100% FREE ONLINE DATING
sponsored links
Previous
| Topic: Do You Set off Red Flags when it comes to Dating? | |
|---|---|
|
|
|
navygirl doesn't use red flags. She uses semaphore.  I still have all the semaphore cards but lost the flags over the years. 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Absolutely. I've been married but it was an abominable experience, I would never do that again. I never had kids, I don't drink, I'm not really a "people person," I have Asperger's, I'm a reclusive hermit who does little other than write books and dwiddle around on the computer, and I have the attention span of a chili dog. Women are not looking for someone like that....! I never thought you as not being a people person Lex. You seem rather friendly here on the forums. Well, it's different on here. I don't get incessantly pummeled by people with idiotic demands here, the way I used to in real life. I've found that the best people are on line people, because they're not trying to get something from you every 15 seconds. Unless they are in Nigeria! 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I agree but I also blame this kind of thinking on society. Society has this idea that every woman wants to get married and have kids. In my experience, the biggest problem is that most of the women never question it and fall right in line. I think the same can be said with men too. They too are very influenced by society in many ways. Absolutely. The men are just as brainwashed as the women -- it's just that the women seem to be more biologically tethered to the repro-mentality. I mean, there are men like that, too, but the men I've known are less likely to consider it The End Of The World if they don't leave offspring, for whatever reason. Most of the women I've known simply aren't capable of imagining a life without reproducing. Just curious, how many women are you basing your assumption on? Just women you've dated? Women I've dated, women I've been friends with, co-workers, relatives, etc. It's pretty much a universal condition, from what I've seen. Not a large statistical sampling, admittedly, but conclusive enough for me. I just find it hard to believe that every single women you've ever known is like that. Especially when women on here are saying they aren't. So obviously, there are some out there who aren't. Well, you can't go by what they say. I personally can account for at least 90 who SAID they didn't want kids, but actually did want them. So, as far as I'm concerned, someone saying they don't want kids doesn't carry any weight whatsoever. This kind of thinking would definitely be a red flag to me. When everyone lies to you, about the exact same thing, over and over and over again, for years and years and years, I think it's only normal that this pattern would be noticed. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Are you sure everyone is lying to you, or do you just automatically assume that now?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I agree but I also blame this kind of thinking on society. Society has this idea that every woman wants to get married and have kids. In my experience, the biggest problem is that most of the women never question it and fall right in line. I think the same can be said with men too. They too are very influenced by society in many ways. Absolutely. The men are just as brainwashed as the women -- it's just that the women seem to be more biologically tethered to the repro-mentality. I mean, there are men like that, too, but the men I've known are less likely to consider it The End Of The World if they don't leave offspring, for whatever reason. Most of the women I've known simply aren't capable of imagining a life without reproducing. Just curious, how many women are you basing your assumption on? Just women you've dated? Women I've dated, women I've been friends with, co-workers, relatives, etc. It's pretty much a universal condition, from what I've seen. Not a large statistical sampling, admittedly, but conclusive enough for me. I just find it hard to believe that every single women you've ever known is like that. Especially when women on here are saying they aren't. So obviously, there are some out there who aren't. Well, you can't go by what they say. I personally can account for at least 90 who SAID they didn't want kids, but actually did want them. So, as far as I'm concerned, someone saying they don't want kids doesn't carry any weight whatsoever. This kind of thinking would definitely be a red flag to me. When everyone lies to you, about the exact same thing, over and over and over again, for years and years and years, I think it's only normal that this pattern would be noticed. well I think this is definitely how trust issues develop - being lied to or in some way deceived/mistreated over & over again, and as you said to me earlier, that is something for you to deal with personally because I am inclined to agree that not all women are lying about that subject.. Yet there is a difference between not wanting children NOW or for the next few years and NEVER wanting them and I am wondering if that nuance or discernment maybe a small factor somewhere? |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Are you sure everyone is lying to you, or do you just automatically assume that now? It's been several years since I've actually been in a position to talk to anyone about this within a relationship context, so I have no recent experience to fall back on here. I can say, with complete assurance, that just about everyone I heard that from, prior to, oh, let's say three years ago, was lying. There was one exception. But I think I'd be more likely to assume they were lying if they said they didn't want kids right up front. That's the "default setting," in my experience. