100% FREE ONLINE DATING
sponsored links
Previous
| Topic: First Date Etiquette | |
|---|---|
|
|
|
I disagree Fran. You should give those little nervous guys a little extra time.
Nerves have nothing to do with a willingness to move forward. A person can still have reservations about a situation, and want to go ahead and "try it out." Nervousness is the defense of the wary heart. It's what happens when confidence has been eroded, and a person goes from an agressive stance to a more defensive posture. A willingness to move on yes, a willingness to get beat around like a speedbag at the gym, no. No one has problems when a woman uses caution, we all think that is prudent. If a man does it, is it not also prudent? Only men are not allowed to show this caution outwardly, it, by societial constrains, must be taken inward. That is where the nerves truly kick in. And that's why so many of the so called "nice guys" finish last. It's not a readiness thing, it's a confidence thing. However all of the above was  Of course I think Lilith's guy isn't a keeper, the answer to that was in the eyes, and the fact he wasn't making contact. Justme probably needs to run as fast as she can from the McDonalds groper though!! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
told him that this wasnt the place for this and I feel very uncomfortable. Then I said my daughter is waiting for me and I have to go now. Said g'night and left. So, we can expect another 'Why Do Nice Guys Finish Last' thread sometime today?  They just don't get it, do they ...  Hey now... as a bona fide ex-nice guy (thanks for the jacket).... I can say that I don't think making out at McDonalds on a first (or really ANY) date, is standard operating procedure.. or at least it's not in the 'nice guy' handbook. Ah, but the brand of 'nice' that starts those threads would see this his actions as 'chivalrous' ... you're the OTHER kind of 'nice', TK -- ya know, the legit kind, biiiig difference!  Well if I were a nice guy I'd say something like 'Aww gee, thanks!' ... and then I'd have to give you a slug and tell you to stop bein' a wussy! 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Thank goodness, now all I have to do is ask all my future dates if they have the nice guy handbook.  Well yeah! You really have to ask the right questions.... Hang in there. Well now how about that, all along it was me asking the wrong questions.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Justme probably needs to run as fast as she can from the McDonalds groper though!! done, blocked him also. 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Okay.... I had a date last night. The guy brought up his ex three times in the first 45 minutes. This included telling me they broke up in January and he was "devastated" and "physically ill". He was "lost" and she just "walked away"..... I know more about her than I ever cared to. Why do people feel the need to talk about their exes on the first date? I mean I can understand the whole why are you single thing, and a brief conversation/explanation, but really! More importantly, why do people date before they are over their ex? It is infuriating. The date had other problems, but he did not seem to notice. I heard the old I don't watch TV or listen to mainstream radio line... I don't keep up with current events. When he asked me out again, he did not even look me in the eye. We were standing outside, I'm looking right at him, and he is totally avoiding looking at me. WTH???? sounds like the dude is too cheap to go to a therapist.... 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Yes, I'd bet. He still attends college and has yet to get his BA.
I might throw out there that colleges usually have free counseling centers for students. 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I am not giving nor taking time away time from anyone. I can understand all take different lengths of time to heal. It's an internal dilemna.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I'm talking about the burden to impress, like in conversation, making her laugh, being witty, giving off good impressions... you ladies just have to look good and be pleasant.... definitely harder for a man I would think. ^^ Truly NO offense intended here, but if I were to EVER feel the "burden to impress" on a date, or any other scenario...do me a favor and SHOOT ME!!  I mean really...while it's very cliche to state, but just BE YOURSELF! This is the precise reason (IMHO)...that folks start out one way and then the infamous "self" appears down the road and someone is standing back, scratching their head muttering..."WOW, he/she sure did CHANGE". Yes of course, I agree... I'm just saying that most men feel as though they have to step up when they go on first dates... not saying it's a good thing |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I'm talking about the burden to impress, like in conversation, making her laugh, being witty, giving off good impressions... you ladies just have to look good and be pleasant.... definitely harder for a man I would think. ^^ Truly NO offense intended here, but if I were to EVER feel the "burden to impress" on a date, or any other scenario...do me a favor and SHOOT ME!! I mean really...while it's very cliche to state, but just BE YOURSELF! This is the precise reason (IMHO)...that folks start out one way and then the infamous "self" appears down the road and someone is standing back, scratching their head muttering..."WOW, he/she sure did CHANGE". Yes of course, I agree... I'm just saying that most men feel as though they have to step up when they go on first dates... not saying it's a good thing |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I only posted that once
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
tngxl65
on
Fri 07/25/08 08:43 AM
|
|
