A long, long time ago, someone made a thread about Fears.

My major fear/insecurity is approaching a woman, saying something that I think is witty, and actually sounding like a complete idiot.

Not in the " figurative " sense of the word. Like an actual idiot.

It's something I have tried to get help for, but even after all these years, what I kept getting told when I was a kid keeps ringing in my head.

It's just something that I have to deal with.

I never fell into the I wish I hadda bigger wiener, bigger car, bigger better me philosophy. Wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which one gets full first living is a waste of time. Time you can celebrate doing much more things you can be proud of. Count your blessings. Enjoy your life.

WHEW! OK...



Thank you for posting that babe. It's so much easier for us ladies when we know we're not alone in these things.

And last I checked, a lot of girls like the big boys.



Thank you Chrissy! That is SUCH a compliment. And you can call me Jessi. Now we've met officially!

You Do realize the 40s are the cougar decade, right? And now you're free to do that! W00t! Cougars wouldn't be so sexy to men if they weren't older... that's the point, right?



God, me too! Ya know what helped that a lot? A mixture of teaching teenagers and singing karaoke. Both of which have happened SINCE my divorce.

Sometimes we just gotta be shoved out of our comfort zone in order to widen it.



Ah, Lady! Another Cougar! Y'all should start a Cougar thread. That may help your self esteem LOTS!

Thank you :-) but my extreme shyness is a real problem, the only place I can go alone, is to work. For shopping or anything else, I have to have my son take me.

Your insecurities hold you back. Once you conquer them- you can accomplish anything. Throw em away.

Asking for help

It's sooo hard for me do

Even when I know I need it!!!

Gotta be the warrior at all times!!!

It drains the heck put of me!!

Holy smokes Batman! Scratch "about my age" and replace "Since my husband left" with 'my whole life' and this is EXACTLY how I feel too. How'd ya do that?

And Snarky, might I add, you're too cool for school girl!

Well I don't exactly agree with throwing away insecurities. Those are the things we look at to improve upon to better ourselves. But don't let them hold you back either.

There are guys out there who do like their woman to have curves. Stretch marks and a tummy are part of life and woman are beautiful in all their stages.I.e..Before, During and after pregnancy. No ones body jumps right back after that those that do are fairly rare and the celebs people see often go the plastic surgery route.

This is the second day in a row this song popped into my head.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RjdpSQD2bns

GOD you guys are fast!



Not necessarily. I'm way insecure but I'm FAR less so than I used to be. The old me would have been terrified of who I am now and the things I take as a matter of course. And every day I work on losing more and more insecurities. I'm not insecure because I WANT to be... I am because I am. But it can be fixed. Every time I think I can't do something, I look back at who I used to be and what I used to be afraid of, and I know I can do that, too.

You know the song "All Star"? Read the lyrics. That's how I live my life now. Anything less is simple existence. I want more than that.



You don't have to hon. This is supposed to be about healing, not pain-inflicting.

If it helps, I was raised being told every day that I was worthless and crazy. We all of us have our skeletons.



Hi justaguy! *Flying hug* Your insecurity about talking to women? Same here, only guys. I have SO much in my head that it never comes out right when I try to say it. I've never been the kind of person who can just go up to a guy and talk and flirt and be all shallow, but you have to be in the initial conversation. I can't... I always make it way more deep and difficult than it has to be. *Sigh*

Ya ever get this when ya talk to people? I think it's permanently burned into my retinas.



I don't know if it's about material things for many of us. I'm thinking it's way more about our interactions with others... or lack thereof. And why that is.

Honey, when I figure out how to fix this in myself you will be the second to know.

Overly insecure people are a burdon. They use it as an obstacle holding them back. They also tend to use their insecurities as boundaries and obstacles in relationships. And I don't play that. Want me to fess up? Used to have a fear of heights as a kid, and had insecurities about it. Overcame it by skydiving and repeling, and mountain climbing in the army. Now after climbing 4 14,000 foot mountains I think I got it under control. And I realized the only thing I had to be insecure about was the insecurity itself. Like yourself. I like you. Why can't you. Got a problem with it- fix it.

I used to be wrought with insecurities, but not so much anymore.

As I've grown out of the teenage years I've tended to look more outwardly at the world than focus on myself and my percieved shortcomings. In the grand scheme of things, I'm an insignificant speck. The world most likely sees me as such, so no one's looking at me intently enough to judge me- at least not in my mind anyway. Once you take that pressure off yourself you become free to just... be.

Being shy and insecure is self-indulgent and ego-centric.

I don't have physical insecurities. All of mine are "other"

I agree with this, as I said above, for myself. But it's not that easy. It can take time and work... and some never do get over them.



I have that issue too, babe. It goes hand in hand with my need to automatically KNOW everything already. Why do we do that to ourselves? I mean, naturally we're NOT going to know everything and be able to do everything for ourselves. Right?



Insecurities do help us to better ourselves, IF we use them that way. Unfortunately, Biker is right in that too many people use them as excuses to b**ch and whine and complain about their sh** lives.

They do, however, keep people from being egotistical, which is always good. However, I think a happy medium needs to be struck here. Nobody likes a whiner, nor does anyone like an egotist...

I don't know about conquering insecurities but I finally just got tired of it really. I was just over feeling that way so I stopped.... I found solace in the fact that I have so many people in my life who love me exactly the way I am

Used to feel weird about being short (5'5"), whether it was playing ball, finding compatible women, or feel sexually adequate. I cant say I dont still have doubts at times, but I cant change this so I have found ways to make it work to my advantage. Being short gives me the ability to do an obstacle course like a monkey, both speed and aerobic ability greater than my 6'5" buds. Sometimes people have looked at me as weak, yet strength does not rely on muscle (mass or endurance) but knowledge too has power, such as knowing pressure points, angles for leverage, etc. Feeling doubtful about satisfying a woman has lead me to research and discover new ways to increase this, and even so far as to providing complete ecstasy without even beginning actual intercourse.

Oh, and I really dont like the amount of hair slowly covering my body.

Overall, my dude Lion got it nailed down. These things can help us learn about ourselves and how to succeed in areas some may not even have the opportunity to, whether its because of our actual insecurities or simply the mental desire to push past something another person does not give the thought or will to do.

End of the day, there are people who look past these things and some who even can completely eliminate them... ahh the power of love.

I agree with your first paragraph. That was a major turning point for me, too, to see the world in a bigger way. Sadly, it took me a LOT longer after high school than right away, as I married right out the shoot and lived in a bubble world of church and family for YEARS. And yes, the women of the church DO look at you hard enough to judge. Harshly and without mercy.

But for about the last 6 years or so, I've been out in the world, learning, growing, and seeing myself for who I really am... without the funhouse mirror that I looked into for years.

Your second paragraph, however, I do not agree with. When insecurities are real, they are quite the opposite of egotism. I agree that some can use them to gain attention, but most insecure people don't WANT attention. It's the very last thing they want.

Txs, we're talking about all kinds. That's why I gave my two biggest in physical and "other".

but I'm not a cougar...

Thanks, Snarky! You're really sweet! I wish I could find a *cure* for mine....

I don't mean that insecure people want other people's attention. I'm saying that insecure people place too much attention upon themselves. Insecure people place themselves in the centre on their universe.