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Community > Posts By > GreenEyes48
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How would you describe your views about love and relationships?...Are you cynical? Paranoid? Burnt-out? Bitter?...Or do you feel hopeful? And open to the possibility of falling in love?...Are you "half and half?" (Positive one day and negative the next day?) What are some of your fears? Well, the other day a woman that was actually within dating distance nudged me on here and after exchanging a couple of messages we had agreed to meet up at some unspecified time. I wasn't counting on it actually happening though and whenever I do this I have to explain to them that I have a disability because I don't want to waste their time or theirs. It's not just that though because if I get stood up I could have a problem getting home again, so I've got to worry about that and maybe explain that to them as well. But if I do that I'm making myself sound a bit pathetic and lacking confidence. It's a bit tricky and I've downplayed it in the past because I'm not actually completely helpless and if it came to it I could get home somehow, even if it did mean asking total strangers for help, which I don't really like doing. Even still though, I still have to explain to them that I have a disability because I'm not just going to hit them with that on the day of the date when we meet and I am obviously looking for someone that's going to accept me for who I am. I contacted another woman on here recently as well and from reading her profile and talking to her it is pretty clear that she is very picky and she almost certainly isn't looking for somebody like me. She mentioned something about how she's talked to men on here but hasn't actually dated them because they had "problems". If she replies to me again I guess I'll just treat her as somebody on the internet that I'm chatting with and I don't plan to ask her out and therefore my problems are really none of her business really. Why am I telling you lot about them then you might ask? Not really sure but I've mentioned them before here and I guess that this forum is an appropriate place for "sharing" and I sort of consider some of the other posters here to be friends. I have other concerns about the whole dating thing as well but I guess this is the main thing that makes me "cynical" about it because even when they tell me that they don't have a problem with my having a disability, when it actually comes down to it it is always going to be a problem that effects my life and my relationships. I haven't heard again from that woman that said that she wanted to meet me. I don't know why but in my last message to her I told her quite a bit about my problems and things that I have done to try to overcome them. So yeah, still searching for that "special someone" but in a rather halfhearted way and not really all that optomistic about it. Sorry to hear about your son. Yeah, it's tough when you have a disability and you feel that nobody is going to want you. It also makes it hard to actually get out and meet people, so that when friends or family tell you that you are a great person and that there's somebody out there for everybody it isn't really much comfort. I don't expect to meet anybody in the real world because of the way things are and I am not very hopeful that it's going to happen on the internet either. I'm really only on this dating site and there are hardly any local women on here. I try not to be bitter about the rejection and I just try to get on with my life. It's nice to have little fantasies and to ocasionally get messages from people on here, even though it's just virtual reality and it's unlikely that anything's going to come from it. I don't think that it's that I have a negative atitude. At the end of the day I can only be myself and if that isn't good enough for these women then good luck to them. Yeah, I registered on a dating site for disabled people but I didn't actually pay for my subscription and I can't talk to anyone on there. It didn't seem worth it because there didn't seem to be any local women and it's bad enough that I have mobility problems without trying to talk women into meeting up with me that are in the same boat. I don't really have anything to do with charities and I am not really that comfortable around other people that have sight problems. I tend to rub them up the wrong way. I know what you mean though. The women that I have dated in the past have not really been "normal" either. I've gone out with women that had minor disabilities, medical problems and mental health problems. I haven't planned it to happen that way but it has and I guess that people like that are more likely to be willing to go out with me, or they at least aren't going to be put off straight away when I say to them that I have a disability. |
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Topic:
Gender Bender
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Many relationships end because one partner is selfish and not willing to compromise. When a person compromises it maybe in a number of areas of the couples lives. When one person gives in more often than the other person, they do not have a very good partnership. Unfortunately, many couples end in divorce after a while. Many last for years in that kind of situation though. |
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Topic:
blabbering in a relationship
