.)...My Mom had a "big heart" but she didn't take "guff" from anyone...I guess I learned that we don't do anyone any "favors" by "covering" for them. I think we're on earth to help each other "grow" through "wake-calls."...People who rely on "smoke screens" (anger and defensiveness and intimidation tactics) are actually blocking and stunting their own "growth." And they make it hard for the people around them to "grow" too...Everyone keeps getting pulled back into the "muck" and dysfunction and life becomes "toxic" and unhealthy for the entire family...So I keep all of this in mind when I run into angry and defensive people. I actually view them as "scared little kids" who haven't developed healthy coping skills...They can "huff" and "puff" all they want to around me but I "see through" their "smoke screens" and tactics. I ask them to please start acting a little more "grown-up." (So we can talk in adult-to-adult ways.)...If they keep "ranting" and "raving" I cut things off (while keeping my "cool") and ask them to leave. (Until they are able to keep a grip on their emotions and talk in "civil ways.")

I was shy and studious in grammar school. (For the most part.)..But all hell broke loose when I entered high school...My parents sent me to a snooty and snobby Catholic girl's academy..I gave some of the nuns a bad time and questioned everything. The dean "asked me to leave" in the middle of my junior year...Later in life I put myself through college and became a serious student again...But I never stopped questioning things... I just became a little more mellow and "diplomatic" through the years.

My Dad had periodic rage-attacks and turned into a "madman." So I got used to being around angry and unreasonable people at an early age..I stood-up to my Dad as I got older and held my "ground" despite his rantings and ravings...Both my Mom and I kept telling him to "grow-up."..He was a kind and caring and reasonable person most of the time and even playful...He just let his feelings build-up over time until he reached a "boiling point" and "erupted" on a periodic basis...One time I told him he reminded me of the Wizard of Oz character in the movie. The "wizard" tried to scare and control the town by making noises with a computer-like machine. ( But it was all a "smoke screen.")..There was no real "wizard." Just a shy and cowardly man who wanted to keep everyone "at bay."...I don't usually get intimidated by angry or defensive people due to my experiences with my Dad... I "stand my ground" and "mess" with their head. But I prefer mellow and reasonable people (most of all) who don't become "hyper-emotional" and erratic!

What were you like in the past? (Compared to today?)...Did your life take a lot of twists and turns along the way?.. Do you think that friends you knew in grammar school or high school would be surprised at who you are today? And surprised at how your life turned-out? Just curious...

Some men can be a little passive. Maybe they were raised this way and taught that this is the key to being a gentleman or ?...They seem to think that being "nice" and "pleasing" (and even compliant) is the way to win a woman's heart....I wouldn't want a controlling and dominant man. But I'm not looking for a total "people-pleaser" either...It's great when both partners have strong "selves" of their own (And preferences and interests and ideas etc.)...It's fun to take turns at suggesting activities and making compromises when need be...I don't want to be controlled or told "what to do." And I don't want to be placed in a "controlling role" either...It's more fun to be equals and best-friends. And decide on things together. (When mutual decisions need to be made.)

I agree with you...Playing out a fixed and assigned role isn't about "being real." It involves following lots of "rules.".. How can we be "real" or "true to ourselves" when we're obligated to "stay in line" and follow a "set pattern" all the time?

I'm all for couples working through problems so they can stay together too. (If possible.)...My views aren't based on religious beliefs. I just hate to see so many people run into heartache and disappointments (over and over again) to the point that they lose faith and trust in "love" entirely. (And get bitter and burnt-out.)...It's sad when children get put in the middle of their parents' "grudges" and anger toward each other. (Or anger towards the opposite sex in general.) Don't you think?...Children need good role-models so they will be able to create happy and healthy and loving relationships (themselves) when they become adults.

Sorry about your experiences...My husband and I were constantly coming-up with new ideas and taking on new challenges "together." We started and ran new businesses together. (Combining our skills.)..Once in awhile we branched out on our "own" a little more. But we helped and supported each other in a "back-up" positions and still "shared all" with each other...I don't think there was anything we didn't know about each other because we shared our thoughts and feelings and experiences and "dreams" with each other on a continual basis. (Through-out the course of each day.)...My son was close to both of us too. We all loved being close and "sharing all" with each other...Now I just have the cats to talk to and it gets pretty lonely at times.

All women and all men don't want the same exact things when it comes to relationships...Basically we're all individuals with our very own wants and needs and preferences. And each couple needs to figure-out what works best for them....Making assumptions about the opposite sex "in general" and carrying around a lot of expectations just leads to break-ups and heartache (down the road) for all concerned.

When partners expect each other to play out "fixed roles" this can lead to problems...The roles can block growth and create a "ball and chain" existence...Life becomes nothing more than meeting expectations and boring roles and ruts and routines..."Same old, same old" gets "old."...But it's different when each partner feels free to grow and evolve through the years and see "new sides" to who they are. (Within the framework of their marriage.)

Leigh...Thanks for responding. Sorry about your neighbor. I have a male neighbor who goes on and on and on too...He's a widower and I know he's lonely without his wife..I finally had to tell him that I was sorry but I just couldn't be his one and only friend...And I'm not interested in a "love" relationship right now either...For awhile he used to come knocking at my door everyday to tell me about his latest problem. Or just to "run" some of his thoughts "by me" etc...Finally I told him that he was a grown man and I had confidence that he could "figure-out" solutions to his problems on his own. (I patted him on his arm and shoulder when I said this.)..I'm a widow (with no family left) and I'm on my own now too...Part of my growth process involves "figuring things out" for myself. (This is how I feel anyway.)...I don't like gossip either. This is why I tend to just "keep to myself."

Good morning to you too!...I run into people in my area who complain non-stop to me and anyone else around...When I see them with their friends I notice that everyone complains most of the time. (So I figure it must be their culture.)..If someone joined their group and talked about too many positive things I'm sure they would be regarded as a weirdo or an "outcast."...I live in a "melting pot" kind of area with "mixed cultures." So I "tread lightly" and listen most of all. (Listen and observe and try to gain some understanding about the "rules" and norms in all the various cultures.)...I know some people who barely talk at all. Yet other people seem to get "antsy" and nervous when there is silence. (And rush right in to fill-up the "void.")...I try to spend the majority of my time with people who prefer "2-way conversations." And people who share some of my interests...Years ago I lived in an area where there was more of a "common culture." But now I'm part of a "mixed bag." And I want to be tolerant and non-judgemental...Quite a few men in this area are big, big talkers. (They are not shy or "reserved.") But it seems to make them happy to talk so this is good.

I can relate...My husband didn't have "movie star" looks but he was "handsome enough."... It was his personality that drew people to him. He was cute and friendly (to all) and "full of life!"...He could really "light-up a room" yet he was modest and humble.. It was his joy and excitement and zest for life that made him so attractive and endearing...And he showed interest in everyone and knew how to make sincere and heartwarming and meaningful "connections" with people. (Both men and women.)...He never flirted. He always treated women with dignity and respect...Anyway I felt proud of my husband and proud to be married to him.

The notion of social-skills can be tricky since we all come from different backgrounds and cultures. Don't you think?...What is the norm in our particular culture? How are men and women expected to "act?" What are the "rules" when it comes to "talking" (or not?)...Are we suppose to be passive and agreeable at all times? Or is it okay to "speak-out" and say how we "honestly feel?"...Is it "okay" to tell someone that we'd like to "switch topics" for awhile? Or ask for a little silence and "quiet time?" I think it all depends on our culture and "programming." Don't you?

Great post! I admire your attitude!

I agree...It is interesting to read everyone's "take" on things.