That claims to be the "official Jack Handey" site. I think it is because it has all of them it seems like. I had the Jack Handey desk calendar last year.

I bookmarked it so I can back and watch more.

I was raised in a Lutheran grade school and they taught us the bible in Depth. By the time i was in 7th grade I began asking a lot of really tough questions of the adults enough so that I actually had a voice with our pastor who used to get headaches trying to explain things I confronted them on.
Then I went to Catholic High School...
3 1/2 of the WORST years of my life and to make it so much more interesting my deadbeat father became a Born Again Christian.
I was at odds with the Clergy a LOT. Knowing the bible as well as I do I pointed out flaws in their arguments constantly and when they quoted a passage of the bible I quoted the whole verse. My little brown Bible has helped me screw with them a lot. They tried to tell me it was not up to me to interpret the bible and I told them it was not their responsibility either and that they were the sinners and why like praying to saints, idolitry, lack of compassion and Christian virtues, lying , deception, and power mongering. I accused the Catholic Church of murder of the Aztecs and a number of other New World Civilizations, Three Crusades, and the Inquisitions, forcing ignorance down our throats (burning of the Great Library of Alexandria, limiting education), and being sacrilegious because as soon as somebody challenges their dogma they are branded as heretics. My relationship went from one of a kid seeking enlightenment to one who was kept in a prison of intellect for 3 1/2 years until my frustration became counter violence because likewise I got picked on a lot until I had had enough.
The Catholic Church killed Christianity for me utterly. Not all Christians are misguided. I have run across a few who do not tow the party line so to speak.
There is higher truth in Christianity but you have to sift through a lot of crap to get to it.
Sheep get scared in the presence of non sheep and they become passively aggressive where I choose to get violently aggressive. I will not let some pansy provoke me to much. I can take a lot but when they push verbally too hard I let my fist find their mouths. Respect is given where respect is shown. I do not lend well to intellectual rape. Don't let the ignorance of the worshipers of the ultimate deception get to you. they are weak and in the backs of their minds their piety is clashing with their conscious because in the backs of their minds they are wondering if they are being let in truth. Here is a thought, those that reek of purity are not as pure as they want us to believe. They are just as much a sinner as the rest of us.
Like I have said, I am not necessarily Wiccan. Actually I ain't BUT I appreciate it as a way of life and way of thinking much like Buddhism. I am Andy, Nothing more and nothing less. I walk the earth in God (AND the Goddess's) kingdom seeking to know more and to grow to be like God if it is possible. Christians fear that thinking a lot more than they would admit. Christians also fear evolution like they spoke with God personally and He She It told them Evolution was a lie. I wish God would tell me if it was a lie or not but based on what evidence has been presented to me I can safely say that evolution is real and that CHANGE is the only constant. Think God will matter at all when we are gone like the Dinosaur?
Don't feel anger towards the Christians! Feel Pity! That hurts them more than you could imagine!
Trust me, I've intellectually and Philosophically eaten more priests and preachers for lunch than a Fat man has eaten sitting at an all you an eat buffet!
Thomas Aquinus was a fat pig and a hedonistic boozer! His philosophies have more holes in them than a screen door! And his philosophies are used to rationalize Gods Presence in a Christian mind set. Theologists make me SICK!
Don't let Christian hostility get to you. They are the weak ones here because they cannot stand for themselves. They need Jesus to hold their hands through life because they have not the strength to face the unknown like us Pagans!
They see sex as a sin.
I see it as one of the most beautiful ways of celebrating life God and the Goddess could have given us as long as it is not twisted into a perverted act or rape of another.
They revile the naked human form as disgusting.
Funny how they revile God's image!!
Jesus says love thy neighbor...
Yeah, right...

I find the bible to be VERY misogynist in its tone. Thats probably my deepest concern with it. It makes sense why it would be of course as these early instigators of a new and foreign religious doctrine would have been in direct conflict with a Pagan based spirituality where the divine feminine would have been placed at the forefront in many instances.

Aside from that there are several other problem with both the NT and OT.

