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| Topic: What's Your Take On This Situation? Is This Girl Into Me? | |
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Guys you have no idea how fukking and I mean totally fukking mad I am right now. i have never felt this disrespected in my life. So you know today I tried to call my "girlfriend" to see if I get her to tell me what is going on. No reply. So a while later I texted her just saying something like "hey you seem really distant lately. anything you want to talk abot?" she didnt reply to that either. Yet I notice on twittr shes posting things like "my life is boring, my friends are boring, I need excitment! how much is a tattoo?" so that really fukking pissed me off. She knows I texted and called her ut yet shes off ignoring me and on twitter. so then this evening Im with a friend and I was "yo I want to go see if shes at work" so I go to her store and shes there. She's a cashier. so we go to her till and she seemed kind of suprised to see us. but she's like "Hey whats up? what are you guys doing?" I was so fukking livid I didnt really say much ad I didnt know how to confront her cause all her friends that worked there were nearby. so then I asked when she was done at and she said 8:30. so then I was like ok. And after that I gave her a call at 9:20..No fukking reply so then I check her twitter and shes asking her friend how much an hour for tattoo costs. shes actually serious about getting a fukking tattoo. and then she poste pics of some fun leopard pants she has. And Im like WTF IT SAYS YOUR MY FUKKING GIRLFRIEND ON FACEBOOK. Yet you ignore my call this afternoon, ignored my fukking text, looked me in the eye at your work and didnt apologize or anything, and then ignored my call after that. What kind of person fukking actually does this to someone? let alone someone they ated for months who they seem to really like. Im in total shock. Im really really pissed off.. All I wanted was for her to have the deceny to say "we're through" but she fkking ignores me........I cannot understand how someone can be that heartless. I really thought this girl was different. But BOOM a few days later completely different person. So much for thinking she cared about me. Cant even get her to send me a brief text. but oh no she can post about her lopard pants on twitter. *** her. what do I do now...All I wated was for her to say we are done....I seriously cannot describe how mad, hurt, and disresected I feel....This is the same girl who was talking about going clothes shopping after break and holding my hand, And then ignoring everything I send to her......I just cannot rationalize this I really cant...I dont care if you break up with me. *** thats fine. But to not even reply to me at all. *** you seriously *** you 1) Break up with her. Don't be angry, don't give her a reason. Just walk up to her after she gets off work (since you can't get her any other time) and say "It's not working out" and walk away casually. It's very important that you not seem to be angry or even upset by the breakup. 2) Buy a copy of "No More Mr Nice Guy" and read it. |
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^^^^^
I agree with this, especially if she's feeling bored with her life right now. It might shake her up a bit, and she might come around again. If not, then you know you took charge and chose not to be a door mat. It sounds like the proverbial honeymoon is over, and she's looking for greener pastures. If she really does like you, then forcing her to confront the reality of losing you just might cause her to step back and re-evaluate things. In that case, make her sweat it out for a bit. Don't contact her. Don't respond to her messages. Make her come to you instead. If she wants to be rid of you, then well, nothing is going change from where things now stand. In that case, you'll be better off for ending it yourself. |
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Well last night I deleted our relationship off facebook. Cause honestly what kind of relationship was it anymore? So I did that and then I texted her
"Call me if you actually want to talk" which I wasn't sure was the right thing to do. But I did it at the time. so whatever. this morning she texted me saying "Im sorry Im just so occupied with school and life. Im thinking about moving back home. And I just dont feel like I can put in the effort you deserve, it's probably best if we just end this now before there are more feelings to hurt and Im sorry Im doing this over text but its the only way I can." she couldn't even call me. The guy she had been going out with for a while now. And her first boyfriend. She ignores me all this week and then she can't even be bothered to actually talk to me. Plus she trie to make it sound like she was breaking up with me after I had already changed my status to single.... Anyways long story short I never have replied to her. I dont know if Ill ever talk to her again. Im going to get over it but Im just really upset that after all this time an thinking she cared about me. This is how she treats me. |
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This is part of the problem with being so far removed from the events and hearing only one half of the situation. Sometimes we can't appraise the situation properly, and then what we say next may run counter to what we previously said as new information comes to light.
