PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP...... Ahhhhhhhhh, now I feel a lot better.

I've had penpals disappear on me, but then again I'm not responsible for anyone who goes fishing without a license.

I hear you loud and clear. I auditioned for the Army Band and was accepted right out of college but changed my mind when they told me I'd have to go through basic training, (being physically disabled, I don't think I'd have made it).

I love music, all kinds, but I never wanted to teach, I just wanted to be a performer, but I couldn't get anyone to pay me for my polkas, so I went back to school and became a nurse and then a librarian and a medical researcher and an IT geek somewhere along the way.

And that's what comes of being born in a tin and popped out before your brombleburdles are fully toasted.

I'm not looking for anything but friends and laughs and the occasional PB and banana sandwich with grongle jelly. It's hard enough to date when you're hale and hearty, but when you're physically disabled it's a major challenge.

Therefore, no dating for me, just lots of good times and belly poking. Let the swonnicles sway and the drongleblongers roll...

I play all the woodwinds, the guitar and the piano (I have a music performance degree, among other useless pieces of paper cluttering up my walls).

But I really want to learn the accordion, so I can accompany myself when I'm out polka dancing. Unfortunately, the spoons just don't cut it.

We only have grape, is that all right?

Not to worry, I'll bring my spatula to discipline the offenders...

Oh goody, a trip outside my head. I'll bring the diapers and swonnicle jelly...

I agree with Sage, when it comes to religion, the best policy is live and let live.

The alternative is to join my church. Kool Aid anyone???

I may not be the hottest but I'm definitely the cutest and the roly poly-iest.

Not a bad idea. He's a sucker for a fat guy in a jumpsuit.

What can I say? We're the weirdest and the doughiest! Strudel anyone???

Where's Hitler when you need him? Probably busy trying on dresses and pumps at Bloomies...

I sometimes tip my loaders and sometimes I load my tippers, but only when I can tell them apart.

No, but you can tell them to take a number, like 2,000,573,888...

I thought that was Uncle Jessie's job.

I need at least a half a day to properly bake my grongles...

Don't worry, it was mostly unidentified crunchy stuff...

Yes. What do the Dukes of Hazzard do when thy're not busy racing cars and chasing after sheriffs???

Only a half hour? I won't have time to brown...