100% FREE ONLINE DATING
sponsored links
Previous
| Topic: Do You Set off Red Flags when it comes to Dating? | |
|---|---|
|
|
|
Have been reading topics on seeing red flags in others but how about ourselves? I will go first. Me, never married; never been in a long term relationship, never had kids, very independent, being in the military, my age, a bit too tall for most men, and too muscular. So anyone else think they set off red flags when it comes to dating? Apparently my never being married is a red flag to some. I find that odd, but oh well. What can you do? So being divorced is more acceptable? Man some things just don't make sense, like people assumptions and judgments. |
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
MariahsFantasy
on
Wed 02/22/12 09:40 AM
|
|
I don't know if I do or don't. The truth is people are going to think whatever they want to so I really don't care anymore. If they don't want to really get to know me and ask about any "Red flags" I am putting out then they are free to assume whatever they want.No loss for me. Lot of truth in this. Funny the same guy who insulted me about being to girlie said the same thing. And you wonder why my head goes crazy when people play games. Its like enough already! Peeps going mad. This is the person I am. I don't know any other way to be. I'm done with mysterious, hiding, trying to be a certain way so I'll be accepted. That goes for friends or anyone. |
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
navygirl
on
Wed 02/22/12 09:43 AM
|
|
Have been reading topics on seeing red flags in others but how about ourselves? I will go first. Me, never married; never been in a long term relationship, never had kids, very independent, being in the military, my age, a bit too tall for most men, and too muscular. So anyone else think they set off red flags when it comes to dating? Apparently my never being married is a red flag to some. I find that odd, but oh well. What can you do? So being divorced is more acceptable? Man some things just don't make sense, like people assumptions and judgments. Of course being divorced is more acceptable. It is more the norm than someone that has never been married. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Jumps at scary movies.... How is that a red flag? Isn't that like saying laughing at comedies is a red flag?  I guess I've been labeled too prissy at times. Maybe too much of a girlie girl. One guy said that once and I wasn't aware he meant it as an insult until the conversation ended. Of course I laughed and took it with a grain of salt. But I personally haven't had problems with it. Part of my charm. I would think most guys would like watching a horror movie with a date who gets easily scared so she can grab on to him during those moments...maybe that's just me. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Have been reading topics on seeing red flags in others but how about ourselves? I will go first. Me, never married; never been in a long term relationship, never had kids, very independent, being in the military, my age, a bit too tall for most men, and too muscular. So anyone else think they set off red flags when it comes to dating? Apparently my never being married is a red flag to some. I find that odd, but oh well. What can you do? So being divorced is more acceptable? Man some things just don't make sense, like people assumptions and judgments. That's what I've been told from people who are divorced. Apparently it means they were able to commit... even though they got divorced. And that other divorced people would understand better. Or something like that. Not quite sure. Maybe one of the people who think that way will explain. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Jumps at scary movies.... How is that a red flag? Isn't that like saying laughing at comedies is a red flag? I guess I've been labeled too prissy at times. Maybe too much of a girlie girl. One guy said that once and I wasn't aware he meant it as an insult until the conversation ended. Of course I laughed and took it with a grain of salt. But I personally haven't had problems with it. Part of my charm. I would think most guys would like watching a horror movie with a date who gets easily scared so she can grab on to him during those moments...maybe that's just me. That's a thought. My boyfriend at the time of watching The Sixth Sense, got off on it. He thought it was cute. Guess the rumors are true. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I'd be cautious of a 33 yr old woman who'd never been married because in my experience, those are the two things they seem to be in the biggest hurry to do: get married and have babies.
As long as the person was clear that they weren't in a hurry to get married or have children, it would no longer matter to me. But I've had too many unfortunate experiences with women who wanted marriage and children but felt no need to make that clear; they honestly thought once we were together my views on both would change. Three miscarriages later, and I'm pretty adamant about getting fixed and never dating anyone who still wants children. You're in the "clock is ticking" range; if that is not something you care about, you could take the red flag off by letting men know that. I haven't looked at your profile, so I hope I'm not making assumptions that offend you. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
MariahsFantasy
on
Wed 02/22/12 10:02 AM
|
|
I have no desire to rush to have a family. I find it ridiculous all these little girls wanting to pack it in so early just so they could scream it on their personal parade how un-single they are. Please....