Funny thing is her reply is in-line with something I had been wondering about based on something else you mentioned... I wondered if she was thinking about leaving school, either because of poor grades or disciplinary action or even some kind of family situation. If what she texted is true, then she may be rather depressed right now and unsure of herself. This actually fits in with the "my life is boring" routine. Sometimes when life has you down and you feel trapped, you want to make a big change - be it in scenery, friends, or lifestyle. In other words, you want a fresh start. Problem is, if the problem is within, then it will follow no matter what changes are made. That's when one has to buckle down, and face the problem rather than running from it. It also fits that she would text you rather than call. If she's feeling lost and depressed, then she is going to take the cowardly route because she doesn't know what else to do. For what it's worth, I've been through everything I have just described, including being booted out of college. I was absolutely miserable, knowing my expulsion was inevitable (I could get textbooks for one of my classes, and I was struggling in two other classes). It took me months to prepare myself mentally for dealing with real world and facing my parents. I was very reclusive, and had one of my worst drinking binges ever (it was the only time my stomach has ever been pumped). It can be very rough because you just feel helpless, like your swimming against the tide. So, I'm not sure this is over yet. I think she has more to tell you, but doesn't know how. "Before there are more feelings hurt..." I think is in reference to her own feelings, not yours. If I am right, then she has been so absorbed with her problems that she is numb to most everything else at the moment. So to end it now allows her to burn the bridge without having to pour out all her worries and fears to you, which at this point would be much more painful than losing you. What I mean is, one she admits everything, then she also has to confront everything she's done to lead up to this....and that scares her. It scares her more than the thought of losing you. It's another way to avoid dealing with her problems....another way to move on, to make a change, to runaway and forget. Granted, I could be wrong. I've also been known to read some people like a book. That's because I been through exactly what the other person is experiencing. And if she's about to leave school for reasons she can no longer control, then I've been exactly where she's at. Just my additional 2 cents....and food for thought. |
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Edited by
MrDolla
on
Sat 12/03/11 06:02 PM
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This is part of the problem with being so far removed from the events and hearing only one half of the situation. Sometimes we can't appraise the situation properly, and then what we say next may run counter to what we previously said as new information comes to light. Funny thing is her reply is in-line with something I had been wondering about based on something else you mentioned... I wondered if she was thinking about leaving school, either because of poor grades or disciplinary action or even some kind of family situation. If what she texted is true, then she may be rather depressed right now and unsure of herself. This actually fits in with the "my life is boring" routine. Sometimes when life has you down and you feel trapped, you want to make a big change - be it in scenery, friends, or lifestyle. In other words, you want a fresh start. Problem is, if the problem is within, then it will follow no matter what changes are made. That's when one has to buckle down, and face the problem rather than running from it. It also fits that she would text you rather than call. If she's feeling lost and depressed, then she is going to take the cowardly route because she doesn't know what else to do. For what it's worth, I've been through everything I have just described, including being booted out of college. I was absolutely miserable, knowing my expulsion was inevitable (I could get textbooks for one of my classes, and I was struggling in two other classes). It took me months to prepare myself mentally for dealing with real world and facing my parents. I was very reclusive, and had one of my worst drinking binges ever (it was the only time my stomach has ever been pumped). It can be very rough because you just feel helpless, like your swimming against the tide. So, I'm not sure this is over yet. I think she has more to tell you, but doesn't know how. "Before there are more feelings hurt..." I think is in reference to her own feelings, not yours. If I am right, then she has been so absorbed with her problems that she is numb to most everything else at the moment. So to end it now allows her to burn the bridge without having to pour out all her worries and fears to you, which at this point would be much more painful than losing you. What I mean is, one she admits everything, then she also has to confront everything she's done to lead up to this....and that scares her. It scares her more than the thought of losing you. It's another way to avoid dealing with her problems....another way to move on, to make a change, to runaway and forget. Granted, I could be wrong. I've also been known to read some people like a book. That's because I been through exactly what the other person is experiencing. And if she's about to leave school for reasons she can no longer control, then I've been exactly where she's at. Just my additional 2 cents....and food for thought. Interesting you brought up her grades....she wanted to get into dentistry but her grades have not been near good enough. low 70's and 60's. So instead shes either having to look at being a dental assistant or pharmacy wor two things that were just backup ideas. I dont know though if what your saying is true about her being worried or stressed over this then how should I reply to her? Or should I even.. |
