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Topic: Being Upfront
adj4u Joined Sun 04/08/07 Posts: 21254	Mon 06/15/09 12:33 PM
The people I have been around that complain about this are so confrontational and 'offensive' that their partners simply avoid the conversation because the consequences are two high and they realize from experience that they will lose any argument anyhow. And I don't blame either one of them. People need to find compatible partners. ding ding ding oruga oruga oruga aerrr aerrr aerrr a winning post but the debate was so fun

salvatore35 Joined Mon 04/07/08 Posts: 3173	Mon 06/15/09 12:33 PM
You know what I'd like to see more of? Men being upfront and honest about things. Now, I'm not saying all men are like this, but from what I've seen and what other women have told me, many men avoid confrontation like the plague. It isn't that difficult to just be upfront about what you're thinking. If something isn't working out, let us know. It can't be that hard. BTW...this can also be true about a woman! I'm sure it can. I don't have issues like this with women, which is why I was speaking specifically about men. Well then the answer is simple.Some people have a hard time saying what they feel! Not everyone can be so honest and forth comming.It is sometimes up to us to read the signs and make a change..not waiting around for an answer or decision from the other!After all...we are all responsible for ourselves...the minute we wait for answers from a significant other...we give them the power! I didn't say anything about waiting around for answers. I just said it would be nice to see more being upfront. I agree it would be nice! But it is also dangerous to want something another is not able to give...that is really the only point I am making!

buttons Joined Mon 11/06/06 Posts: 25783	Mon 06/15/09 12:35 PM Edited by buttons on Mon 06/15/09 12:39 PM
I'm sorry OP (singsmesweet) for taking this topic off course but it was all Buttons fault and Waterloo - my mind just wandered right into the gutter. i was gonna say that too but its waterloos fault heres the other thing... i have clammed up myself with my ex, im guilty and heres the thing with that.... when im confronted with the word "you", you, you why do you do this what were you thinking, what is wrong with you, you are wrong whats the point in conversating? when in fact the confronter has already decided that this is all my issue, that he was right, and he had no part in what had happened i will clam up.. because i dont want to argue and that is what had happened when i had just spoke of myself and stick up for myself id just get my head chewed off...hell after a yr of this sometimes i just said.... yes you are right even though i did not agree wasnt worth arguing about for 4 hours long..... and it took him 4-5 hours a lot of time to get the issue in his head to felt it was resolved.... some people dont have that kind of energy to do or have better things to do..

yellowrose10 Joined Tue 12/11/07 Posts: 52804	Mon 06/15/09 12:37 PM
I agree buttons...sometimes it's how you approach it. saying I feel there isn't communication is different than saying YOU don't communicate. this thread is a good example as well. some argue or want more ewhys to an explanation given. not necessarily anything wrong with that as long as your partner is communicating as much as you

franshade Joined Tue 07/24/07 Posts: 24704	Mon 06/15/09 12:38 PM
I'm sorry OP (singsmesweet) for taking this topic off course but it was all Buttons fault and Waterloo - my mind just wandered right into the gutter. i was gonna say that too but its waterloos fault heres the other thing... i have clammed up myself with my ex, im guilty and heres the thing with that.... when im confronted with the word "you", you, you why do you do this what were you thinking, what is wrong with you, you are wrong whats the point in conversating? when in fact the confronter has already decided that this is all my issue, that he was right, and he had no part in what had happened i will clam up.. because i dont want to argue and that is what had happened when i had just spoke of myself and stick up for myself id just get my head chewed off... cut him off midstream - hey wait a (walk away) but I understand, sometimes, we just want to know and also depends on the delivery. ok ok - gradually climbing outta da gutter, but dayummm it's hard.

