Krisma I totally agree. I want a guy that can cover his own trips. If not, keep it movin.

Never again .. just regret I was ever stupid enough in the first place

And I've had times where the split is that I fly and they put me up in a hotel or they pay for the tix and I get my own room.

It's just not worth it on the internet. Period.

I agree with that. I feel the same way.

You're joking right? I've dated a boatload of LDR guys who have spent WAYYYYY over that. A stock broker from the NYME for one. Another in Boston. Another New Yorker. Losers? Not by ANY standard .. they were incredible guys who showed me a great time.

I've never heard someone call a guy a loser who happens to have a great job, is financially secure and has class.



I HAVE on the other hand met a # of 'losers' who expected me to pitch or give them a room or whatever. That just doesn't float my boat.

Yes I agree. What people seem to be forgetting here is that if the man decides he wants to come visit you, then if he really is dead set on doing that, he will find a way financially to bring that to fruition. He will also observe all precautionary restrictions you decide to place on the meeting.

If he argues, then chances are he was either planning to perpetrate some sort of disagreeable act or else he is just financially strapped and not able to provide for his OWN travel.

The woman is not benefiting from this in the least. He is paying for his own room and is not buying anything for her.

Weight is not so much of the issue to me, its the pressure of meeting someone in an uncomfortable situation. That's not ok to be put in a position that you do not want but the other person wants you to. That's good to say no to.

As to the weight thing...How many people that are obese really like to admit that they are obese?
And look at all the anorexic people out there who claim to be obese or 'just a few pounds overweight' when they are really like 30 lbs underweight? Is it fair to really judge them and call them liars based on their insecurities?

Nice thing about splitting it .. everyone wins.

I like to go visit a guy in his hometown. See places like NYC (my fav =) or Boston or Chicago .. whatever.

But I want the tix paid for then and I get the hotel. That way I know they are serious.

I don't expect a guy to pay for it all but honestly I'm done with guys that can't afford their own way.

Nevah again. Nope, nope, nope.

If someone from NY paid 500 dollars just to meet you, they're losers in life. I'm from Jersey/NY and there is soo many better things to do there with 500 bucks in my pocket than to meet someone from the internet. Before I had my car though and before I had some serious cash yeah I see why I did what I did because I didn't have anything else better to do. However, 500 bucks is a decent party/really fun time.

There is no way in this world that I would spend 500 to go meet someone rather than go to disney world, a road trip or shows or a cruise. There's no way. Rich people maybe 500 isn't that much and since they think people will be impressed from other places by what they spend versus the people in NJ/NY yeah I could see that. Money grubbers really exist there.

Sqounk we are going to have to just agree to disagree on this one as you seem to be hell bent on turning the issue towards money when I get the impression that most if not all of the women on thread are viewing it in terms of their own safety.

You are also a younger man and perhaps $500 does sound like an awful lot of money to you. I dont know. Im giving you the benefit of the doubt in that respect

Good luck.

The men I met who spent that and more were guys I'd gotten to KNOW. We'd spent months chatting on line, on the phone, etc.. there were feelings involved. It's obvious you are looking at this from a very different perspective than I have done at the time.

And ya these men have/had $$. I could care less about material things but for them it was nothing. Obviously their $$ didn't make or break the deal since I'm still single.

The POINT was they had it to spend and were willing to in order to determine what we had on line might go further to in person.

A potential LTR is worth soooooooooooo very much more than $500. Someday you'll realize that.

if you're not ready to pay your own way and cover your own expenses then you're not ready for internet dating

Most people here seem to believe that the safety and chance-taking is all on the part of the woman. Is it not a fair statement to say that the man may be taking just as much of a chance? After all, he's the one forking over the cash (taking into consideration that most women refuse to be the first to make the trip), and he's also taking the chance that the woman may not be turn out to be as nice as he originally thought. He's taking just as much of a chance as she is. One does not negate the other, nor is one more important than the other. Naturally, unless previously discussed otherwise, the visiting person should be responsible for their own lodgings if they are not going to be staying at the visitee's home. By the same token, if your relationship has progressed to the point of meeting and spending any reasonable amount of time together (say, a weekend), one would likely assume that they are comfortable enough with each other to co-exist for that time under the same roof. If you don't trust each other, then you probably have no business trying to work out a relationship with each other, either.

Right.

I'm looking at it realistically of what else I could do for the weekend with the amount of money. A normal person who isn't blind, infatuated to the point that they can't rationalize things, or have a life without their significant other which clearly isn't very significant since there is absolutely no form of trust. Dating does involve money I won't say that it doesn't but to spend 500 and not do anything besides meet that's just INSANE! It's not normal for a person to do that, that is my point. It has nothing to do with changing my mind about fear or insecurity or safety because I've yet to hear how this protects anyone from anything.

For example you talk on the phone... Someone has a number... Did you know I could get your address from just a phone number? Does that scare you a little more? :). Not to mention you have an assigned IP address that also tells you your address. How do you think the police are able to track criminal activity online? The best part about this is, the people who have their email address through their service provider only make it even easier to access. It's not just me that knows how to do this, I mean if you're talking about a stalker and some psycho, I'm pretty sure they know and will be going through the ends of hell to complete whatever sick mission is inside of their head. I don't see the point of a hotel at all except to have crazy sex in a luxurious sweet. That is the only thing that I see. Or you don't want your date to see how ****ed up you live one of those 2 come to my mind. I don't see how it protects you at all or protects the other person. I just don't see it, but maybe if you actually said how it protects you *other than well he could try and rape me if he had access to my room with the door locked...* Ugh! It's pathetic is what it is that's all I see.

I mean we have weapons inside of our house, we have mace, we have pepper spray, we have locked doors and the only thing you could come up with is he *knows my address*. You're online talking on an internet forum, EVERYONE KNOWS YOUR ADDRESS if they care. No one cares.

dang it Robin .. another winning statement

You're Just the BOMB-DIGGITY

Ive had a guy spend quite a bit more than $500 and never even bat an eye. He wanted to meet me, I agreed. He also was considerate of all of my concerns. I wanted for nothing and he never made me feel uncomfortable. These men exist. In fact many are on this forum. Ive been talking to a gentleman for a couple months now that is willing to drive over 11 hours and get a room.

......How about them lakers?

Honestly Squonk. For me it's not just about safety. And yes .......... all of us KNOW about tracking people with phone #'s and IP addys.

Personally, I take risks in meeting people just by getting on a plane and flying to a strange city and getting a hotel in order to connect.

What I think is sad is your statement that you'd spend $500 on all kinds of other entertainment .. but a relationship isn't worth it? A PERSON isn't worth it?

See some of us on here actually have developed LTR's from online to inperson. This isn't about $$ spent on us, or them .. it's about exploring possibilities that may turn into true love someday.

One of the guys posting to this thread was one of them .. Robin (aka Quiet) and if he and Lisa (Paper) wouldn't have considered meeting and the $$ it costs to do so (she lives in Canada, he in the US) IMPORTANT .. they wouldn't be together now. End of story.

Right. People are also taking statements totally out of context in order to create drama and an argument. Not ONE female on this thread has made the comment that "men have nothing at risk" on a first meeting. What has been said is that STATISTICALLY women are more vulnerable to men and PHYSICAL attack.

very true Krimsa ..