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I agree but I also blame this kind of thinking on society. Society has this idea that every woman wants to get married and have kids. In my experience, the biggest problem is that most of the women never question it and fall right in line. I think the same can be said with men too. They too are very influenced by society in many ways. Absolutely. The men are just as brainwashed as the women -- it's just that the women seem to be more biologically tethered to the repro-mentality. I mean, there are men like that, too, but the men I've known are less likely to consider it The End Of The World if they don't leave offspring, for whatever reason. Most of the women I've known simply aren't capable of imagining a life without reproducing. Just curious, how many women are you basing your assumption on? Just women you've dated? Women I've dated, women I've been friends with, co-workers, relatives, etc. It's pretty much a universal condition, from what I've seen. Not a large statistical sampling, admittedly, but conclusive enough for me. I just find it hard to believe that every single women you've ever known is like that. Especially when women on here are saying they aren't. So obviously, there are some out there who aren't. Well, you can't go by what they say. I personally can account for at least 90 who SAID they didn't want kids, but actually did want them. So, as far as I'm concerned, someone saying they don't want kids doesn't carry any weight whatsoever. This kind of thinking would definitely be a red flag to me. When everyone lies to you, about the exact same thing, over and over and over again, for years and years and years, I think it's only normal that this pattern would be noticed. well I think this is definitely how trust issues develop - being lied to or in some way deceived/mistreated over & over again, and as you said to me earlier, that is something for you to deal with personally because I am inclined to agree that not all women are lying about that subject.. Yet there is a difference between not wanting children NOW or for the next few years and NEVER wanting them and I am wondering if that nuance or discernment maybe a small factor somewhere? I know a lot of women I've been with have seen it that way. They assume "He doesn't want kids NOW, but maybe down the road I can get him to change his mind...." That's why I try as best I can to make sure they understand this is a permanent thing. When I was younger, I wasn't always thinking ahead to the extent I should have been, and it's possible that some ambiguities may have developed from this. I might not have been clear about the unchanging nature of my disinclination to procreate. But there was a point when I recognized this, and took steps to address it. |
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
teadipper
on
Thu 02/23/12 07:06 AM
|
|
Oh geez, shall I just ask others to list my red flags for me?
I scare the crap out of most men. One I talk way too fast. I think way too fast. I am not the least bit PC. I am totally inconsiderate if you ask me something that relates to past relationships. I will not pretend that my ex husband and I hate each other. We are still friends just friends but friends. I am manic most of the time. I am flat out crazy and it has nothing to do with the bipolar. That is treated. I mean I am just a wild crazy azz. I mean I have PETA card next to my NRA card in my wallet. I say I need to the guns to shoot anyone who screws with my animals. I mean go for it guys, list all the things wrong with me. You could have a thread on reasons to not date Terri Lyn alone. LOL. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Are you sure everyone is lying to you, or do you just automatically assume that now? It's been several years since I've actually been in a position to talk to anyone about this within a relationship context, so I have no recent experience to fall back on here. I can say, with complete assurance, that just about everyone I heard that from, prior to, oh, let's say three years ago, was lying. There was one exception. But I think I'd be more likely to assume they were lying if they said they didn't want kids right up front. That's the "default setting," in my experience. It probably is for women in your age range. But keep in mind that women who are a few years older will start to lose this obsession. Either they'll be past childbearing age, or they will have already had their children. I know you're not interested in being a stepdad either. But just be aware that as you yourself get older, as long as you're dealing with women your own age, it's more likely that some of them really won't care about having kids any longer. Just wanted to point that out in case you haven't given up completely. Knowing how to trust them is another story, and I think a lot would depend on whether you really want that relationship at all. If you don't, then all this is moot. But if there's a possibility, then I think it's worth your while to keep a bit of an open mind, just in case. Off my soapbox now. Only saying this because I like you. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Are you sure everyone is lying to you, or do you just automatically assume that now? It's been several years since I've actually been in a position to talk to anyone about this within a relationship context, so I have no recent experience to fall back on here. I can say, with complete assurance, that just about everyone I heard that from, prior to, oh, let's say three years ago, was lying. There was one exception. But I think I'd be more likely to assume they were lying if they said they didn't want kids right up front. That's the "default setting," in my experience. Stop assuming everyone is the same. 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Yesterday, due to one of my clients behavior, I had to deal with a very attractive female police officer. During the course of her search and interview, I frequently dropped the F-bomb, hiked my pants, readjusted a wedgy, scratched my crotch, burped, farted; I finally said to her "oh sorry I thought you were a guy"/ she laughed
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Intense, fiery passion when I feel for someone. Scorpio traits I'm growing proud of.  Scorpio is my moon sign. So I definitely know what you mean. Go, Scorps! Intense is my issue too. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Are you sure everyone is lying to you, or do you just automatically assume that now? It's been several years since I've actually been in a position to talk to anyone about this within a relationship context, so I have no recent experience to fall back on here. I can say, with complete assurance, that just about everyone I heard that from, prior to, oh, let's say three years ago, was lying. There was one exception. But I think I'd be more likely to assume they were lying if they said they didn't want kids right up front. That's the "default setting," in my experience. Stop assuming everyone is the same. I will, as soon as they stop BEING the same. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