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This is part of the problem with being so far removed from the events and hearing only one half of the situation. Sometimes we can't appraise the situation properly, and then what we say next may run counter to what we previously said as new information comes to light. Funny thing is her reply is in-line with something I had been wondering about based on something else you mentioned... I wondered if she was thinking about leaving school, either because of poor grades or disciplinary action or even some kind of family situation. If what she texted is true, then she may be rather depressed right now and unsure of herself. This actually fits in with the "my life is boring" routine. Sometimes when life has you down and you feel trapped, you want to make a big change - be it in scenery, friends, or lifestyle. In other words, you want a fresh start. Problem is, if the problem is within, then it will follow no matter what changes are made. That's when one has to buckle down, and face the problem rather than running from it. It also fits that she would text you rather than call. If she's feeling lost and depressed, then she is going to take the cowardly route because she doesn't know what else to do. For what it's worth, I've been through everything I have just described, including being booted out of college. I was absolutely miserable, knowing my expulsion was inevitable (I could get textbooks for one of my classes, and I was struggling in two other classes). It took me months to prepare myself mentally for dealing with real world and facing my parents. I was very reclusive, and had one of my worst drinking binges ever (it was the only time my stomach has ever been pumped). It can be very rough because you just feel helpless, like your swimming against the tide. So, I'm not sure this is over yet. I think she has more to tell you, but doesn't know how. "Before there are more feelings hurt..." I think is in reference to her own feelings, not yours. If I am right, then she has been so absorbed with her problems that she is numb to most everything else at the moment. So to end it now allows her to burn the bridge without having to pour out all her worries and fears to you, which at this point would be much more painful than losing you. What I mean is, one she admits everything, then she also has to confront everything she's done to lead up to this....and that scares her. It scares her more than the thought of losing you. It's another way to avoid dealing with her problems....another way to move on, to make a change, to runaway and forget. Granted, I could be wrong. I've also been known to read some people like a book. That's because I been through exactly what the other person is experiencing. And if she's about to leave school for reasons she can no longer control, then I've been exactly where she's at. Just my additional 2 cents....and food for thought. Interesting you brought up her grades....she wanted t get into dentistry bust she her grades have not been near good enough. low 70's and 60's. So instead shes either having to look at dentistry or pharmacy two things that were just backup ideas. I dont know though if what your saying is true about her being worried or stressed over this then how should I reply to her? Or should I even.. no - she has made it pretty clear that she is not interested in further communication with you, and continuing to contact her could interfere with another relationship that she is prolly in. Prolly OK to acknowledge her text - test back & say OK - I was thinking the same thing....cuz you were but make that the last communique I know from your perspective right now, you feel you have been treated badly, but from a more objective POV, I'd say right from the start she really just hasn't been that into u and she does not seem ready for the type of relationship that you desire and need. It's hard to accept when you feel that everything feels so right and she does not....but it is what it is...move on |
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Sounds like the relationship has run it's course.
She was into you. Now she's not. Maybe you were looking to get something out of it that she wasn't. Maybe she was expecting something out of you that you weren't giving her. Maybe she's just an immature little girl who don't really know what she wants. Who knows? Time to move on. |
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For what it's worth, low 70s and 60s would have gotten her booted out of my school. I was kicked out for insufficient course load. My grades were fine - we had to maintain a minimum GPA of 2.0. If her grades are that low, her GPA could be 1.5 or less. So it sounds to me as if she is likely facing some kind of academic disciplinary action. Some schools will even withdraw financial aid, in addition to academic probation, if the minimum GPA is not met. All this means she is likely considering dropping out of school to pursue another path. Her family may not even give her a choice in the matter. Hence she probably thinks the relationship can't survive based on these things. The more I learn, the more I believe this is not about you within her own mind. You are just a victim of circumstances.
