This experience has made me take a good long at myself and I've discovered that no matter how enlightened I think I am, I am still a bit naive to the folks who are so good at playing on our vulnerabities. I should have paid attention to how uncomfortable it was making me feel and shut it down, without apology, long before I did. So, I'll close the ranks a bit and be a bit more suspicious and less trusting, which goes against the very core of who I am. I realize for my safety it's necessary, but dang it sure is a sad statement about internet dating.

It's a fine line we all learn to walk Robin.

Lil I dated my doll for a month before I got lucky!!!!

I think a good suggestion on this is dont rush it. There is no reason to move quickly on this. If you meet a person online (male or female) and they insist on rush rush rush rush and we have to meet right away, that does not bode well at all. Someone who has dubious intentions will not want to wait around and the idea is to pressure you into making stupid mistakes and letting your guard down.

Think of rationally though. WHy would someone do this over doing what they could do with the money?

Just think about that because what you're saying makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever and yet you're the one with the issue of having stalkers. I wonder why. You don't see problems with people throwing money down the drain for no real reason... I think that could possibly tip someone over the edge... Yep could definately see that.

WHat makes you soo special that it's worth a cruise ship price just to meet you? It doesn't make sense and the people that are doing this don't make sense. You want red flags, here they're. ANyone willing to do these kinds of things has a serious issue whether they're on this forum or not.

11 hours=22 hours 60mph=1300 or so miles? In my car that equals an oil change -15.00 in gas in my car that would be over 100.00. Just travel time alone which is a full day of their life and out 115.00 at the very least oh wait they ate food on the road so now you're talking at least 2 meals if not 3 there's another 50 bucks plus drinks there's another 20 or so you're already at 200.00 before hotel costs and before additional food costs. Anyone willing to do this just to meet someone that isn't a celebrity is really wierd. I don't know anyone who travels that far to see their favorite band myself included *which I have travelled pretty far to see my favorite band play some shows*. Still nowhere near that price and as the price goes up the less fans from across the country come.

Now I could see if they had a business meeting in your state or they had family nearby or whatever but just to meet you that would definately put up a red flag and say hey why is it this person is trying to get to me and they don't care about money whatsoever? Why are they doing it just to meet me and hangout with me? They only know me from the internet and I don't trust them enough to spend the night at my house so they come up with even more money to get here... It's very very very awkward. I'm not saying people don't do it but just look at the situation realistically. That's all I'm saying.

Its not about the money in my opinion. Its about safety concerns. I dont know how else to explain this to you.

For you its all about your worries of not having the cash. You are entitled to that opinion but please refrain from projecting that onto others or criticizing people for having safety issues or concerns or for having a certain set of criteria in order that they feel comfortable meeting someone for the first time.

He was from another planet I think. Dennis

exactly

Squonk: Just like in real life dating takes on as many opinions as there are daters.
Where one couple is fine with a walk, another with meeting for coffee or drinks, another for dinner.
One guy might take a woman to a movie and another to a fine dining establishment, get flowers and whatever.

It's to each his own. Their priorities do not make them weird or 'losers' because they don't agree with you.

Same thing with online dating. One person may agree to have someone in their home and even suggest it. Another wants them to stay in a hotel and some might even want a 2nd person to come along for the first meet.

If a couple has been talking for a long time then the more time, money and trust they invest. The more spending of $$ to accomplish their goal of having a great meet.

I remember when I flew to Boston, not only did he pay for my hotel room but he took me out to a very romantic dinner, fun lunch places and brought me coffee every morning to the hotel. Ya he CAME to the hotel the NEXT morning. lol

It's pretty obvious you don't give much creedence to finding someone you really care about .. your choice. Good luck on here.

Honestly, doesn't sound like you are cut out for internet dating hon.

actually doesn't sound like you are cut out for dating at all

have you thought of switch hitting?

OK.. after a while I just skimmed through the comments because they were general statements about distance/first time meetings/etc deriving from the post topic... points taken on both sides..


but regarding that original post..

I see no reason to be uncomfortable stating that there may not be an attraction and things were not financially settling...considering that he himself appears uncomfortable with his size, yet has no qualms asking to be accomodated.

I actually could not expect someone to blindly accomodate me if I were not comfortable with myself, you know?

If he were confident of his physical stature, the issue would have not even surfaced...

As far as the issue of finance/costs/gas/hotels/staying at the poster's home:
no one should invite themselves to travel if they have no funds to do so...male or female. They'll have to stay local or relagate themselves to simply having online friends...

He was wrong on so many levels bug & not you!!