Fran~ Exactly. What in the world is there to be nervous about? You are who you are, you need to just be yourself and if the person likes you, great. If not, move on. But to be so wrapped up n nerves that it changes who you are and how you act? Please. I mean he has had jobs, right? A job interview should be ten million times more stressful and nervewracking than a date. A job interview is much harder than a first date. It's not personal. Even the most confident and secure of men can get a little nervous when putting themselves out there, especially around a woman that they really do want to like them. Now you may not want a man that gets nervous on a first date but you'll eliminate a lot of perfectly secure and good men if so. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
A job interview is much harder than a first date. It's not personal. Even the most confident and secure of men can get a little nervous when putting themselves out there, especially around a woman that they really do want to like them. Now you may not want a man that gets nervous on a first date but you'll eliminate a lot of perfectly secure and good men if so. There is a difference between caring and being a bit anxious, sort of nervous excited.... with being actually nervous. I want a man who knows who they are and acts it. In no way should I ever have to be disrespected enough that I'm not looked in the eye when I'm talking. It was terrible.... and lasted for several minutes. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
A job interview is much harder than a first date. It's not personal. Even the most confident and secure of men can get a little nervous when putting themselves out there, especially around a woman that they really do want to like them. Now you may not want a man that gets nervous on a first date but you'll eliminate a lot of perfectly secure and good men if so. There is a difference between caring and being a bit anxious, sort of nervous excited.... with being actually nervous. I want a man who knows who they are and acts it. In no way should I ever have to be disrespected enough that I'm not looked in the eye when I'm talking. It was terrible.... and lasted for several minutes. NO NO NO, I understand your situation was NOT one of these, lol. This guys was definately not a keeper... at least in whatever state he's currently in. I agree, even a nervous guy can make eye contact, be polite, have a meaningful conversation about SOMETHING and be respectful. I'm just saying that sometimes the first date isn't the best measure of who a guy really is. I wouldn't give this guy another thought. But if you have a first date, kinda like the guy but think he was a bit nervous, give him another look. He might impress you. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I don't want a guy to impress me!
Really. I just want them to have manners and be respectful to themselves and to me. Nervous is okay, but delibilating nervousness is not hot. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Okay.... I had a date last night. The guy brought up his ex three times in the first 45 minutes. This included telling me they broke up in January and he was "devastated" and "physically ill". He was "lost" and she just "walked away"..... I know more about her than I ever cared to. Why do people feel the need to talk about their exes on the first date? I mean I can understand the whole why are you single thing, and a brief conversation/explanation, but really! More importantly, why do people date before they are over their ex? It is infuriating. The date had other problems, but he did not seem to notice. I heard the old I don't watch TV or listen to mainstream radio line... I don't keep up with current events. When he asked me out again, he did not even look me in the eye. We were standing outside, I'm looking right at him, and he is totally avoiding looking at me. WTH???? Yeah - absolutely sounds like he isn't ready to date yet. I just don't get why a guy would talk about their exes??? |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sadly enough most people think they know what others want and expect. Like you I dont need to be impressed by anything in particular save a persons character and outlook on life.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
So RO can you explain why people give the whole I don't watch TV or listen to mainstream radio line. It is such a line. I don't watch much TV. that's the truth & what else am I going to say when someone wants to talk about thier favorite soap opera or reality show? I spend my spare time outside, on the computer or reading. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
So RO can you explain why people give the whole I don't watch TV or listen to mainstream radio line. It is such a line. I don't watch much TV. that's the truth & what else am I going to say when someone wants to talk about thier favorite soap opera or reality show? I spend my spare time outside, on the computer or reading. No.... This was an ADAMANT denial the TV had been turned on, ever, in the past five months. And before that, it was only for the Weather Channel or the History Channel. And the FM radio thing, I'm sorry but I need to hear the traffic in my car a lot while on my way to work. FM Radio and TV watching does not make a person any 'less'. JMO (Not saying you thought so, but it is in the tone of people who claim no TV or radio) |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sadly enough most people think they know what others want and expect. Like you I dont need to be impressed by anything in particular save a persons character and outlook on life. Well I hope I didn't give that impression. I certainly have no idea what she wants or expects. And as far as being impressed, I think we're dealing in semantics. I was referring to being impressed by the difference between his comfort level on the first vs. the second date. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Tng~
There is NO second date if the guy is so nervous on the first date he cannot behave like a mature adult. |
|
|
|
|