Something to do tonight or tomorrow morning if you are so inclined:

**BESOM CHANT**

"Besom, besom long and lithe
Made from ash and willow withe
Tied with thongs of willow bark
In running stream at moonset dark.
With a pentagram indighted
As the ritual fire is lighted;
Sweep ye circle, deosil,
Sweep out evil, sweep out ill,
Make the round of the ground
Where we do the Lady's will.

Besom, besom, Lady's broom
Sweep out darkness, sweep out doom
Rid ye Lady's hallowed ground
Of demons, imps and Hell's red hound;
Then set ye down on Her green earth
By running stream or Mistress' hearth,
'Till called once more on Sabbath night
To cleans once more the dancing site."

Author unknown

That was one of my greatest issues with the bible was how it treated women.

this was one question LONG before the Last Temptation of Christ came out. I asked if Jesus and Mary (The Prostitute he saved from stoning) were in love. Man did that go over like a lead balloon.

In the recently uncovered Scripture by Judas (NOT the Davnichi Code!!!!) it says Mary Magdalane WAS one of the Apostles and more than just a friend with Jesus. A pure savior being in love with a prostitute does not fit in with the Catholic Church's idealism about God.

I personally think based on a lot of what I had learned reading the bible was that Jesus and Mary did have something going on. She and his mother were the ONLY two people at the crucifixion while the apostles hit themselves.

Another question was why did Judas kill himself? From what I could tell was it was guilt that according to the bible, God 'compelled' him to act. Judas and Jesus were BFFs. I have heard that it is possible Jesus had planned out his death and PUT Judas up to selling him out. I bet Judas could not live with the guilt he acted on his friend's wishes and it cost him someone he loved.
The IDEA and the AUDACITY of the Catholic Church to condemn Judas for his betrayal...
...Judge not least ye be JUDGED!
Who is the Catholic Church to condemn anyone acting on the will of God?
Well here is a judgment of my own. They cast stones in my Glass House so I shall cast stones of my own in theirs!
I pronounce the Catholic Church guilty of a litany of sins so great that I doubt I could find a sentence fitting their crimes! Hanging is too good for them. Burning is too good for them. They should be brought to their knees in submission to the ones they had sinned against!
I pronounce most of Christianity to be misguided!
My sentence is for them to go BACK to school and this time open the damn books!

Andy said:



Are you thinking of this one. This is from the Gospel of Philip.

"There were three who always walked with the Lord: Mary, his mother, and her sister, and Magdalene, the one who was called his companion. His sister and his mother and his companion were each a Mary.

And the companion of the [Savior is] Mary Magdalene. [But Christ] loved her more than all the disciples and used to kiss her often. The rest of the disciples [were offended by it and expressed disapproval. They said to him, "Why do you love her more than all of us?" The Savior answered and said to them, "Why do I not love you like her?"

YOU HIT THE NAIL RIGHT ON THE HEAD!!!!!!!!
That one passage in the Bible sealed it for me. I had an issue with people calling Jesus the Son of God when he clearly says we are all children of God. It proved not only that Jesus was a man and nothing more but that he also had a life the Catholic Church could not accept because it made him a man and not a "SUPER SPECIAL GOD LIKE BEING." Jesus getting his **** wet made him less than pure. Keep in consideration as well that many of the early Popes were HOMOSEXUALS with people like Pope Innocent the third being one of the more notorious men in Christian Drag! Many of my gay friends are very tolerant people but I have met hard core flaming homos that revile all forms of anything female. Imagine a hard core woman bashing fag in charge of the early Catholic Church and what policies he would have been able to inflict on people. Keep in mind that I do have homosexual friends as i write the words if this petite tirade.

Let me try to be clear on this. I celebrate equality on all levels. God did not create all man as equals. Equality is something that comes from the heart. It is "in Spirit."

I do not use my viewpoint to try to get dates. It actually has gotten in the way more than once (actually quite a bit) and caused me some serious friction. Any religion that is too male or femalecentric is a lie. To me a true faith is about balance and that good and evil are part of life.

I had a ***** of a time dealing with my own anger issues until I came to terms with the knowledge that good and evil and my bad side are all part of me. Now that I seek balance I have sort of found peace. Now if I can find the one or two true women who is or are really my other half, that would be the cherry on the top of my sundae. For now I am just a seeker and a wanderer of sorts.

Let me make sure I do not forget to say this...
...Krimsa, you have got a head on your shoulders.

