Would that apply online? I mean you can’t fully know the total person , so you converse and get to know the person more. Will you allow yourself to take things further and feel more for the person even if you haven’t met physically?

Hhhmm so you’re saying in your opinion that’s just crap ? Men don’t fall in love with someone they haven’t physically been with? It’s all in the movies huh

Yes I would, after chatting for some time you both get an idea of each other, the actual meeting then determines how much further the relationship might go ?

Ok so not until you actually meet, can you really say then that it’s love ?

I believe one would have an affection for the person and by the communication it would be reciprocated ?

It's not real until you meet. It's not meaningful until you meet and your interaction is based mostly offline than on.

Until then it's little different than you reading a book by your favorite author, or having a celebrity crush after you've watched their movies.

You ever see the t.v. show Friends? You know how many people fell in love with Monica and approach Courtney Cox believing Monica is her "real" personality?

Very little of meaningful communication in any relationship is "direct," that which comes out of the mouth. The vast majority is communication based on behavior and body language, interactions within environments that aren't under the control of the participants.
"Direct" communication can be meaningful if it's used to shortcut representations of the more complex indirect.

All you get online, on the phone, even on "videochat" is mostly out of context direct communication which you have to fill in the "indirect" communication through your own bias, interpretations, desires, hopes, fears, insecurities...iow you fill in the missing communication from your own brain.

If you "fall in love" online you are mostly falling in love with yourself.

If you spend too much time online and build up that fantasy of love, then meet, and it works/lasts for a while?
99.9 out of 100 times it's going to be because you are using each other as a representation of your own ego, they become just an extension of you, willing to behave in ways that stroke your ego, the false concept of them you built, for the sake of the relationship, and vice versa.

This brings up a transaction type relationship based on social reciprocity.
"I will conform to your false impressions of me because they are idealized as long as you reciprocate. I like who you think I am better, and I will act like that as long as you keep acting like who I think you are which is better, and the rewards for doing so are greater than the costs (effort and risks) for upkeep."
Most of this is not done on a conscious level, but driven by feelings and emotions.

The relationship then lasts only as long as that transaction keeps being beneficial, and the dissonance between who each has to be to perpetuate the relationship and who they really are doesn't become to unmanageable.

Over time each others "real" personality starts to come out as facades have a tendency to require "downtime," as they require energy and focus to maintain.


Not specifically, at least not a universal timeframe that can be applied to everyone.


Pretty quickly when in person.
Online is escapism.


Yes and no and generally not consciously.
All interaction is "sort of...a test..."
Interacting begets feedback which influences further interaction.


No. That's a decision not based solely on a "level of love" or how I feel at any particular moment.

Affection will develop from all the meaningful and interesting conversations. I guess if one or both cannot sustain the rapport then it’s just wasn’t real right I wonder if saying I love you on line just means attachment and nothing more

Those 3 little words mean so much and so little ?

I m a woman! But I want to say my imput!

Online women fall much more for men than men fall for women.

Men are visual and want a woman nearby .

Women are emotional and can love from a distance! Like online.

That's not a commitment and usually don't work!

You have to date one on one or move where the man is.

Ciretom I love the Friends show all the characters are I think overly exaggerated that’s why it’s so funny your approach in answering my complicated questions are always like a knock in the head. Thanks for always putting in reason and an analytical realistic opinion. Your particular comments here are very helpful not only for me but I think for every body else too

It means a lot to me that’s why I don’t say it when I’m not sure . With men who can easily say it all the time I have no clue .

I appreciate your comment here toddy so is it safe to say that women feel the real thing on line and we are sure of it because of how deeply we feel whereas men feel the attraction visually therefore pursue and do and say anything to conquer? I am not going back to my gender topic of course lol. Just after the possibilities of falling in love without really meeting face to face

When do you say you’re feeling the real thing for a person when you’re just still on line?

I don't know that you really can Sis. I believe that you can believe in your heart that it's real, but until you actually meet you won't know for sure if it's real.

I can't speak for other women, just for myself. I know that I have felt that strong connection to someone online. It felt like love and my heart raced every time I saw his username, interacted with him in the forums, and every time we spoke privately.

But how much of that is a creation in my mind? I won't know until I actually meet him.

I do believe it's possible to feel a connection to someone even if we're not together or face to face. There was another that I felt a strong friendship towards before meeting him, and after meeting him it was exactly as before I met him. He was exactly as I felt he was before our face to face interaction. So that strong bond in friendship seemed real online before actually meeting.

Perhaps what seals it or bonds it together even more is when you meet face to face. It wasn't until we actually met that I knew without a doubt that my thoughts and feelings about this friend were real and not just imagined.

I'm guessing it's the same with love.

Thanks Sis I have always admired how you deal with situations and have it end in the most ideal ways I can see that it is because of you’re sweet and kind soul. With this topic, the men who are drawn to our nature and vice versa, us feeling that connection with them on line is quite something right. Our senses are more heightened, our imagination goes limitless. We feel what we want to feel even when it’s not real. We just hope it could be till we meet them finally. I have never given in to love just on line , I have to meet the person. Here’s to meeting more possible long lasting good connections sis blessings to you

Yes, I agree. I wouldn't give in totally to love either unless we met face to face. At least not now, lol.

Here's to finding that connection that turns out to be real

Blessings to you too Sis

I feel that until you spend a good deal of quality time with a person face to face in real life situations, you are only in love with an idea. If it goes on too long, this idea can cloud your judgement. I believe genuine friendships can cultivate, but romance requires a good deal of personal instinct that cannot be clearly felt online, or over the phone. That’s been my experience anyway.

Don't kid yourself with chats and video, go meet up in person and see how you two connect.

Some of us are at an age where we are not willing to spend several months or more communicating with someone before meeting. It doesn't matter if I think you might be a good partner; that you can't figure out in cyber land. If you aren't interested in meeting IRL, then why are you on a dating site???

Ummm because this isn't just a dating site. It is a social site too