What you do is up to you. You're there, we're not. Ultimately, you have make your own decision regardless of anything we might tell you. In this case, my gut tells me I'm on the right track as far as what is going on, but there's still a lot of room for error. I can't tell you how to deal with the situation. I can only try to set you on the path to understanding what is happening. |
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For what it's worth, low 70s and 60s would have gotten her booted out of my school. I was kicked out for insufficient course load. My grades were fine - we had to maintain a minimum GPA of 2.0. If her grades are that low, her GPA could be 1.5 or less. So it sounds to me as if she is likely facing some kind of academic disciplinary action. Some schools will even withdraw financial aid, in addition to academic probation, if the minimum GPA is not met. All this means she is likely considering dropping out of school to pursue another path. Her family may not even give her a choice in the matter. Hence she probably thinks the relationship can't survive based on these things. The more I learn, the more I believe this is not about you within her own mind. You are just a victim of circumstances. What you do is up to you. You're there, we're not. Ultimately, you have make your own decision regardless of anything we might tell you. In this case, my gut tells me I'm on the right track as far as what is going on, but there's still a lot of room for error. I can't tell you how to deal with the situation. I can only try to set you on the path to understanding what is happening. Well she definitely can't get into dentistry with her grades. And that was her whole reason for moving to my city for school. Last she had told me she was thhnking of going to a smaller trades school here to become a dental assitant. but that wasn't what she had always wanted. My honest opinion is a) maybe school and life is stressing her some b) shes immature. I honestly dont think she knows how to show care or affection or has depth of peoples feelings that much. I think I cared more about her or her life then she did about mine. She was a really nice girl but just immature at the same time. gues thats what I get for dating a 19 yr old.... c) I think she liked the idea of having a boyfriend. Maybe when she met me she liked me. But I think the fact that I was single and liked her were big factors in everything. I mean she herself told me any guy she had liked things had never worked out with. So I think the fact that she finally foun a guy who woul date her seemed fun to her. Plus some of her good friends have boyfriends and i think she wanted one too. Not saying she didnt like me but I think there were other factors. Right now in my head part of me wants to text her and say its fine. How I really liked her and wished things couldve worked out. But the other part of me knows that probably is the worst thing I could do...so I wont. I just havent been this hurt in a while. And its weird cause it doesnt feel like my last breakup where I knew it was my fault that things ende the way they did. But no this time it feels like I've been betrayed in a way....Its a different kind of hurt. But I know youve all been there |
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"But I know youve all been there "
yes punkin' we have been and you were betrayed - she was dishing this other guy & trying to string u along...not cool....I really think (as I alluded to before) she's not a bad person - but she doesn't seem ready for what u want in a relationship eh....move on....but keep the vibe ending on a positive who knows what the future holds - for either of u - together - or with someone else entirely for each of u |
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"But I know youve all been there " yes punkin' we have been and you were betrayed - she was dishing this other guy & trying to string u along...not cool....I really think (as I alluded to before) she's not a bad person - but she doesn't seem ready for what u want in a relationship eh....move on....but keep the vibe ending on a positive who knows what the future holds - for either of u - together - or with someone else entirely for each of u well I havent talked to her since it ended. So how woul have been best to end it on a positive note? Like what could I have done. She ignored me for 2 days and then all she coul do was text me. not even call.....I wanted to respond to her on one hand. But then at the same time I felt like that woul be giving her all the power... Im just torn cause she seemed like a perfect girl when I met her in class and we had alot of great times together. And she wasnt a slut which was refreshing. Im sure being a in a relationship wasnt the best thing for her but I just wish she hadnt handled it this way.. So do you think I should say something to her? |