 I find it very odd anyone would give them a time a day. Tbh, anyone who really rushes to steal your sperm, head for the hills. All these overly confident teens I see getting pregnant and growing up too fast, I just can't wrap my head around it. They can't wait to be adults huh? Makes me livid. Once you're a mother, you can't go back, same for a father. You can't turn back the clock. My biological clock is ticking huh? That's nice. I'm not letting societies pressures control my every decision. I grew up sheltered enough. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
singmesweet
on
Wed 02/22/12 10:05 AM
|
|
I'd be cautious of a 33 yr old woman who'd never been married because in my experience, those are the two things they seem to be in the biggest hurry to do: get married and have babies. As long as the person was clear that they weren't in a hurry to get married or have children, it would no longer matter to me. But I've had too many unfortunate experiences with women who wanted marriage and children but felt no need to make that clear; they honestly thought once we were together my views on both would change. Three miscarriages later, and I'm pretty adamant about getting fixed and never dating anyone who still wants children. You're in the "clock is ticking" range; if that is not something you care about, you could take the red flag off by letting men know that. I haven't looked at your profile, so I hope I'm not making assumptions that offend you. So, you start out with that assumption? Yikes. And no, children and marriage discussions tend not to happen right away. I'm not going to start off meeting someone by saying "Hi! Don't worry, I'm not ready for babies and marriage yet." I do wonder a bit about those who make assumptions based on their past relationships as if all of us women are the same. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
But I've had too many unfortunate experiences with women who wanted marriage and children but felt no need to make that clear; they honestly thought once we were together my views on both would change. That's been my situation with every girlfriend I've ever had -- with one exception. I'm very clear, right up front, that I have no interest in being a parent, or in being WITH a parent -- and that this is not going to change. And they inevitably tell me "I don't want kids either, they're noisy and they're dirty and they smell bad...." but after I've been with them three months, they suddenly can't live unless they have a baby. Several of them have told me, after the fact, that they were sure they could get me to change my mind about having kids, if they had enough time to work on me. No no no no no..... This is one reason I'm so skeptical about ever finding anyone compatible -- it seems like women are hard-wired for putting reproduction over and above everything else in life. This is a mindset I simply cannot comprehend. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I didn't mean to sound like I was accusing either one of you of anything, or suggesting that your biological clock speaks louder than your words.
In my experience...and they were frightening, painful experiences...there are women who feel a certain desperation once they reach their thirties, and that desperation can have a big influence on the decisions they make. I entered the first relationship feeling that we'd both been pretty clear on our unwillingness to get married again, that we'd be monogamous and committed without a ceremony...then, a year and a half into the relationship, I got the "give me a ring or hit the road" ultimatum. If I'd known up front she had a deadline for getting married, I'd never have gone on the first date. The second relationship started off with an unexpected pregnancy right after we were married, with miscarriages to follow. It was hell. I was married to someone who felt like I had no right to deny her an opportunity to have children...something I had not know about prior to saying "I do". It was when the talk turned to adopting that I realized I had to leave the marriage. Do I think every women in her thirties that is unmarried and childless will do something similar to me? No. Am I willing to take that risk? Also, No. I'm offering personal insight as to why the red flag is there; I'm not trying to cast judgement on anyone. Mine is one singular experience, and may very well be in the minority. My hope is that having this insight, you can better diffuse the red flag, if you so choose. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Unless these unmarried gals are showing up for your date in a wedding dress, then I don't think its fair to assume marriage and babies is automatically what they want. Maybe they are actually looking for a decent man to be. One that doesn't see Red Flags in everything they do.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
navygirl
on
Wed 02/22/12 11:31 AM
|
|
I didn't mean to sound like I was accusing either one of you of anything, or suggesting that your biological clock speaks louder than your words. In my experience...and they were frightening, painful experiences...there are women who feel a certain desperation once they reach their thirties, and that desperation can have a big influence on the decisions they make. I entered the first relationship feeling that we'd both been pretty clear on our unwillingness to get married again, that we'd be monogamous and committed without a ceremony...then, a year and a half into the relationship, I got the "give me a ring or hit the road" ultimatum. If I'd known up front she had a deadline for getting married, I'd never have gone on the first date. The second relationship started off with an unexpected pregnancy right after we were married, with miscarriages to follow. It was hell. I was married to someone who felt like I had no right to deny her an opportunity to have children...something I had not know about prior to saying "I do". It was when the talk turned to adopting that I realized I had to leave the marriage. Do I think every women in her thirties that is unmarried and childless will do something similar to me? No. Am I willing to take that risk? Also, No. I'm offering personal insight as to why the red flag is there; I'm not trying to cast judgement on anyone. Mine is one singular experience, and may very well be in the minority. My hope is that having this insight, you can better diffuse the red flag, if you so choose. We all have had our different experiences and can really only relate that to others. I have to agree about the bioligical clock ticking for women as I hear it all the time from women themselves but this can come at any age from what I have been hearing. Now, I do have a question for you men about that though? Why do you suppose that men want to have kids in thier late 40s and 50s? The men I am talking about have had two or three kids already from a previous marriage or marriages. So, why would they want kids at such a late age in life. There is an extremely high rate of men that want kids at these ages and I find it quite surprising. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I honestly can't say. I have two dear friends that are looking for that special someone to settle down and have kids with that are older than I am, but neither one has any children yet, so I can understand that.