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nagging is a lazy word .if you being asked something or too do something then its probably a real concern for your partner to get a reply or a shelf hanged a door mended. or she may just need some extra tenderness because she has had a really stressfull day ,to ingnore her and call it nagging is just being neglectfull of your partners feelings and or needs .. Hold on there. Aren't men and women supposed to be equal? Why can't she hang her own shelf or mend her own door or spend some of HER money to hire a carpenter? If these things are important to her, she needs to take care of them herself. That's what men do. In my case; the man was living with me and he volunteered to do some things around the house. I don't mind doing things myself but if a guy offers to do something; then shouldn't he keep his promise? Why should he sit in my house and do nothing while I do all the work and then expect sex as well. I believe in equality but not in being taken advantage of. Incidentally; when I do things for myself men whine that they feel useless, not needed, and less of a man because they can't do anything for me. Seems I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. Did he have a job? Was he contributing to the household funds? If not, then you have every right to "nag" him about doing things. But, if he said he'd do something and hasn't gotten to by the time you think he should have, don't nag, just do it yourself. If men don't like your independence, it's because they want you under their thumb. They want to have something to hold over you. I don't think that's the kind of man you'd want to be involved with anyway. Actually; no he wasn't working and no he wasn't contributing to the household funds. However even if he was; he still could help with household chores as he is living there and contributes to the mess of the house. I am not his maid and cook. Are you saying that if he is contributing to half the bills that he shouldn't help with household chores as well? Also, why did he volunteer to do a job if he had no intention of doing it? I waited three weeks; asked him once after waiting for two weeks(apparently that is nagging according to him) did it myself; then he got mad; started yelling at me and said he was going to do it and I shouldn't have done it. This made him feel useless as a man. I have read pages and pages of men on this site saying they want to be needed and there way of being needed is doing things for women. When a woman does things for herself; it hurts his ego and he feels less like a man. Its silly to me but that seems to be the way of the world. First of all, if you were working and supporting him, he should have been doing ALL the household chores as well as taking care of a god part of your personal needs like laundry. Second, if both partners contribute equally to household funds, then both should be cleaning up after themselves. But, neither should be asking the other to do extra duty. I don't know about you, but cleaning up after myself doesn't normally include hanging selves of fixing doors. Maybe some men do feel that way. I've never heard of it, but I don't have your perspective. The only thing I ever wanted from a woman is for her to acknowledge and appreciate that I do work hard and am tired when I come home. It sounds like you've never dated a man, only boys. If the thing he did required a new shelf, there would be a new shelf. Since he doesn't need one it's easy for it to slip his mind. However, because the job isn't done when you want it done doesn't mean he never planned on doing it. So yes, you were nagging him. And no, he should not have gotten pi$$ed when you did it yourself. After 3WEEKS?? Then NG should have waited for 2months before she realised that these shelves are really needed,yet she could do it herself?? comeoooooon!! If Mr wanted to work on these shelves,the first week was the time(if not a few days after him volunteering for the job!!!) NG,am with you-you go girl! Thanks Newbie Chick. You got it that he volunteered to the job. I never asked him and was very willing to do it myself but he insisted that he do it. I had stuff sitting on the floor for two weeks waiting for that shelf. I also knew that if I went ahead to put up the shelf that there would be a fight which is what happened after week 3 as he got mad at me for doing it myself. |
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Topic:
Gender Bender
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I've found from personal experience that compromising is the same thing as giving in... what becomes the debated issue is who always has to give in/compromise first or most... if one person always has to do the compromising, this often leads to feelings of "being taken advantage of"... of course two people have their own expectations from the other they would like met... but that's what the friendship and courting phase of relationships are for.. to find out what we want and what we're willing to do, or stop doing, to keep the other person in our life, or not.. imo... Oh; I misunderstood compromise then. An example is the guy wants to eat at an Italian restaurant and I want to go to a Japanese restaurant. The compromise is we do take out orders from our favourite restaurants and that way we both get what we want and neither one of us has given in. Am I wrong in that thinking? Or we do Italian one night and Japanese another night. Isn't that too a compromise? I am the same way when it comes to something like this. The only thing I won't compromise is when a person insists I eat what they are eating. I remember guys getting mad at me because they would order a pizza and I wouldn't eat it. They said I was being difficult but junk food/fast food doesn't agree with me. I always tell up front that I eat very healthy and I don't eat these sort of foods but they get upset never the less. 