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"But I know youve all been there " yes punkin' we have been and you were betrayed - she was dishing this other guy & trying to string u along...not cool....I really think (as I alluded to before) she's not a bad person - but she doesn't seem ready for what u want in a relationship eh....move on....but keep the vibe ending on a positive who knows what the future holds - for either of u - together - or with someone else entirely for each of u well I havent talked to her since it ended. So how woul have been best to end it on a positive note? Like what could I have done. She ignored me for 2 days and then all she coul do was text me. not even call.....I wanted to respond to her on one hand. But then at the same time I felt like that woul be giving her all the power... Im just torn cause she seemed like a perfect girl when I met her in class and we had alot of great times together. And she wasnt a slut which was refreshing. Im sure being a in a relationship wasnt the best thing for her but I just wish she hadnt handled it this way.. So do you think I should say something to her? No. Say nothing to her. Stop thinking about her. You have to learn to let go. You and this girl had almost nothing together, this is perfect practice for letting go. Wait until you are married or have kids and you have to let go. What I'm saying is that this is how it has to be and it's only going to get harder from here. |
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..if she was the "perfect" girl than you would be together and nothing would have to be said..you have let the butterfly free,young grasshopper if it flies back than it is yours if not..than it never was..you have much to rearn..quick "snatch pebble from my hand"..too rate..  jk
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Guys sorry for going about this. But Im still at a loss to understand what happened....I mean
-This girl randomly sits besides me in class one day - we end up becoming friends an talking every class -summer comes and she purposely gets a job at the place I had worked the previous summer and wanted me to as well. -I cant so she goes home but she messages me on facebook all the time -then she sends me her cell number and we text constantly -then when she comes back we go out right away...still rememer that first date...felt like I had known her forever..we just went on a walk... -she had never had a boyfriend and her friends told me not to break her heart.. -and then she just gets distant after we had a seemingly great day together? I just dont get it...she was so into me and then poof nothing... |
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Edited by
Bushidobillyclub
on
Tue 12/06/11 09:22 AM
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Guys sorry for going about this. But Im still at a loss to understand what happened....I mean -This girl randomly sits besides me in class one day - we end up becoming friends an talking every class -summer comes and she purposely gets a job at the place I had worked the previous summer and wanted me to as well. -I cant so she goes home but she messages me on facebook all the time -then she sends me her cell number and we text constantly -then when she comes back we go out right away...still rememer that first date...felt like I had known her forever..we just went on a walk... -she had never had a boyfriend and her friends told me not to break her heart.. -and then she just gets distant after we had a seemingly great day together? I just dont get it...she was so into me and then poof nothing... Your life---------------------------------Her Life <--------------------- | ------------------------> That is all that matters. Its tough, try to look at it from the perspective of the much older people in this thread. I am willing to bet the reason we all are trying to help you is becuase we have ALL been through this before. The reasons we are all saying, "just let it go". Is becuase chances are we have all NOT let it go at least once before and felt more regret for that then otherwise has been our experiences since. People are fickle creatures, ALL of us. One thing is true, if either of you is not feeling that sparkle of an exciting relationship, then its doomed. The reasons why DO NOT MATTER, and often we ourselves do not understand the reasons for the loss of interest. Previous posters have speculated, and its good speculation, but can there ever be real understanding? No, we cannot ever really know even when its us that has become uninterested. Sometimes in hindsight you think you have the answers, but even then you can just be plain old wrong. The facts you outline above are all without significance. I will outline the facts that have significance below. -You both are young, from the thread its her first, and not far from your first relationship. -People tend to have several relationships before landing into a mature one. -When the interest is lost, its over. -The reasons don't matter. -In today's age of communications if something changes, its easy to call. -from your explanation it seems it was her interest that was lost along the way (the reasons do not matter) My conclusion: you move on and never call her, or send another text EVER. This way if she ever thinks of you, its in a good light and if she every figures it out, whatever it might be, then she has more then enough ability to call you. This exact thing happened to me, and you know what, a few years later, I was just NOT interested in her . . . . and so at that time she lost her window, I had moved on, and I was happy, so when she called I was happy to be a friend, but wanted NOTHING more. Once burnt? Maybe, or maybe she just lost my interest, who knows. Happy needs to always be the goal, and obsessing over a girl who is not interested in you (the reasons do not matter!) will never make you happy. |
