Sorry you got hit and abused...I wouldn't do well (at all) with a man who had "jealousy issues."..I'd look for a man who was more secure within himself.

One "Twilight Zone" episode always stuck in my mind. The man in the story wanted a woman to fall in love with him...Someone handed him a magic potion and guaranteed that it would make the "woman of his dreams" fall madly in love with him. And the potion worked!...But after awhile the man grew bored. The woman's "all consuming love" for him became a burden. He wanted to do something else besides just "being in love" 24/7...My husband and I had passion for each other. (Love and enjoyment etc.)...But we extended our "passions" out into the world a little more. We developed new interests on a regular basis.. Life was exciting because we were always coming-up with new ideas and new projects...And we were passionate about finding new ways to spoil and reward ourselves too. New ways to have fun!...We enjoyed having a passion and zest for life. (In general.)

I agree...Some personality traits are apparent and obvious from the beginning...I haven't dated since my husband passed away but I did go to a few local events with a longtime (male) family friend...Most of the time my friend and I did fine together. But every so often he seemed to get into an old-school "dad" type of role. And acted like a "know-it-all" with me. (Just out of the blue.)...This was obviously normal behavior to him but it wasn't normal for me at all. My husband never acted this way with me. (And we were together for 30 years!)...So I think it's important to consider "compatibility" early-on and take many factors into consideration before things go "too far."

Great post! I feel the same way!

I agree...I've been around both men and women who consider it a "sin" to apologize. (Or ever admit to being wrong etc.)...When kids grow-up with mothers or fathers who act this way they can be a little "touchy" in adult-life if they haven't worked through their "old issues.".. Or they can become self-righteous themselves. And ready to "do battle" anytime. (With anyone.)

I think it's all about establishing healthy and respectful boundaries. Don't you?...Some kids grow-up and don't know how to set boundaries for themselves (as adults) based on what they experienced (or didn't "see") when they were growing-up. Don't you think?.. Sorry for what you witnessed when you were younger...I have a friend who is a widow too. (In her 50's) Sometimes she talks about how hard it is for her to be assertive and "say no" to people...She always tried to be a "perfect daughter" to her parents and rarely complained about anything when she was growing-up...It sounds like she was passive and compliant with her husband too. (When he was alive.)...My friend is an expert when it comes to "people-pleasing" and "going along" with others. But she doesn't always know how to be "real" and honest with others or "true to herself."...She is terrified of confrontation. And scared of "upsetting" anyone...So she isolates a lot and only interacts with people in small doses...In time she says she wants to learn how to stop being a "people-pleaser."

I don't think it's a matter of "either/or" or "all or nothing" type of thinking...Honestly I don't think anyone really wants to be "bossed around." We all got enough of this from our parents and teachers when we were kids!...Why "copy" behavior that upset us?.. Or behave in a way that will upset or bother anyone?...This is where "new thinking" is needed and "new ways" of interacting with others versus just being a follower. Don't you think?

I think some people are just "doers" by nature and want to try their "hand" at a variety of different things as they move through life...People like this enjoy taking on new interests and challenges all the time...When my husband and I first met I'd been working on starting a singles' publication for quite awhile on my own...My husband was impressed with all of my plans and ideas and we "joined forces" and started and ran the publication together. (Even after we got married!)...One of us would come-up with an idea for a new project or business and we combined our skills and talents to "make things happen" all during our married life. (And ventured into a wide variety of new areas and careers etc.)..My younger son was a "doer" too and he was always "game" to try new things. (And we all worked together on new projects and "combined forces" etc.)...This definitely made life fun and exciting and full of surprises...We opened our own gift stores and sold products we made (ourselves) to stores across the country...With my son's help we created sites and started our own forums...We started a travel publication and did all kinds of things... I think it's a matter of being open and willing to try new things all the time. Don't you?.. Who knows what hidden skills and talents we might have inside of ourselves? We won't "know' unless we keep "handing" ourselves new challenges as we move through life! Right?!!

I think a lot of issues men and women face in their adult relationships stem from "unfinished business" with our parents. (Problems that can date "way back" or be current and ongoing etc.)...If a boy grows-up with a passive dad and strong-willed mom he can blame his mom or his dad for the obvious inequities...Women may have problems later in life if they grew-up with a dad who seemed "indifferent" or disinterested. (And way off in the background compared to their mother's involvement in their everyday lives.)...We can follow in our parents' footsteps or we can decide to be "different" at some point along the way and "invent" new and better ways of relating to our adult partners. Don't you think?