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Topic:
blabbering in a relationship
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When partners are mature and caring and considerate of each other no one has to resort to nagging....All of this "nagging stuff" reminds me of the old "Dagwood/Blondie" cartoon strip...It all seems so "old-school" to me...Hard to believe that couples still play this kind of "stuff" out today...It's the old "battle of the sexes" played out in modern relationships. And it never leads to happiness or closeness or anything "good.".. It's an ongoing war and battle that leads to divorce court or eventual "break-ups" or years and years of misery...Everything doesn't have to be a "contest of wills" or a "do or die competition."...In mature and healthy relationships couples work together to make decisions and get work done as "team-players.".. Their relationship doesn't involve silly (kid-like) "power-struggles" or games etc. I agree with you 100%. This is why I never ask anything of my partner other than we enjoy the time we spend together. But, I've yet to meet a woman that didn't insist I do things beyond that. She wants not only a lover, but also a general handyman. If she demands extra duties of me I should get something in return from her. Something I want. So, we have to negotiate and compromise. Each of us agree to do things we don't want to do to please the other. I think this is a poor substitute for happiness. Why not just take care of the things she finds important and let me do the same? Then there's no nagging or drama and everything gets done in a timely manner. |
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Topic:
Gender Bender
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I've found from personal experience that compromising is the same thing as giving in... what becomes the debated issue is who always has to give in/compromise first or most... if one person always has to do the compromising, this often leads to feelings of "being taken advantage of"... of course two people have their own expectations from the other they would like met... but that's what the friendship and courting phase of relationships are for.. to find out what we want and what we're willing to do, or stop doing, to keep the other person in our life, or not.. imo... Oh; I misunderstood compromise then. An example is the guy wants to eat at an Italian restaurant and I want to go to a Japanese restaurant. The compromise is we do take out orders from our favourite restaurants and that way we both get what we want and neither one of us has given in. Am I wrong in that thinking? Or we do Italian one night and Japanese another night. Isn't that too a compromise? Personally, I love the take out orders idea... if dinner is what you're compromising about... that way we could go to the house and park in front of the TV while we enjoy our favorite foods... but either idea is a good one... and yes, this kind of issue decided equally gives you both what you want, when you want it... |
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Topic:
Gender Bender
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I've found from personal experience that compromising is the same thing as giving in... what becomes the debated issue is who always has to give in/compromise first or most... if one person always has to do the compromising, this often leads to feelings of "being taken advantage of"... of course two people have their own expectations from the other they would like met... but that's what the friendship and courting phase of relationships are for.. to find out what we want and what we're willing to do, or stop doing, to keep the other person in our life, or not.. imo... Oh; I misunderstood compromise then. An example is the guy wants to eat at an Italian restaurant and I want to go to a Japanese restaurant. The compromise is we do take out orders from our favourite restaurants and that way we both get what we want and neither one of us has given in. Am I wrong in that thinking? Or we do Italian one night and Japanese another night. Isn't that too a compromise? |
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How would you describe your views about love and relationships?...Are you cynical? Paranoid? Burnt-out? Bitter?...Or do you feel hopeful? And open to the possibility of falling in love?...Are you "half and half?" (Positive one day and negative the next day?) What are some of your fears? I believe our journey through this life is meant to be shared with love. Even if we don't get it right the first time, or the second, third, or maybe even a fourth time... However many times it takes to find that one heart connect that we know is meant for us... is how many times it takes... and when we have that one connection... we hold on for as long as we can... so.. as a romantic dreamer... I always remain positive that love will be mine again, and my love will be his... and whoever that will be, only time and circumstance will tell... 
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How would you describe your views about love and relationships?...Are you cynical? Paranoid? Burnt-out? Bitter?...Or do you feel hopeful? And open to the possibility of falling in love?...Are you "half and half?" (Positive one day and negative the next day?) What are some of your fears? Well, the other day a woman that was actually within dating distance nudged me on here and after exchanging a couple of messages we had agreed to meet up at some unspecified time. I wasn't counting on it actually happening though and whenever I do this I have to explain to them that I have a disability because I don't want to waste their time or theirs. It's not just that though because if I get stood up I could have a problem getting home again, so I've got to worry about that and maybe explain that to them as well. But if I do that I'm making myself sound a bit pathetic and lacking confidence. It's a bit tricky and I've downplayed it in the past because I'm not actually completely helpless and if it came to it I could get home somehow, even if it did mean asking total strangers for help, which I don't really like doing. Even still though, I still have to explain to them that I have a disability because I'm not just going to hit them with that on the day of the date when we meet and I am obviously looking for someone that's going to accept me for who I am. I contacted another woman on here recently as well and from reading her profile and talking to her it is pretty clear that she is very picky and she almost certainly isn't looking for somebody like me. She mentioned something about how she's talked to men on here but hasn't actually dated them because they had "problems". If she replies to me again I guess I'll just treat her as somebody on the internet that I'm chatting with and I don't plan to ask her out and therefore my problems are really none of her business really. Why am I telling you lot about them then you might ask? Not really sure but I've mentioned them before here and I guess that this forum is an appropriate place for "sharing" and I sort of consider some of the other posters here to be friends. I have other concerns about the whole dating thing as well but I guess this is the main thing that makes me "cynical" about it because even when they tell me that they don't have a problem with my having a disability, when it actually comes down to it it is always going to be a problem that effects my life and my relationships. I haven't heard again from that woman that said that she wanted to meet me. I don't know why but in my last message to her I told her quite a bit about my problems and things that I have done to try to overcome them. So yeah, still searching for that "special someone" but in a rather halfhearted way and not really all that optomistic about it. Sorry to hear about your son. Yeah, it's tough when you have a disability and you feel that nobody is going to want you. It also makes it hard to actually get out and meet people, so that when friends or family tell you that you are a great person and that there's somebody out there for everybody it isn't really much comfort. I don't expect to meet anybody in the real world because of the way things are and I am not very hopeful that it's going to happen on the internet either. I'm really only on this dating site and there are hardly any local women on here. I try not to be bitter about the rejection and I just try to get on with my life. It's nice to have little fantasies and to ocasionally get messages from people on here, even though it's just virtual reality and it's unlikely that anything's going to come from it. I don't think that it's that I have a negative atitude. At the end of the day I can only be myself and if that isn't good enough for these women then good luck to them. |
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I make a point of not letting it become too important to me actually. I do realize this attitude is counterproductive, and it’s not entirely lost on me that the very fact that I make a point of minimizing the importance means that it’s more important than I want to admit. The fact that I acknowledge it probably means that I am more hopeful than I'd admit. 
