So, I was talkin to a guy from another site. In our first phone conversation he started talking about meeting, which I was fine with, however, he lives 3 hours away from me and wanted to spend a few days here, but did not want to pay the cost of a hotel room....so in other words, he wanted to stay with me. I have one bedroom and no couch, I have a love seat and a recliner, so I got the feeling he wanted to hop in the sack right away. I felt like he was assuming a lot and felt like I was being pushed into something I was not ready for and may not even want at all. Meeting for the first time, for me, does not involve more than a few hours together and certainly not an overnight.

Second, he started out saying he was a 'few pounds' overweight. None of his profile pics had a pic that showed anything below his chin. As we talked further, he said he was considered 'obese'. I'm thinkin, hold the phone here, there's a stretch between a 'few pounds' and obese, but he wouldn't provide any other pics or get on cam. So I just told him I was not comfortable with an overnight stay, let alone a few days on the first meeting and I felt like he wasn't being honest about his weight and that in likelihood I probably wasn't going to be physically attracted to him. Now, I sorta feel like a heel for being so blunt with him. I really did not intend to hurt his feelings, but overall I felt like we weren't going to be a good match and to have him drive all this way before I told him seemed rather foolish. Honestly, I felt like I was bein back into a corner to agree to something I wasn't comfortable with. So, was this guy the jerk, or was I?

I don't know if anyone was a jerk or not, but he wasn't quite honest about his weight or intentions. And you were feeling pushed and pressured. I think you did the right thing

No reason to feel like a heel, you were honest about things when he was not. I think you did the right thing.

Thanks, michigan. I really try to be honest and at the same time, not hurt people. I felt like I probably would have handled this better if I hadn't been feelin pushed.

Thanks, Eileen. I just hate the idea that I might have come off as shallow, which is just not my nature. I have a brother who is morbidly obese, over 400 pounds, he has been all his life and I saw the cruelty he endured. I hate the thought that I might have hurt someone.

Hmmmmmmmmm I would not have mentioned his weight in the conversation but would have said something about the overnighter.

That was all him, it's a good thing you put your foot down towards the end. For someone to just invite themselves in your own home is shameful on there part. For next time sakes, if they appear to be all "head shots" or if photos don't seem current. I'd just ask for a current one with at least some torso

There is nothing wrong with being equally matched and one shouldn't have to settle.

So, good on you

Yeah, in hindsight, it probably would have been a better way to handle it.

I have been in a similar situation, with the man not giving me all the facts or sugar-coating things until I confronted him about stories not adding up. It is better that you told him now and not after he drove out to meet you, some scary people out there.

Thanks! BTW...Welcome!

Well, first phone conversation, first date..... does not equal a overnight\few day stay at your place. Irregardless of the weight issues.

Fck em and feed em fishheads.....

Yeah, the dishonesty makes this so much more difficult, not to mention disheartening than it has to be. It's hard enough to get connected with folks and when ya finally do, ya hope they're being sincere.

Thanks...I needed the giggle!

I've met a number of people through the internet over the years. I've flown half way across the country to spend time with them on our very first meeting.

My intentions weren't to get into the sack right away but you never know what will happen once you two are together. You don't plan sex it happens..

If someone was being sketchy about their weight though yikes... I don't play games like that. I don't like sketchy people to begin with. If it's not open I usually just end the conversation right then and there. Unless like I am really digging their personality and they're able to keep maintaining a conversation.

I do think it takes time to get to know someone though. I wouldn't jump into meeting them after one conversation. Remember this is the internet and not everyone tells the truth on here or on the phone for that matter. I believe it takes time and I don't think I'd ever ask to meet someone after one conversation.. I think that would be a little too fast. I mean I might say wow you seem awesome maybe sometime in the future we could meet up but not like tomorrow hahaha.

I worked with a woman 12 years ago who said this regularly and haven't ever heard the expression again...
Wow! What a blast from the past!

Maybe they dated... dun dun dun

Or had a fish fry

You did the right thing, Robbi. Honesty is always the best policy, even if it hurts, and it usually does, especially in today's world because so many people are afraid of the truth. You know me. I've always been a straight shooter, regardless of the repercussions. Granted, my diplomacy skills ain't that great, but at least I get the point across. If feelings get hurt, then so be it. You MUST be honest with yourself in order to be honest with anybody else.

That alone sends up red flags. I refuse to compromise my safety for the sake of meeting any menfolk. That would apply to both real life first introductions or on the internet. You have to ask why can he not afford a hotel room for a few days? Its creepy.