That is as refreshing as glass of cold water on a scorching hot day! THANK YOU!

Massive Respect girl!

That and MAD ASSED PROPS!!!!

Andy, I hear your frustration with Christianity, and I'm in total agreement with you. Christianity is nothing but an institution that uses Jesus to spread hatred and bigotry.

There's no question about it. They have historically proven their dastardly ways time and time again.

It's a vile loathing religion that truly spreads hate to everyone who refuses to worship IT (the religion itself). Christianity has nothing to do with Jesus other than thay have raped him of every ounce of dignity that they can squeeze out of his battered body, and then they use his carcass to beat their bigotry into the skulls of anyone who is timid enough to succumb to their hatred.

It's one of the most vile religions on planet Earth and I have absolutely no repsect for the religion whatsoever. Nor any of it's cousin religions that evolved from that same superstition of a pathetic egotistical God who demands to be worshiped and lusts for blood sacrifices.

I can't say enough bad things about it. And so I won't say anymore.

It's just disgusting. You've been wronged by a bunch of self-righteous jerks who had absolutely no business lying to you. And yes, they did indeed lie if they ever claim that the religion was true. No human can possible know that to be a fact, and so any human who makes that claim is lying to his brothers.

And you were also right to view those pompous priests as your equal brothers! Their opinions on the biblical interpretation don't hold anymore weight than yours.

You're a human, and they are a human. Every human has a right to form an opinion on what they believe their creator is like.

I'm in total agreement with you. I totally denounce the Bible as being totally ungodly and nowhere close to being divine. Just look at the monsters it creates who preach bigotry and hatred in the name of God.

That's proof-positive that it's not divine as far as I'm concerned.

So let go of it!

Those people are idiots!

There are many of us who agree with you wholeheartedly and fully embrace your enlightened wisdom and genius for having seen through the pathetic mythology.

You don't need to convince us.

We know you're right.

Speak for yourself, will ya?





























And a happy new year to you

Vigilance is the only defense we have against ignorance. Education makes us strong, our community fortifies us,
and our unity give us the strength to face these false shepherds!

I think the hardest part is educating others and not letting our passions get in the way or discredit us.

Unfortunately many Christians have made up their minds and try to convince others of the lie they blissfully live in.

If anything have faith that the Catholic Church is dying now in the US and other places. I just fear that we are facing along and drawn out war with Islam and while a lot of Islamics I know are all about peace there are others that are JUST like the Catholic church and for as deeply regrettable as this is their blood must be spilled so they do not spill ours.

I hate the dichotomy we are forced to live in but the Goddess has to have her reasons for it.

It is not up to me to make determinations of what she wants. All I can say is that we need to do what we can to insure the safety of our home from anybody's inquisitions and religious cleansing. If it means spilling blood then so be it. How many people have to die in the name of God before we realize we are committing murder? How many 9-11s must happen before we realize that some of the bad in this world is a cancer we need to cut out?

Peace for the sake of peace is SUICIDE! War in the name of peace is regrettable, yet still brother has to kill brother because we never got past being Cain and Able! Of all of the life on this planet I had to be born a HUMAN! OUCH!

Man I get such a headache thinking about this stuff sometimes!

Let me preface this by saying its simply based on my own conjecture. Jesus may have been bi-sexual. Its possible. However I think the most likely scenario is that he and Mary Magdalen were most definitely an "item". He probably made love to her hard and often. I also feel that she bore him children. For Jesus not to have been with her would have been the worst sin he could have committed in light of the fact that he was to be crucified at 35 or however young he was. All this "divine abstinence" is a load of crap.

But I was speaking for me and myself.

I have multiple personalities.

Me

Myself

And I

And I love myself for being me.

Yew can speak for yew
and owl speak for thou
for thou art with yew
and yew art with thou

And if that makes sense tew yew owl write a book.



By the weigh, what's the scoop on my crystal energy book and the feng shui self-cleansing singing bowl book?

It was recommended that I wait until the new year with sending something, and I'm lucky that I listened for once.

One of the post workers here was arrested for stealing post (mainly big envelopes, small parcels and Christmas cards) where he suspected something of worth could be in it.