No, it’s not lost on me that I just did admitted it. 
No, I’m not superstitious GreenEyes. A bit complex? Maybe. A tad twisted? Probably. A little cheeky? Definately! 
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Topic:
blabbering in a relationship
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When partners are mature and caring and considerate of each other no one has to resort to nagging....All of this "nagging stuff" reminds me of the old "Dagwood/Blondie" cartoon strip...It all seems so "old-school" to me...Hard to believe that couples still play this kind of "stuff" out today...It's the old "battle of the sexes" played out in modern relationships. And it never leads to happiness or closeness or anything "good.".. It's an ongoing war and battle that leads to divorce court or eventual "break-ups" or years and years of misery...Everything doesn't have to be a "contest of wills" or a "do or die competition."...In mature and healthy relationships couples work together to make decisions and get work done as "team-players.".. Their relationship doesn't involve silly (kid-like) "power-struggles" or games etc.
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I make a point of not letting it become too important to me actually. I do realize this attitude is counterproductive, and it’s not entirely lost on me that the very fact that I make a point of minimizing the importance means that it’s more important than I want to admit. The fact that I acknowledge it probably means that I am more hopeful than I'd admit.
No, it’s not lost on me that I just did admitted it.
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How would you describe your views about love and relationships?...Are you cynical? Paranoid? Burnt-out? Bitter?...Or do you feel hopeful? And open to the possibility of falling in love?...Are you "half and half?" (Positive one day and negative the next day?) What are some of your fears? Well, the other day a woman that was actually within dating distance nudged me on here and after exchanging a couple of messages we had agreed to meet up at some unspecified time. I wasn't counting on it actually happening though and whenever I do this I have to explain to them that I have a disability because I don't want to waste their time or theirs. It's not just that though because if I get stood up I could have a problem getting home again, so I've got to worry about that and maybe explain that to them as well. But if I do that I'm making myself sound a bit pathetic and lacking confidence. It's a bit tricky and I've downplayed it in the past because I'm not actually completely helpless and if it came to it I could get home somehow, even if it did mean asking total strangers for help, which I don't really like doing. Even still though, I still have to explain to them that I have a disability because I'm not just going to hit them with that on the day of the date when we meet and I am obviously looking for someone that's going to accept me for who I am. I contacted another woman on here recently as well and from reading her profile and talking to her it is pretty clear that she is very picky and she almost certainly isn't looking for somebody like me. She mentioned something about how she's talked to men on here but hasn't actually dated them because they had "problems". If she replies to me again I guess I'll just treat her as somebody on the internet that I'm chatting with and I don't plan to ask her out and therefore my problems are really none of her business really. Why am I telling you lot about them then you might ask? Not really sure but I've mentioned them before here and I guess that this forum is an appropriate place for "sharing" and I sort of consider some of the other posters here to be friends. I have other concerns about the whole dating thing as well but I guess this is the main thing that makes me "cynical" about it because even when they tell me that they don't have a problem with my having a disability, when it actually comes down to it it is always going to be a problem that effects my life and my relationships. I haven't heard again from that woman that said that she wanted to meet me. I don't know why but in my last message to her I told her quite a bit about my problems and things that I have done to try to overcome them. So yeah, still searching for that "special someone" but in a rather halfhearted way and not really all that optomistic about it. |
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Topic:
blabbering in a relationship
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nagging is a lazy word .if you being asked something or too do something then its probably a real concern for your partner to get a reply or a shelf hanged a door mended. or she may just need some extra tenderness because she has had a really stressfull day ,to ingnore her and call it nagging is just being neglectfull of your partners feelings and or needs .. Hold on there. Aren't men and women supposed to be equal? Why can't she hang her own shelf or mend her own door or spend some of HER money to hire a carpenter? If these things are important to her, she needs to take care of them herself. That's what men do. I agree with you. However, that doesn't mean I should have to fix all the things she thinks needs fixing. Especially if I never use them. If she wants a shelf, she can hang it herself. If her car needs an oil change she can do it herself or pay someone to do the job. I ask NOTHING from a woman in a relationship except sex a couple of times a week and she takes at least as much pleasure from that as I do. So, I don't see any reason I should be asked to do anything more. She's a grown up and can take care of herself. We're EQUAL, right? |