adj4u Joined Sun 04/08/07 Posts: 21254	Mon 06/15/09 12:39 PM Edited by adj4u on Mon 06/15/09 12:40 PM
You know what I'd like to see more of? Men being upfront and honest about things. Now, I'm not saying all men are like this, but from what I've seen and what other women have told me, many men avoid confrontation like the plague. It isn't that difficult to just be upfront about what you're thinking. If something isn't working out, let us know. It can't be that hard. BTW...this can also be true about a woman! I'm sure it can. I don't have issues like this with women, which is why I was speaking specifically about men. Well then the answer is simple.Some people have a hard time saying what they feel! Not everyone can be so honest and forth comming.It is sometimes up to us to read the signs and make a change..not waiting around for an answer or decision from the other!After all...we are all responsible for ourselves...the minute we wait for answers from a significant other...we give them the power! I didn't say anything about waiting around for answers. I just said it would be nice to see more being upfront. if yer not going to wait on an answer why bother bringing anything up it appears by that statement it is not a conversation that is wanted but a this is how it so conform

buttons Joined Mon 11/06/06 Posts: 25783	Mon 06/15/09 12:40 PM
and i did not consider that communicating.... but ragging on me

salvatore35 Joined Mon 04/07/08 Posts: 3173	Mon 06/15/09 12:40 PM Edited by salvatore35 on Mon 06/15/09 12:40 PM
You know what I'd like to see more of? Men being upfront and honest about things. Now, I'm not saying all men are like this, but from what I've seen and what other women have told me, many men avoid confrontation like the plague. It isn't that difficult to just be upfront about what you're thinking. If something isn't working out, let us know. It can't be that hard. BTW...this can also be true about a woman! I'm sure it can. I don't have issues like this with women, which is why I was speaking specifically about men. Well then the answer is simple.Some people have a hard time saying what they feel! Not everyone can be so honest and forth comming.It is sometimes up to us to read the signs and make a change..not waiting around for an answer or decision from the other!After all...we are all responsible for ourselves...the minute we wait for answers from a significant other...we give them the power! I didn't say anything about waiting around for answers. I just said it would be nice to see more being upfront. if yer not going to wait on an answer why bother bringing anything up it appears by that statement it is not a conversation that is wanted but a this is how it so conform A very good observation!

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Mon 06/15/09 12:41 PM
if yer not going to wait on an answer why bother bringing anything up it appears by that statement it is not a conversation that is wanted but a this is how it so conform What?

STARTRAVELER Joined Thu 02/14/08 Posts: 9691	Mon 06/15/09 12:42 PM
Here is an example: I got asked out by a guy, we exchanged numbers and were to talk to firm it all up. Never freaking heard from dyckhead again. Now.... if he met someone else, got sick, whatever... great. But I heard nothing. TURD. And women never do that ? Had a lunch date with a woman planned with no firm time as my tractor was in the shop .It was agreed I would call.Upon calling to let her know it would be about an hour more I was told "I turned down 150 other men to be with you today and you blew it " WTF? EGOTISTICAL BIOTCH !

franshade Joined Tue 07/24/07 Posts: 24704	Mon 06/15/09 12:43 PM
Here is an example: I got asked out by a guy, we exchanged numbers and were to talk to firm it all up. Never freaking heard from dyckhead again. Now.... if he met someone else, got sick, whatever... great. But I heard nothing. TURD. And women never do that ? Had a lunch date with a woman planned with no firm time as my tractor was in the shop .It was agreed I would call.Upon calling to let her know it would be about an hour more I was told "I turned down 150 other men to be with you today and you blew it " WTF? EGOTISTICAL BIOTCH ! yikes

salvatore35 Joined Mon 04/07/08 Posts: 3173	Mon 06/15/09 12:44 PM
if yer not going to wait on an answer why bother bringing anything up it appears by that statement it is not a conversation that is wanted but a this is how it so conform What? He was stating that I was opening up to you...not suggesting that you were in the equasion of my answer...but you felt the need to defend yourself saying...that is not what I said!I was only opening up my heart and finding a way to communicate my feelings on this matter!This is how miscommunication and people being afraid to open up begin! BTW...I love this thread singmesweet!