I'm still waiting for my mother to confirm that her card arrived, and it's 3 weeks since.

Some people just have to spoil it, haven't they





I meant to mail and tell you about it, but I forgot.

Andy said:



The funny thing about Cain and Abel was god pretty much caused Cain to attack and kill Abel. Im not excusing the behavior of course. Cain should have controlled himself but have you ever read that story in Genesis? Because God liked Abel's animal sacrifice more than Cain's vegetables, Cain kills his brother Abel in a fit of religious jealousy. God likes Abel's dead animals better than Cain's fruits and vegetables. Why? Well, no reason is given, but it probably has something to do with the amount of pain, blood, and gore involved.

Well, what kind of a father favors one son over another anyway?

Besides, if the father is displeased wouldn't it be his fatherly responsibility to explain to his son precisely why it is that he is displeased?



Well there we go. Not only did God fail to communicate with Cain, but he failed to even communicate with all of humanity in his stupid book.

This is supposed to be an all-wise fatherly-figure God?

I don't think so.

Clearly these were moral parables written up by men who weren't the best of mentors. They were more concerned with writing stories that conveyed the principles they were interested in conveying and not the least bit interested in whether or not the stories make sense in terms of a supposedly all-wise divine fatherly-figure God.

If the bible had truly be inspired by a divine creator these parable would be intelligent and full of wisdom. But they aren't. They truly just reprsent the standard human ego and viewpoint.

This is where human parents fail as well. Instead of dealing with the issues directly and actually communicating with their children to help them understand things they just give them ultimatums and say stupid things like "Because I say so!"

The Bible truly reflects this lame mentality of humans.

If an all-wise fatherly-figure had inspired the writing of the Bible it wouldn't be as lame as it is. Clearly the biblical stories did not originate from the mind of any all-wise supreme being.

If a person wants to find true wisdom they would do far better off to turning to something like Buddhism. The teachings of Buddha are far wiser than the teachings of the Old Testament.

It is my belief that Jesus in fact taught the philosophy of Buddha. Jesus clearly did not agree with many of the things that had been taught in the Old Testament.

There's no question in my mind that Jesus was murdered for blaspheme (disagreeing with the teachings of the Old Testament), and then later he was nailed to the Old Testament because people had started following his teachings. So the religious authoritarians had to do something to regain their followers. They did that by nailing Jesus to the Old Testament.

It truly angers me everytime I think about it. It appears that Jesus was truly wise, and taught the same things as Buddha, but the Christians (the original Christians who actually wrote the New Testament), nailed Jesus to the Old Testament and failed to understand his teachings.

Modern so-called "Christians" today who worship the Bible as though it's a single contiguous book that represents the "word of God" believe that Jesus and the God of Abraham are somehow related via a magical virgin birth.

But the whole sacrifical lamb thing truly stains and denigrates what Jesus actually tried to teach.

It's truly a shame that Jesus had to get dragged into that whole Old Testament crap.

It's truly a shame that his teachings didn't survive him like Buddha's teachings. I guess the Mediterranean people just weren't ready to give up their old beliefs.

Jesus made a lot of good points, but they are all for naught in the hands of Bible-thumping Christians who have nailed him to the Old Testament, the very mentality that Jesus denounced.

the Christian God very much plays favorites. God rebuked Cain's every attempt to appease him. At first Cain was a lazy slacker not giving his best but when he did God still turned his back on him.


This thought has been disturbing me a lot for a very long time. Given this is OT but bear with me...

God came to Moses and when asked who he she it was God said I AM. That would be a good response for a God for sure. A god that really was 'the one' would have no name. God would just be and that would be more than enough. Man needs to put a name to everything. Now the Jews likewise named a God, Jehova or as it is Spelled in Latin Ihoeva or Ihova. I forgot which was the correct Latin spelling. Baael is also mentioned as well as one or two other "false" or "old" gods depending on how the passages are interpreted it is dependent on the version of the bible you are going by. Now Jehova comes along...
False God maybe????

One True God would have no name and that would be that. the only name that could properly fit for a truly omniscient being would be Everything...

With the addition of saints one has a built in patheon of lesser gods.
Paganism at its best (WORST).