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"But I know youve all been there " yes punkin' we have been and you were betrayed - she was dishing this other guy & trying to string u along...not cool....I really think (as I alluded to before) she's not a bad person - but she doesn't seem ready for what u want in a relationship eh....move on....but keep the vibe ending on a positive who knows what the future holds - for either of u - together - or with someone else entirely for each of u well I havent talked to her since it ended. So how woul have been best to end it on a positive note? Like what could I have done. She ignored me for 2 days and then all she coul do was text me. not even call.....I wanted to respond to her on one hand. But then at the same time I felt like that woul be giving her all the power... Im just torn cause she seemed like a perfect girl when I met her in class and we had alot of great times together. And she wasnt a slut which was refreshing. Im sure being a in a relationship wasnt the best thing for her but I just wish she hadnt handled it this way.. So do you think I should say something to her? not yet....wait - or not at all I think if u continue contacting her now it will send the wrong message and prolong the time u need to move on and get ur head together and when making these difficult decisions of the heart - remember it is your happiness that is at stake, not what others think, or what "society" thinks there are times to fight for the one you love and there are times to just let it go - she's a fool if she doesn't value you but it is also not wise to ask for more pain |
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Edited by
MrDolla
on
Wed 12/07/11 01:36 PM
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Im feeling a little better today guys. I got some closure. And I know Ill probably get put on blast for this but I went with my gut feeling and contacte her.....I had been thinking there as some things I hant said to her and I just wante to clear them up. So I wrote her a little note and took it over to her place....her roomate was there and actually seemed suprisingly happy to see me. She took the note and told me she'd be sure to give it to my ex..
I wasn't expecting any sort of reaction let alone her wanting to get back together. but so I just accepted the fact that I was happy with how handled it and I woul just have to move on from here no matter what...so a while later I hear back from my ex. she said "That was very sweet of you! You were a great boyfriend, I was just being distant because I was trying to decide if I was moving home next year and decided thats what would work best for me and I know I could never do a long distance relationship" meh unfortunately she wasnt getting back together but at least I could live with this answer. I think her grades were not nearly good enough for the program she wante to do her so shes going to go back home and go to a school there...yea Im sort of bummed she didnt want to ry an make it work. I mean shes only going to be 2 1 / 2 hrs away so its not really long distance. But what are you going to do right? I just sent her back a quick text saying "I unerstand. Im glad you made the best decision for your situation. I really enjoye getting to know you and your friends. And hope everything works out for you. You have my contact info I guess if anything ever changed. But anyways goodluck with school and whatever you do." |
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Im feeling a little better today guys. I got some closure. And I know Ill probably get put on blast for this but I went with my gut feeling and contacte her.....I had been thinking there as some things I hant said to her and I just wante to clear them up. So I wrote her a little note and took it over to her place....her roomate was there and actually seemed suprisingly happy to see me. She took the note and told me she'd be sure to give it to my ex.. I wasn't expecting any sort of reaction let alone her wanting to get back together. but so I just accepted the fact that I was happy with how handled it and I woul just have to move on from here no matter what...so a while later I hear back from my ex. she said "That was very sweet of you! You were a great boyfriend, I was just being distant because I was trying to decide if I was moving home next year and decided thats what would work best for me and I know I could never do a long distance relationship" meh unfortunately she wasnt getting back together but at least I could live with this answer. I think her grades were not nearly good enough for the program she wante to do her so shes going to go back home and go to a school there...yea Im sort of bummed she didnt want to ry an make it work. I mean shes only going to be 2 1 / 2 hrs away so its not really long distance. But what are you going to do right? I just sent her back a quick text saying "I unerstand. Im glad you made the best decision for your situation. I really enjoye getting to know you and your friends. And hope everything works out for you. You have my contact info I guess if anything ever changed. But anyways goodluck with school and whatever you do." That's ending it like a gentleman. Good for you and her. Who really knows why people just up and run, I've done it myself. Most people don't really know how to end things amicably but you can hold your head up. In the end what's really important is OUR actions and not those of others...I'm learning that one myself. |
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Good to see a mature and satisfying end. All to often emotional reactions can cause far more regret then the actual end of the relationship.
That was all we were really trying to coach you through. Most times when its over and the other party wont respond, trying to contact them just stretches out the heartbreak, and allows room for a lot of drama and that leads to lots of regret. Sounds like it worked out pretty well. |
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