adj4u Joined Sun 04/08/07 Posts: 21254	Mon 06/15/09 12:45 PM
if yer not going to wait on an answer why bother bringing anything up it appears by that statement it is not a conversation that is wanted but a this is how it so conform What? again you cut of the statement you made that was responded too the full post You know what I'd like to see more of? Men being upfront and honest about things. Now, I'm not saying all men are like this, but from what I've seen and what other women have told me, many men avoid confrontation like the plague. It isn't that difficult to just be upfront about what you're thinking. If something isn't working out, let us know. It can't be that hard. BTW...this can also be true about a woman! I'm sure it can. I don't have issues like this with women, which is why I was speaking specifically about men. Well then the answer is simple.Some people have a hard time saying what they feel! Not everyone can be so honest and forth comming.It is sometimes up to us to read the signs and make a change..not waiting around for an answer or decision from the other!After all...we are all responsible for ourselves...the minute we wait for answers from a significant other...we give them the power! I didn't say anything about waiting around for answers. I just said it would be nice to see more being upfront. if yer not going to wait on an answer why bother bringing anything up it appears by that statement it is not a conversation that is wanted but a this is how it so conform why is it you do that (cut out what the response is too)

buttons Joined Mon 11/06/06 Posts: 25783	Mon 06/15/09 12:46 PM Edited by buttons on Mon 06/15/09 12:49 PM
Here is an example: I got asked out by a guy, we exchanged numbers and were to talk to firm it all up. Never freaking heard from dyckhead again. Now.... if he met someone else, got sick, whatever... great. But I heard nothing. TURD. And women never do that ? Had a lunch date with a woman planned with no firm time as my tractor was in the shop .It was agreed I would call.Upon calling to let her know it would be about an hour more I was told "I turned down 150 other men to be with you today and you blew it " WTF? EGOTISTICAL BIOTCH ! answer..... wow !im sorry you feel that way!!! im glad i was smart enough to have kept backup plans.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Mon 06/15/09 12:47 PM
if yer not going to wait on an answer why bother bringing anything up it appears by that statement it is not a conversation that is wanted but a this is how it so conform What? He was stating that I was opening up to you...not suggesting that you were in the equasion of my answer...but you felt the need to defend yourself saying...that is not what I said!I was only opening up my heart and finding a way to communicate my feelings on this matter!This is how miscommunication and people being afraid to open up begin! BTW...I love this thread singmesweet! I just clarified that I was not waiting around for answers from someone. Isn't that called communicating?

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Mon 06/15/09 12:48 PM
Adj - because you continuously keep quoting everything.

adj4u Joined Sun 04/08/07 Posts: 21254	Mon 06/15/09 12:51 PM
you should at least take what the response is too or it is taken out of context

DrBogenbroom Joined Tue 04/21/09 Posts: 319	Mon 06/15/09 12:51 PM
Ya know, the last time I had a something important to say to a girl, I requested that I might be a able to put it in writing. I explained that if I were to attempt to say it right on the spot that I would end up saying something that I would regret. Well, she told me to just say it. So I gave it my best shot. I intended to say that being 'just friends' was not comfortable to me given the feelings I had for her. I intended to have an intelligent conversation on the matter. I wanted her to be as open with me as I had been with her. Butttt... Given my habit for shooting from the hip with my words, I must have said something very wrong. Actually, I know what I said, and would rather not repeat it here. It's been two months since that conversation. That was the last time we spoke. Bahhh, I can almost make it until noon without thinking of her. So, sometimes you need to know when to give someone time to compose their thoughts.

salvatore35 Joined Mon 04/07/08 Posts: 3173	Mon 06/15/09 12:52 PM
if yer not going to wait on an answer why bother bringing anything up it appears by that statement it is not a conversation that is wanted but a this is how it so conform What? He was stating that I was opening up to you...not suggesting that you were in the equasion of my answer...but you felt the need to defend yourself saying...that is not what I said!I was only opening up my heart and finding a way to communicate my feelings on this matter!This is how miscommunication and people being afraid to open up begin! BTW...I love this thread singmesweet! I just clarified that I was not waiting around for answers from someone. Isn't that called communicating? It is communicating ...yes...but only on a specific sentence.There was so much more there that wasn't adressed!

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Mon 06/15/09 12:54 PM
if yer not going to wait on an answer why bother bringing anything up it appears by that statement it is not a conversation that is wanted but a this is how it so conform What? He was stating that I was opening up to you...not suggesting that you were in the equasion of my answer...but you felt the need to defend yourself saying...that is not what I said!I was only opening up my heart and finding a way to communicate my feelings on this matter!This is how miscommunication and people being afraid to open up begin! BTW...I love this thread singmesweet! I just clarified that I was not waiting around for answers from someone. Isn't that called communicating? It is communicating ...yes...but only on a specific sentence.There was so much more there that wasn't adressed! Such as?