It is funny how it was Jesus who said beware of false Shepherds.
I know this as historical fact.
in his youth Jesus was a carpenter and a good one at that.
he grew up in the traditions of Judeaism and educated.
He could read and write and was a respected member among the Scribes and Pharisees of the Jewish community. He was constantly at the temple. His word was given ear and respected but something happened. Jesus looked to true enlightenment where the motives of the leaders of the Jewish faith were selling salvation. That did not set well on Jesus and the moment he challenged their greed they wanted him out of the picture because he taught virtues that took power away from the temple. It is clear that the Scribes and Pharisees wanted him dead. They just had to find a legal way to do it and they used Rome to fulfill their wishes. Pontious Pilot didn't want to kill Jesus. he probably respected the man because Pilot was no fool and had to be FULLY aware of Jesus and the stir he was causing. Jesus actually made the statement that one should pay their dues to Caesar. Jesus was no threat to Rome, only the Jewish Temple.
Depending on how you see it it is possible that the Jewish Temple wanted him dead BUT BUT BUT the writers of the Bible, THE CATHOLIC CHURCH, have a LONG standing history of Jew Bashing! The real Passion of the Christ (Not Mel Gibson's self indulgent movie) was classic Catholic Jew Bashing.
It is very possible that the Jews were at fault for killing Jesus and the Burning of the Great Temple of Jerusalem lends potential credence to it because the Jews had their era of conquest and blood shed and they dared to challenge Rome after the death of Jesus.

It is very possible that Jesus and Judas were a lot more behind the scenes. Judas loved Jesus more than a blood brother. It was a love felt deep in the soul.

What twisted ways the roads we all travel really are.

Absolutely. Jesus' message was indeed one of enlightenment and not a message of salvation.

I too have studied the Biblical picture in great depth. I was raised as a Christian and at one time considered becoming a preacher myself. However, I was hoping to teach the positive message of Jesus. The message of enlightenment. But clearly that didn't go over very well because even today Christians are totally obsessed with the concept of salvation.

The more I studied the Bible the more I came to realize that Jesus was indeed attempting to teach the philosophy of Buddhism to his peers who were totally submersed in ideals of judgment and punishment. (i.e. they were still stoning sinners to death at that very point in time!)

Jesus tried to get them to move away from that, but they wouldn't hear of it. Jesus was in no way the son of the God of Abraham. He was totally opposed to that whole judgmental mentality.

The God of Abraham was all about judgment, vengence, and punishment.

Jesus was all about non-judgment, turning the other cheek, and forgivness.

Jesus was the anti-thesis of the God of Abraham. It's crystal clear. How anyone can believe that Jesus was the son of the God of Abraham sent as a sacrificial lamb of God is beyond me. Clearly that part of the story was added demagoguery to try to recapture the followers of Jesus and bring them back into the original religion that Jesus himself ultimately denounced.



Absolutely. According to the Bible God favored the Jews, and the political nation of Israel. That should be a red flag right there for anyone who is considering the idea that the Biblical story could be the word of any divine creator of the entire planet earth and all of mankind!

The Bible claims that the Canaanites were all heathens. The Biblical God supposedly instructed his worshipers to murder all of the Canaanites with no mercy, including every man, woman and child.

Of course that wasn't even possible, because the true Canaanites were far too numerous. They were the early basis of what we would today call 'Witches'.

But they were a loving people, and not at all like the Bible describes them to be. We know this now from the bigger picture of history. So clearly the Bible is caught in a red-handed lie.

There's no way that the divine creator of this unviverse would have ever asked one society to murder another. The Bible is nothing more than a manmade God of a people who needed a God to excuse their wrong doigns. If they could murder their enemies in the name of God then they could claim that they were justified in their actions.

That mentality hasn't ceased today.

Christians, Jews, and Muslims are still murdering each other in the name of God to this very day.

It's a train-wrecked religion.

In fact, Christianity, Judaism and Islam are in fact the very same religion. That just goes to show how terribly train-wrecked it truly is!

And LQQK!

It's even derailed to crash into the Witchcraft and Shamanism thread.

That always drove me crazy that there was no reason for the preference of the animal offering over the vegetable offering.

Weird I could no post for a second. They haven't banned me that Im aware of and Ive been a good girl. Hmm.