Community > General Discussion

Topic: Being Upfront
OrangeCat Joined Tue 10/23/07 Posts: 76874	Mon 06/15/09 11:13 AM
sorry I have to add there are way to many woman who are not upfront either. so it aint right to just put men in =this subject

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Mon 06/15/09 11:14 AM
many men avoid confrontation like the plague. It isn't that difficult to just be upfront about what you're thinking. If something isn't working out, let us know. It can't be that hard. IMO...this is the source of the confusion. sometimes it is hard to be upfront and honest. because they don't want to hurt someone or the person will go over board with the whys. if they felt they could communicate without confrontations, they probably would. Things can be discussed as adults. No getting mad involved. It's when someone avoids talking about something for a while, then the confrontation happens. That could be avoided.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Mon 06/15/09 11:14 AM
It comes down to these options. Man tells woman how he feels, woman objects, gets hurt and/or mad. Man tells woman how he feels, woman agrees, gets hurt and/or sad. Man tells woman what she wants to hear, woman is all happy and smiles. Man tells woman what she wants to hear, but this time she knows it, woman is happy until he leaves the room, then gets angry and/or sad. No! Scenario: Couple has conversation. They say things that need to be said. These things are discussed. Period. If the woman beats a dead horse over it.... that's another conversation! The point is when people avoid rather than discuss. It's hurtful. We aren't dumb... we know you are avoiding us. I agree.

Gumbyvs Joined Thu 12/27/07 Posts: 2417	Mon 06/15/09 11:15 AM
Comes down to people not having a conversation. You talk, you disagree a bit, you compromise, you go on. But today, its you bicker, you yell, then you go on the Springer show.

buttons Joined Mon 11/06/06 Posts: 25783	Mon 06/15/09 11:16 AM Edited by buttons on Mon 06/15/09 11:17 AM
i would of rather been told before 6 yrs that i was a friend with benifits rather than waste my time...and give me hopes of better things rather than just a let down...i think perhaps it could be caused from selfishness do they go along with the ride as long as they can... and i guess in ways some dont communicate due to the fact that there is nothing in it for them by doing so..im speaking of men or women

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Mon 06/15/09 11:16 AM
Comes down to people not having a conversation. You talk, you disagree a bit, you compromise, you go on. But today, its you bicker, you yell, then you go on the Springer show. If the conversation part would happen more often, the other things would happen less often. Seems simple enough, right?

yellowrose10 Joined Tue 12/11/07 Posts: 52804	Mon 06/15/09 11:17 AM
many men avoid confrontation like the plague. It isn't that difficult to just be upfront about what you're thinking. If something isn't working out, let us know. It can't be that hard. IMO...this is the source of the confusion. sometimes it is hard to be upfront and honest. because they don't want to hurt someone or the person will go over board with the whys. if they felt they could communicate without confrontations, they probably would. Things can be discussed as adults. No getting mad involved. It's when someone avoids talking about something for a while, then the confrontation happens. That could be avoided. true...but women may not understand why they do it. maybe they have been beat down for a long time with a woman telling them they are wrong for the man's feelings or opinions or drama happens because the woman doesn't like the answer. some may just be jerks (and this goes for men and women). there are many reasons for it. but you asked why men avoid confrontation....not why men can't have a conversation. sometimes people don't want to talk because they have a lot going on in their minds. i get quiet (hard to believe i know) when i feel weighed down with things going on and i avoid certain things so i don't blow up when it's not deserved

yellowrose10 Joined Tue 12/11/07 Posts: 52804	Mon 06/15/09 11:18 AM
Comes down to people not having a conversation. You talk, you disagree a bit, you compromise, you go on. But today, its you bicker, you yell, then you go on the Springer show. I'm just here for the Jerry beads

Unknow Joined Sat 12/15/07 Posts: 41170	Mon 06/15/09 11:18 AM
Yeah, and I'm taking everyone's word here on how this communication is supposed to go because..... Oh yeah, we've all been so successful at relationships..... Why do you all think you are right? Maybe you should just do the opposite of your inclinations. Maybe I should, it'll probably work better.