EXACTLY

How is it about safety? Will someone please please please explain to me how getting a hotel room protects you from a stalker online? Who has your phone number, knows probably your first name, and most likely the city you live in?

To top this off you're going to meet so he's probably going to see your car which =license plate, insurance, and registration, not to mention all of the other little tricks he/she could use to get other information from you. I don't see how this protects anyone whatsoever.

*well he knows where I live.* I think this was funny and I will now state the best reason for this.

On your license, it gives a general idea of either where you used to live or where you live now. You hand over this document to buy alcohol, drinks, cigs, etc. but most importantly you would probably think nothing of it if an internet date asked to see it. He would now know where you live if you still live there. In my case it wouldn't show that but in other people they wouldn't even think twice about it which is my point. We hand total strangers not people we plan on meeting our address, full name, and age on a daily basis expecting them not to use it to *stalk* us. Yet a person you feel totally comfortable with enough to hangout with is denied this information to being feared of stalked hahahaha. You're beyond unreasonable in my opinion. I'm not saying you should go ahead and give everyone your address or phone number. I also don't think everyone in the world is welcome at your house, but seriously you still haven't shown me how the guy from the club who took you home or the cab driver is any safer if not worse off.

If a person is truly a psycho, then they have other methods of finding you rather than thinking you're sitting behind a device that totally protects you. Him being at a nearby hotel doesn't protect you I on't see how this protects you at all. If someone would please explain to me how this protects someone, I'd really love to hear it.

Money doesn't buy happiness and you're dates of a *romantic dinner* psh hahahahaha. YOu ****ING EAT 3X A DAY AND HAVE DINNER EVERY SINGLE DAY OF YOUR LIFE! If that is a date you have serious serious serious issues. If you think eating is a date that's even a bigger issue. I laugh at you because you have no originality at all.

Movie probably the biggest form of entertainment in a humans life. Something they do on a daily basis is watch either tv or a movie. Little kids go on these dates because it gets them away from their parents and their parents home. Movies aren't dates in my opinion. It is a typical daily routine activity. If your life revolves around *dates* consisting of a dinner and a movie you're pathetic. Especially if you're spending well over 200.00 to do this.

*typical dinner is about 100.00 between two people at a nice restaurant, typical movie late night might cost around 60 dollars.* YOu've just spent 160.00 to do what you do every single day of your life. You really know how to have a good time.

If you don't like dinner and movie dates, that's fine. But why call others pathetic for not having the same interests that you do?

Really. You have been asked by at least two members now not to criticize the safety precautions that others feel are necessary to take. I am a female and you have NO IDEA what any of my past life experiences entail so therefore you can not inform me that I should be doing this or not doing that.

We all realize that you do not have the money to afford travel or a hotel room. Its beating a dead horse.

Whether I had the money or not, I still wouldn't meet someone for that large of a sum. That's just ridiculous. I've done my fair share of travelling across country from WV-to houston, from NJ to Austin, from NJ to MD from.

I don't care what other people ask. I asked a simple question how does a hotel room prevent a potential psychopath/stalker help protect you? I would just like to know that.

I just don't see how sitting down to do something that I have to do every single day is a date because a member of the same sex or opposite sex is with me.

When you live together and you cook each night is it a date? Does it only count when you go out? Do my 3 roommates date me everynight when we all sit down to dinner? Am I dating my children *if I had any*? It's pathetic! It's such a crazy idea that this would even be considered romantic at all. I have no idea who came up with this logic but whoeever did and instilled it into the mindless drones of society clearly it worked! Still though I don't fall victim to something I've done since I was born. Did my mom date me everynight that she cooked me food for dinner, breakfast and lunch? 3 dates a day damn I'm racking em up now.

Don't get me wrong, it's really nice when people cook for me like for instance my roommates may make a dinner and invite me to eat with them but I am not dating them. If I make a dinner for my three roommates they're not dating me if they eat it. Does my boss or corporation date me when they pay for lunch? It's too funny I'm sorry.

I just don't see how it's a *date* especially if you go well we went out to eat and money bought us food from this really nice place but weren't alone. We were constantly being stared at by the waiter or the waitress and the busboys.. Freaky if you ask me.

You seem to be unable to express your opinions without calling others pathetic or criticizing them. You have to realize that other people will have different opinions than you do.

You are entitled to this opinion. However you are a male and a separate entity than myself. We are ALL in fact different human beings with vastly diverse backgrounds, experiences and safety concerns. I DONT CARE what you would do. It does not change what I feel is necessary in order to ensure my safety on an initial meeting. Most men have very little problem with paying for their own expenses when traveling.