Exclusivity. Is this something you would automatically expect when you start dating someone today in the real world, wherever you first met each other? If not. Should the the question "are we being exclusive?", be asked before the date, after the first date, after 3 dates, after 10 dates, ever?

I think it should be expected from the beginning but times change, what are your thoughts?

I believe exclusivity is must if I'm going to date someone, if it's just casual then that's different, but it should be agreed between both parties from the outset..

Exclusivity should not be expected until a couple is ready to have sex. Then the subject should be carefully discussed and limits established!

I think most people still want and expect exclusivity particularly in a sexual relationship. One of the things that will need to be discussed.

Sorry, but if they do not appreciate me from the
moment it starts (such that no other will ever do)
then I would have no interest.

I expect what I give, ya know?

Humm I have never dated more then one person at a time, and at my age that is still the same way I feel..

I do not share well with others when it comes to dating and refuse to start..

If they want to date around then they might as well by pass me and move on~~

I only date one person and expect the same from whomever I'm dating and if they want to date more than one person than goodbye to you.

I would automatically expect them to be exclusive to me when I start dating them.
"Expect" as actually defined by the dictionary as opposed to how the word is used online when discussing relationships with connotations of moral judgment and ultimatums or controlling the other persons behavior.

I assume I/we/they are exclusive until I learn differently.


IMO it never really needs to be asked.
I mean if you are going on dates and there are big gaping holes in their life that they aren't talking about and/or actively avoiding talking about, where they're dating other people, that's going to come up.

If they're being "honest" and actually discussing their life, they're going to talk about the other people they're meeting.

No matter what, in some fashion it's going to come up (assuming you know how to listen and pay attention and have a conversation about meaningful things in your lives).

Direct questioning of this nature, much like when people have "the talk" (about whatever), IMO simply means there is an inherent incompatibility in effective communication between you and the person you're dating, otherwise a lot of insecurity in the person that needs a direct answer.

Sounds like most of the respondents are serial daters. I date you until I'm no longer interested in you and then I dump you. Sounds like a great plan if you have a lifetime left to try out new people!

Thanks everyone for your comments. It does seem that most of us would see exclusivity as a given when dating someone for the first time in today's world, so maybe some things don't change, and in my opinion, it is a good start to a possible long term relationship if all goes well.

I think the word 'expected' is a bit harsh
I dont expect anything from anyone. When you start dating and get in a relationship, exclusivity is a must and must be an unspoken agreement. Otherwise you are.....

I find that this is something that is on the list of "commonly and almost eagerly misunderstood" aspects of human romantic life.

There's some basic things that are true that most people don't even realize are influencing everything. One, is that most people want to be ABLE to assume all sorts of things are true. Because that's comfortable and easy. That's what we end up calling "cultural norms."

That desire to be able to assume stuff, causes secondary problems, because of another common human trait: the desire to be, and to be seen as, a valuable individual. That means that even as most people want everyone to follow the same norms, they also want to be able to do as they please themselves, to a large extent.

Finally, in the area of when to assume a dating pair is exclusive, it gets REALLY complicated.

The crucial point, is that while people want to be able to find the person they really want to be with, and rely on them, that desire means that unless they want to dedicate themselves to what gets called "sequential dating," where they choose exactly ONE person to do things with at a time, and only move on when they've given up on that first person, they will likely end up "dating" more than one person at a time.

And the key word there, is "dating."

If you meet someone for coffee and a chat, is that a "date?" I'd say not, but I've known people who do. That's why we can already see some people mentioning that the critical point to switch to being exclusive, is when sex begins to happen.

Something else that hasn't been mentioned yet, is the problem of fanatics. There are unfortunately in our world, people who are so intense and sensitive and demanding, that as soon as you speak to them in any way that isn't perfunctory, they will insist that you have crossed the line into their being able to control who you see and what you do, in order to even talk to them further.

With all that, my personal answer is that I do NOT agree that exclusivity must start before even the first "date." Real life, and real human interactions don't work that way, ever. I don't KNOW that I am, or could, "fall in love" with you, even before we meet face to face for a social interaction of some kind. That's fanatic thinking, there. Real life works, where I see you, and you see me, and both of us find each other's initial general impressions to be favorable. Maybe we could be friends. Maybe just business acquaintances.

Neither of us will know more, until we conduct some "social experiments." Those "social experiments" is what most people refer to as "dates." Am I going to commit to something approaching the level of a marriage, before even a SINGLE social experiment? Heck no.

I suggest that a different thinking about this is more logical. Forget "exclusivity" as the concept to focus on, and switch to
honorable and honest behavior." And really, we can't even begin to find out what each others' sense of honesty and honor is about, until we've met up and experienced each other in various social interactions.
So basically, I suggest we slow down on the "hard and fast rules" a bit with this.

Thanks for your comments. I was using the term 'dating' in the real world and in the generally accepted sense, where two people meet with good intentions towards each other in seeking to establish a long term romantic relationship, which may include marriage, if all goes well. I am of the opinion most people see exclusivity in dating as a requirement and the best way forward, in amongst other requirements such as you mention, honesty, and integrity.

Exclusive! I don't share well and wouldn't be okay with him not seeing me as "the one and only".

If we are just dating I don't care.
As a matter of fact, if she doesn't want to be with me, she shouldn't be.
I'm past all that jealousy and expectation.
I do what I want and she should be allowed to do as she wants.

If I were MARRIED, that's another thing altogether.
We are not married so we are together by mutual agreement.
Frankly, I can't juggle more than one woman at a time.
I know if there comes a time when I feel I need to look for someone new, I will tell her and end our relationship and I hope she will do the same.

I do know, when she is not here, I have no trepidation. If she comes back, great, if not, well, that's her decision and I respect that.
I won't try to force her to be with only me.
We are both adults and expected to act like adults.
Part of being an adult is realizing things change.

I live in the moment. I'm too sick and tired to worry about things that happen elsewhere.
Its all a matter of living by expectation and its been my experience in life that expectations rarely align with reality.
I live in the moment and accept the reality before me.

I gat ya back pretty

Woooow you deserve every good thing on earth ok

Woooow you deserve every good thing on earth ok