RainbowTrout...I agree with you about common interests...My husband and I "took interest" in each other's interests. And we developed lots of new interests during our 30 years together.

I would hope that I'd be able to spot the "con-artists." (At least at some point anyway!)...I think some people are probably addicted to the "thrill" and "high" of winning the attention (and affections) of someone "new.".. And this is basically all they are "after."..They keep moving down the line once they gain what they want from each new "victim." Or they "play" people "along" in order to maintain their "harem" etc...Have you noticed this?...Normally I'm not a good candidate when it comes to manipulation tactics. But I have been "burned" or "taken for a ride" a few times. So I don't take people at absolute "face value.".. And I take more of a "wait and see" approach just to be on the "safe-side."

I do best with men who are chalk-full of ideas and interests and plans of their very own...Self-starters and self-motivators who don't need someone to tell them what to "do" or who to "be" etc...I don't want to "play mom" to a man and I'm not looking for a "substitute dad" either!...I want a man who is already "whole and complete" within himself. But yet he is flexible and always interested in learning new things and "expanding" his horizons etc...A man who doesn't feel threatened by a strong woman. (Because he's strong and secure within himself and doesn't need to "hold" anyone "back" or "down" in order to feel "tall.")

I think it boils down to taking responsibility for everything that goes on in a household...And staying involved and staying "active" in the decision-making process...If one partner takes a "back-seat" and leaves everything up to his or her partner this isn't really fair...When we're kids we have parents to "take care" of us but when we become adults we're responsible for ourselves and everything that "goes on" in our homes. (Whether we like it or not!)...Some men and women fall into more of a "passive role" when they "hook-up" with a mate. (At least when it comes to certain areas.)...And they expect their mate to pick-up the "slack" and do most of the planning or problem-solving or "deciding" etc...People who have a tendency to be passive (or compliant) need a "strong-willed" and overly-responsible mate. (To "balance" things "out.") This is how it seems to me anyway...It's different when both partners "feel responsible" for everything and no one tries to "skate-by." (Or "get out" of doing certain things etc.)

I agree...I think some people construct forts (or fortresses) to keep others out...Or they want to hold on tightly to the past forever and ever...I've heard (read) that some people use excess weight as a fortress too.

msharmony...Thanks for starting this thread!...Well for whatever reason I am the last person left in my family...I have to find a way to keep on "going" even though my husband and both my sons passed-away...I'm an only child with no brothers or sisters and my parents are gone too...I figure that there must be some reason why I am still "here." So I keep on "going" even though it's rough at times.

YUK! I don't like pickup lines...Or any type of lines...I'm old so I remember what it was like back in the 70's and 80's when some men tried to act like Tom Jones. (And wore afro's and big medallions around their neck.) The first thing they said was: "Hey babe! Hey good lookin'...What's your sign?" YUKKO!

I knew I was in love with my husband because neither one of us wanted to "stay mad" for long...We always found ways to "patch things up" and work out compromises because it was more fun (and rewarding) to be "in love." (And happy with each other.)...Roses are beautiful. But rose bushes come with thorns...Love isn't always going to be a "smooth ride." No one gets to lavish in a beautiful "rose garden" without running into a few thorns. (Or problems along the way.)...But love doesn't have to die-off at the first sign of "trouble" if a couple is dedicated to working together to keep their love "alive" no matter what...(Despite all the thorns!)

I guess "entitlement" is the problem with some people. Thanks for bringing it up...And it all boils down to the "work ethic." Don't you think?...We can't expect to grow healthy flowers or veggies in our garden if we forget (or fail) to water what we "plant."...And it's the same way with our friendships or even our love relationships...Nothing is really "owed" to us and it's foolish to take anyone for granted. Don't you think?

I guess "entitlement" is the problem with some people. Thanks for bringing it up...And it all boils down to the "work ethic." Don't you think?...We can't expect to grow healthy flowers or veggies in our garden if we forget (or fail) to water what we "plant."...And it's the same way with our friendships or even our love relationships...Nothing is really "owed" to us and it's foolish to take anyone for granted. Don't you think?