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Topic:
blabbering in a relationship
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nagging is a lazy word .if you being asked something or too do something then its probably a real concern for your partner to get a reply or a shelf hanged a door mended. or she may just need some extra tenderness because she has had a really stressfull day ,to ingnore her and call it nagging is just being neglectfull of your partners feelings and or needs .. Hold on there. Aren't men and women supposed to be equal? Why can't she hang her own shelf or mend her own door or spend some of HER money to hire a carpenter? If these things are important to her, she needs to take care of them herself. That's what men do. |
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I've always had fears about being controlled. (Or suffocated.)...And fears about being asked to play a role in someone else's "movie."...I'm a rebel and non-conformist. And I want to continue to "be me" and true to myself. (Versus trying to fit someone else's image and expectations of "who" I should supposedly "be.")...Thank goodness I met and married another rebel and non-comformist the last time "around" and we let each other "be." (And did great together!)...But I am "gun-shy" when it comes to getting involved with most men because I'm afraid they will expect to play an "assigned role." And this just isn't "me!"
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How would you describe your views about love and relationships?...Are you cynical? Paranoid? Burnt-out? Bitter?...Or do you feel hopeful? And open to the possibility of falling in love?...Are you "half and half?" (Positive one day and negative the next day?) What are some of your fears?
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Topic:
blabbering in a relationship
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Men talk to share information. Women talk as a form of social interaction. Sure about that? Yes. May be from your side of the world. On my side, most women(remember not women) talk as a form of nagging and to 'share information' Aha,OK! But,i never understood what ''nagging''is..... Somebody educatively enlighten me please?! No,not because am a village belle,but...... But what, neighbour? May be u females are synonymous with nagging. That's why u never understood it nagging is a lazy word .if you being asked something or too do something then its probably a real concern for your partner to get a reply or a shelf hanged a door mended. or she may just need some extra tenderness because she has had a really stressfull day ,to ingnore her and call it nagging is just being neglectfull of your partners feelings and or needs .. This is so true. An ex of mine volunteered to hang a shelf for me; after two weeks passed; I asked him when he would do it. He accused me of nagging because I asked once. Needless to say; I went and did it myself as I didn't appreciated being called a nag.
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It's all about "acting-out" to me...Feeling entitled to take one's anger and frustrations "out" on other people...Relying on scapegoats...Getting a "high" or "thrill" from "dumping" on someone when they least expect it and feeling no shame or remorse about any hurt inflicted on others...Secretly "whittling away" at someone's self-esteem and confidence to hold them "hostage." And denying all of it...I ran into some "weird stuff" in my earlier relationships based on my "unfinished business" with my Dad earlier in life...I "chose" men who seemed "okay" at first. But they had a lot of hidden insecurities and "old baggage" from their past too...It took me quite awhile to "heal" from my childhood and make better selections when it came to men.
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Topic:
blabbering in a relationship
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It seems like the basis of this thread was to put women down and label them "blabbermouths." And "nags" too I guess..It's more of a place to "vent" versus trying to problem-solve and gain some depth and understanding. (Even though some posters have tried to offer insights.)...And so be it! Everyone is entitled to his or her views. But I don't like to get into "gender-bashing" myself so I'll just move along! I do agree, with you, greeneyes, it makes me wonder about SOME people when compassion cannot be seen in how they approach things. If I met someone, went on a date with them, listened to their story or whatever "blabber" they may be saying, even if I don't feel a connection. I may try to to listen anyway and give my two cents and try to gain some perspective on their problem and then advise them. Not that I know everything. Others come into our lives for a reason, what if something you say is food for thought to them and maybe, just maybe you help them figure it out a bit. Maybe you'll never want to see them again, but being cold and selfish seems to be so prevalent in MANY that i choose not to go that route. Come on people now, smile on your brother, everybody get together try and love one another right NOW. When did anyone become so freekin perfect, that they have no time to help another, if that's what it comes to. I know, everyone's busy and doesn't want to waste there time or add drama in their life. How cliche'. You just may get, what you give! |
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