I've enjoyed my kids, but I'm enjoying seeing them become more independent and I really enjoy the conversations we have nowadays. I'd love to hold a baby again, but I can wait for grandparenthood for that, or I can live vicariously through friends with young kids. I'm looking forward to being able to travel, personally. I wonder if older men find security in having a child with a younger woman? |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Unless these unmarried gals are showing up for your date in a wedding dress, then I don't think its fair to assume marriage and babies is automatically what they want. Maybe they are actually looking for a decent man to be. One that doesn't see Red Flags in everything they do. I agree but I also blame this kind of thinking on society. Society has this idea that every woman wants to get married and have kids. I agree that it shouldn't be seen as a red flag but as myself and Sing have experienced that those of us having never been married are also labeled as not being able to commit. Again that is the way society precieves it. You would think we would have the common sense to make our own judgements but most people just go with the flow and don't try to think outside the box. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I agree but I also blame this kind of thinking on society. Society has this idea that every woman wants to get married and have kids. In my experience, the biggest problem is that most of the women never question it and fall right in line. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
singmesweet
on
Wed 02/22/12 11:42 AM
|
|
I didn't mean to sound like I was accusing either one of you of anything, or suggesting that your biological clock speaks louder than your words. In my experience...and they were frightening, painful experiences...there are women who feel a certain desperation once they reach their thirties, and that desperation can have a big influence on the decisions they make. I entered the first relationship feeling that we'd both been pretty clear on our unwillingness to get married again, that we'd be monogamous and committed without a ceremony...then, a year and a half into the relationship, I got the "give me a ring or hit the road" ultimatum. If I'd known up front she had a deadline for getting married, I'd never have gone on the first date. The second relationship started off with an unexpected pregnancy right after we were married, with miscarriages to follow. It was hell. I was married to someone who felt like I had no right to deny her an opportunity to have children...something I had not know about prior to saying "I do". It was when the talk turned to adopting that I realized I had to leave the marriage. Do I think every women in her thirties that is unmarried and childless will do something similar to me? No. Am I willing to take that risk? Also, No. I'm offering personal insight as to why the red flag is there; I'm not trying to cast judgement on anyone. Mine is one singular experience, and may very well be in the minority. My hope is that having this insight, you can better diffuse the red flag, if you so choose. Those were specific situations. Specific women. When you start making the assumption that most women are going to be like that, you're going to chase away women that may actually be good for you. Do you make it completely clear upfront what you're not looking for and what you expect them to not be looking for? |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I honestly can't say. I have two dear friends that are looking for that special someone to settle down and have kids with that are older than I am, but neither one has any children yet, so I can understand that. I've enjoyed my kids, but I'm enjoying seeing them become more independent and I really enjoy the conversations we have nowadays. I'd love to hold a baby again, but I can wait for grandparenthood for that, or I can live vicariously through friends with young kids. I'm looking forward to being able to travel, personally. I wonder if older men find security in having a child with a younger woman? I guess I just don't see why an older person wants to have kids especially when we are getting so close to retirement. I often wondered how someone one living on old age pension will pay for their kid's college or university? I would think as we get closer to retirement; we would enjoy the freedom to come and go as we please; to travel, or just go out for an evening without having to worry about getting a sitter. I also think that as we age; its harder to keep up with younger children. Me, never saw the reason for having kids myself but I guess to each their own. I don't know how having a child with a younger woman would mean security as she could easily leave you as an older woman; only difference is that as you are closer to retirement; it will be way harder to start over. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
2KidsMom
on
Wed 02/22/12 11:42 AM
|
|
I agree but I also blame this kind of thinking on society. Society has this idea that every woman wants to get married and have kids. In my experience, the biggest problem is that most of the women never question it and fall right in line. ((((((SexyLexy)))))Good Lord,when do you get to strip,how long are you being punished?...     
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Unless these unmarried gals are showing up for your date in a wedding dress, then I don't think its fair to assume marriage and babies is automatically what they want. Maybe they are actually looking for a decent man to be. One that doesn't see Red Flags in everything they do. I agree but I also blame this kind of thinking on society. Society has this idea that every woman wants to get married and have kids. I agree that it shouldn't be seen as a red flag but as myself and Sing have experienced that those of us having never been married are also labeled as not being able to commit. Again that is the way society precieves it. You would think we would have the common sense to make our own judgements but most people just go with the flow and don't try to think outside the box. Thats really sad. Stereotyping can be brutal. But At least you and Sing. seem to be women who are stong enough to handle to it. Any man would be lucky to have either one of you. 
|
|
|
|
|
