GOOD STUFF DARLIN'......

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language.
After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time."

The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my pen!s one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my pen!s......fifty times"

GENERIC APPLICATION FOR TV TALK SHOWS



Personal Information:
Name__________ Nickname__________ CB Handle_________
Yore Mama______________ Yore Daddy (if known)__________
Spouse's Name_________________ Relationship to spouse:
___Sister ____Brother ____Mother ____Father___Pet ___Aunt = ___Uncle

Occupation: ___Unemployed Mechanic ___Gun Show Dealer___Skinhead

Number of Children in Household___ Number that are yours___

Circle Highest Level of Education: 1 2 3 4

How Far is Your Mobile Home From a Paved Road: ___1mi. __5 mi. ___?

Number of Times You Have Survived a Tornado: ___

Number of Vehicles Owned___

Number on Cement Blocks___

Truck Equipment: ___Gun Rack ___Pit Bull___Spit Cup ___Fuzzy Dice ___Rebel Flag ___Naked Woman Mudflaps___NWO and/or NRA sticker

Weapons Owned:
___Tire Iron ___Pick Handle___Beer Bottle___Shotgun

Number of Dogs Owned: ___

Number of Homemade Tattoos: ___

Which of the Following Appliances are in your Front Yard:
___Friggerator ___Heatin Stove ___Warsher ___TV ___Freezer

How Many of the Above Appliances Work: ___

Fav-o-rite Recreation: ___Drinkin ___Cow Chip Throwin ___Possum Huntin___Crawdad Huntin ___Spittin ___Backy Scratchin ___ Watchin=20 Wrasslin

If You Can Read, Which Magazines Do You Prefer:
___Soap Opera Digest___Rifle and Shotgun ___NWA ___TV Guide ___National Enquirer ___True Confessions

Which Stinks Worse: ___Hogpen ___Outhouse___Spouse

Have You Ever Stayed Sober for More Than One Day: ___Yup___Nope

Do You Know Any Words with More Than 4 Letters: ___Yup ___Nope

Which is Correct?: ___"I Seed Him" or ___"I Seen Him"

How Many Cartons of Cigarettes Do You Smoke a Day? ___

Math Test: How Many Food Stamps Do the Following Cost?
___Six Pack ___Ciggies ___Shotgun Shells ___Backy___Prostitute

Number of Times You've Seen: ___a UFO ___Elvis ___Elvis in a UFO

Health Questionaire: Which of the Following Do You Have?
___Head Lice ___B.O. ___Crabs ___Runny Nose ___Boils

Can You Remember the Last Time You Bathed? ___Yup ___Nope

Color of Teeth: ___Yellow ___Brown___Black ___N/A

I hereby swear this is the trooth and sign my "X" on __________________, 2006

UHHHHHHH BE BACK IN A BIT

HEY kas, good 2 see ya , doin; good

DONT DO WHAT I THINK

NAW , HAD TO LET MY DOGS IN........ I KNOW WHAT U WERE THINKIN' ........FOOLED YA HUG

WHAT KIND OF DOGS?

I HAVE REDNOSE PIT
3 RODS BELONG TO NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR PUPPY SIT ALL THE TIME FOR THEM

I know ya'll realy laugh now;;;;;; they're DOODLES.. . MY own breed.......

whats a doodle????

I HAVE NO CLUE WAS WONDERING THE SAME THING

A man walked into a bar, sat down, ordered 3 shots of whiskey, drank them, then left. This continued daily for several weeks.

Curious, the bartender asked him one day, "Why do you always order three shots of whiskey?"

The man answered, "Because my two brothers and I always used to have one shot each, and since they've both passed on, I've continued to order the three shots in their honor."

The bartender thought that this was a very noble thing to do, and welcomed the man every time he visited the bar.

Two weeks later, the man walked into the bar for his daily visit and ordered two shots of whiskey. Surprised, the bartender asked him why he only ordered two when had had always been ordering three.

The man answered, "Oh, I've decided to stop drinking."

thats cute!!

laura......



Now if I told ya'll what Doodles are , everybody would want my Doodle......

A guy goes into a a redneck bar & ask who owed the Pit Bull chained out side.

This big burly guy stood up & said he's mine. Why?

The man replies I think my Poodle just killed it.

The burly guy a pissedoff & ask HOW DA HEEL THAT HAPPEN??!!

In which the man replies DAMNED if'n I know , I think he got hung in his throat....

POOR POODLE

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn.

The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Billy Bob, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."

"That's mighty nice of you," Billy Bob answered, "but I don't think my Pa would like me to."

"Aw, come on boy," the farmer insisted.

"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but my Pa won't like it."

After a hearty dinner, Billy Bob thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know my Pa is going to be real mad."

"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is your Pa?"

"Under the wagon."

A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune.
"Well,"
said the clerk,
"I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give blow jobs!"
"Blow jobs!"
the woman replied.
"It hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month," he said.
The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true...no more blow jobs for her! She bought the frog.
When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off. The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again.
In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds. She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks.
"What are you two doing at this hour?"
she asked.
he husband replied,
"If I can teach this frog to cook, your @ss is gone."

WHERE did you say she got that frog???

PET QUARTERS I GUESS THEY SELL EVERYTHING