Gumbyvs Joined Thu 12/27/07 Posts: 2417	Mon 06/15/09 11:19 AM
Comes down to people not having a conversation. You talk, you disagree a bit, you compromise, you go on. But today, its you bicker, you yell, then you go on the Springer show. If the conversation part would happen more often, the other things would happen less often. Seems simple enough, right? Well, to rational, somewhat educated people, yes. But then there's the rest of em. Hell, my grandparents hated each other, but they stayed married til one of em died. They argued a lot, but they rarely yelled, and worked everything out.

Gumbyvs Joined Thu 12/27/07 Posts: 2417	Mon 06/15/09 11:19 AM
Comes down to people not having a conversation. You talk, you disagree a bit, you compromise, you go on. But today, its you bicker, you yell, then you go on the Springer show. I'm just here for the Jerry beads You gotta work for em!

yellowrose10 Joined Tue 12/11/07 Posts: 52804	Mon 06/15/09 11:19 AM
Comes down to people not having a conversation. You talk, you disagree a bit, you compromise, you go on. But today, its you bicker, you yell, then you go on the Springer show. If the conversation part would happen more often, the other things would happen less often. Seems simple enough, right? this is very true...but it has to be on both sides. IMO men work from the brain and women from emotions....not always the case...but a lot of times men are from mars and women are from venus

auburngirl Joined Fri 04/27/07 Posts: 18811	Mon 06/15/09 11:19 AM
You know what I'd like to see more of? Men being upfront and honest about things. Now, I'm not saying all men are like this, but from what I've seen and what other women have told me, many men avoid confrontation like the plague. It isn't that difficult to just be upfront about what you're thinking. If something isn't working out, let us know. It can't be that hard. I don't wanna deal with this question. I'm outta here. Got any packing tape?

yellowrose10 Joined Tue 12/11/07 Posts: 52804	Mon 06/15/09 11:20 AM
Comes down to people not having a conversation. You talk, you disagree a bit, you compromise, you go on. But today, its you bicker, you yell, then you go on the Springer show. I'm just here for the Jerry beads You gotta work for em! typical man (kidding)

Gumbyvs Joined Thu 12/27/07 Posts: 2417	Mon 06/15/09 11:20 AM
Yeah, and I'm taking everyone's word here on how this communication is supposed to go because..... Oh yeah, we've all been so successful at relationships..... Why do you all think you are right? Maybe you should just do the opposite of your inclinations. Maybe I should, it'll probably work better. I'm a man, I'm never right! Well, according to some of my ex's.

auburngirl Joined Fri 04/27/07 Posts: 18811	Mon 06/15/09 11:20 AM
Yeah, and I'm taking everyone's word here on how this communication is supposed to go because..... Oh yeah, we've all been so successful at relationships..... Why do you all think you are right? Maybe you should just do the opposite of your inclinations. Maybe I should, it'll probably work better. OMG Thank you! That so needed to be said.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Mon 06/15/09 11:21 AM
but you asked why men avoid confrontation....not why men can't have a conversation. I believe it was clarified later in the thread by me and others.

Unknow Joined Sat 12/15/07 Posts: 41170	Mon 06/15/09 11:21 AM
Yeah, and I'm taking everyone's word here on how this communication is supposed to go because..... Oh yeah, we've all been so successful at relationships..... Why do you all think you are right? Maybe you should just do the opposite of your inclinations. Maybe I should, it'll probably work better. I'm a man, I'm never right! Well, according to some of my ex's. It's not about gender. It's about anyone so convinced of their "rightness" that they keep repeating their mistakes.

yellowrose10 Joined Tue 12/11/07 Posts: 52804	Mon 06/15/09 11:22 AM
but you asked why men avoid confrontation....not why men can't have a conversation. I believe it was clarified later in the thread by me and others. but that was the start of it...i'm just explaning the possible confusion. some people read the OP (like me lol) before the opinions

Gumbyvs Joined Thu 12/27/07 Posts: 2417	Mon 06/15/09 11:22 AM
Comes down to people not having a conversation. You talk, you disagree a bit, you compromise, you go on. But today, its you bicker, you yell, then you go on the Springer show. If the conversation part would happen more often, the other things would happen less often. Seems simple enough, right? this is very true...but it has to be on both sides. IMO men work from the brain and women from emotions....not always the case...but a lot of times men are from mars and women are from venus Generalizing a bit here. Ever notice that when an argument starts and the woman gets worked up and angry, and the man is just calm? That calm right there is fuel for the fire.