1) Biker
2) Smoker 3) Drinker 4) Brutally Honest..(to a fault) 5) Old 6) Done raising Children Just the top 6......I'm sure there are... MANY more.......... |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Absolutely. I've been married but it was an abominable experience, I would never do that again. I never had kids, I don't drink, I'm not really a "people person," I have Asperger's, I'm a reclusive hermit who does little other than write books and dwiddle around on the computer, and I have the attention span of a chili dog. Women are not looking for someone like that....! I never thought you as not being a people person Lex. You seem rather friendly here on the forums. Well, it's different on here. I don't get incessantly pummeled by people with idiotic demands here, the way I used to in real life. I've found that the best people are on line people, because they're not trying to get something from you every 15 seconds. Unless they are in Nigeria! Most of mine (now) are either from Ghana or Manhattan! 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Are you sure everyone is lying to you, or do you just automatically assume that now? It's been several years since I've actually been in a position to talk to anyone about this within a relationship context, so I have no recent experience to fall back on here. I can say, with complete assurance, that just about everyone I heard that from, prior to, oh, let's say three years ago, was lying. There was one exception. But I think I'd be more likely to assume they were lying if they said they didn't want kids right up front. That's the "default setting," in my experience. Stop assuming everyone is the same. I will, as soon as they stop BEING the same. I have to side with Lex on this one. Everybody lies to me and says they have no kids which means in their custody full time or in their state, etc. They say I am fine without wanting to have kids until they start to really like me and then it becomes a matter "with enough faith in god and I can afford the right doctors you can have a baby". It happens to me in reverse all the freaking time. And some guys are borderline brain dead. I have said, "I had a hysterectomy" and they are "Does that mean you can't have kids?" "No uterus=no babies". "Why did you have that? Why would elect to have that done? Those doctors just did that for money!!" "I was going to bleed to death if they didn't". "Oh then I guess that's a good reason". "OH REALLY THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR APPROVAL BECAUSE IT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME THAT MY LIFE SAVING SURGERY MEETS WITH YOUR SENSIBILITIES". |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
42BlackBBW
on
Thu 02/23/12 11:18 AM
|
|
Have been reading topics on seeing red flags in others but how about ourselves? I will go first. Me, never married; never been in a long term relationship, never had kids, very independent, being in the military, my age, a bit too tall for most men, and too muscular. So anyone else think they set off red flags when it comes to dating? I think my biggest red flag is that guys read "hard work" when they see me. A friend (who is also an ex) recently told me that I'm a great person who gives out good vibes but I'm carrying baggage. I'll be the first to admit to having trust issues. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
me: very reserved, not very emotional(except always smiling),
a hard 'read' for those that are used to playing the game,,,so to speak |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Are you sure everyone is lying to you, or do you just automatically assume that now? It's been several years since I've actually been in a position to talk to anyone about this within a relationship context, so I have no recent experience to fall back on here. I can say, with complete assurance, that just about everyone I heard that from, prior to, oh, let's say three years ago, was lying. There was one exception. But I think I'd be more likely to assume they were lying if they said they didn't want kids right up front. That's the "default setting," in my experience. Stop assuming everyone is the same. I will, as soon as they stop BEING the same. I have to side with Lex on this one. Everybody lies to me and says they have no kids which means in their custody full time or in their state, etc. They say I am fine without wanting to have kids until they start to really like me and then it becomes a matter "with enough faith in god and I can afford the right doctors you can have a baby". It happens to me in reverse all the freaking time. And some guys are borderline brain dead. I have said, "I had a hysterectomy" and they are "Does that mean you can't have kids?" "No uterus=no babies". "Why did you have that? Why would elect to have that done? Those doctors just did that for money!!" "I was going to bleed to death if they didn't". "Oh then I guess that's a good reason". "OH REALLY THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR APPROVAL BECAUSE IT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME THAT MY LIFE SAVING SURGERY MEETS WITH YOUR SENSIBILITIES". When I was diagnosed with Asperger's in 2007, I was told that, typically, people with Asperger's often have an extremely difficult time understanding why NeuroTypicals do a lot of the things they do. I was asked to make a list of behaviors that struck me as completely incomprehensible, things that "normal" people would do more or less routinely or automatically. I ended up with a fairly long list. "Having kids" was at the very top of that list. I was also told that it works in reverse, as well; i.e., a lot of the things that I would do would seem strange to "normal" people. And it really doesn't make much difference in the long run, but I am somewhat concerned by the fact that women, in general, seem to have an extremely difficult time understanding that there might actually be some people in the world who have no interest in, nor aptitude for, being a parent. It's as if they think they'd be doing me some tremendous favor by tricking me into it somehow. |
|
|
|
|
