tn - I was referring to Liliths post of not giving it that much importance.

Impress me by being yourself all the time, as time is the only thing we shall never recoup

Lol... I GOT IT! And he shouldn't get one in that case. I was discussing the more general 'Men can be nervous on a first date thing' IT DOESN'T APPLY TO YOUR DATE or any date like it, lol. Your date was a walking disaster! Want me to call him a rat bastard and have him flogged? I can do that, lol. PLEASE DON'T SEE HIM AGAIN!

No, I definitely will not see him again. I am so not a masochist in that arena.

I'm trying to get all the readers to see that being nervous on a date is serious detriment, and why.

I have been anxious myself, in the past. Not really anymore though, after all the bad ones over and over.

I think my date was just clueless, really. Which is sad, as I think he was bright in his own OCD and meticulously persnickity way.... (whole other story as to why date was bad)....

Sounds like fun

Sounds to me like both of you are better off without.

(((Fade)))

It was awesome, I wish we could have done a double date....

I don't get it either

I hope your next date goes much better

I envy him though , He got to have a date with ya

Luis....
I hope my next date goes better too. I'd go out with you any day...

What made you go out with him in the first place?

Brush your shoulder off and move on,

... I certainly would with you too

He was interesting and seemed very bright. We had chatted in mails and on the phone.

Thanks. Luis. I will pretend I'm on a date with you tonight....

Sweet! I got a big smile on my face now

You're welcome

Some people really need to take a break from dating after a long relationship has broken up. I don't know about you but I don't want to be anyone's "rebound relationship".

The first date is supposed to be airport talk. It's general. It's finding out mutual interests, similar experiences, and other interesting things about this new person. Most of all, the first date is to help you decide if you want a second date with this person.

Talking a lot about past relationships on the first date is very uncool. It shows you still haven't gotten over "them".

You can quickly cover the basics of past relationships on the first date - I was married (X Times), I have (X number) of children, my ex and I (have/don't have) a good relationship, it's been (X months) since I had a real relationship. That's about all that's necessary.

Your guy spending all this time talking about his past relationship was a waste of your time. If he couldn't look you straight in the eye to ask you out a second time it shows he has issues you don't even want to explore. Dump him and move on.

Thank you, searches. Great post!

Any men willing to talk about the ex factor on first dates?

No! And hell no! But an interesting thread would be "what and when to tell the person you're dating about your ex"

What's funny is when the person I'm with on a first date want's to talk about my ex. I'm a little leary of being lead down that road too.

No, I ask about the ex.... I do. I want to know if you are ready. It is a sort of test, I suppose.

What I'm looking for: How long single, over relationship, still talk, are you going to bash them? Long story short.

Basically, I want a overview, bullet point quick stuff. Example, "I was married for three years and have one child. We divorced six years ago and I've had a few relationships since then. My last relationship ended about four months ago, lasted six months, and I learned we were just not compatible. I've had some funny Internet dates, how about you?"

The way I read it he brought her up three times as he could not think of what to say. He turned to a topic he knew all about and could discuss at length. He could not talk current events or TV as he doesn't know about such things.

Everything fits in with his nervousness. I think the bartender thing of him making faces was unprofessional. "told the bartender the deal to keep an eye out." He never stood much of a chance even before the date started, did he? Maybe that was too harsh, he had points against him before the date even started, is that fair to say?

Not being critical, it didn't work out but why is it that hard for you to find a match? I keep hearing the same thing from other women. You aren't alone. I can see your mind clicking as the date starts like a referee in a boxing match. Have you ever just experienced another date without being judgmental until it was all over? Is it really that bad out there?

I want you to meet someone Lilith and be happy. I hope you don't take it any other way. You are engaging and you should not find things this hard. I know most guys are jerks. Still I would think your net would have pulled in something good by this time. You know how to filter people through written communication. (You think I'm a good person right? ) I just think there must be something up with how you are doing this Lilith. I wish I knew what it was and I don't want to turn you into someone who doubts themselves as your confidence is wonderful. Maybe it is that dooming them before they even start. Maybe it is all those past losers and the comparisons that go on through out your date. Maybe it is your pre-screening.

My advice is to change things up. You are doing the same things and getting into a rut. Take along a video camera next time and film the date like you were on 20/20. Let's see what really goes on....actually I wonder if recording a date and playing it back later would be revealing to you.

Here's an idea for a date. Grab 50 dollars and head to an Indian casino. There is more security there than at a bar so you will feel safe. The moment you park your car will be watched. You don't have to talk all the time with him. You will both be engaged in some other activity that will help keep your mind off of the date. Expect to lose the 50 dollars and try to have fun. Going to a bar or having coffee? It isn't working out there.

Destiny~

Hmmm. I don't gamble. There is no casino in the state I live in, anyhow. If there was, no way would I ever go there. Videotaping? That would be great for a nervous guy... put him right at ease.

I told the bartender that I was meeting a blind date, an Internet date. He was not being set up for anything, but rather I had the bartender watch for my physical safety. The looks thing, well, he was joking around. It was after dude was so rude and awkward about not paying for my drink. Of course the bartender is going to think that was rude, as did I. I thought it was funny, the looks.

I have had some good dates, just with no chemistry. But mostly this is what I encounter. I certainly go in with no expectations, just the hopes of having fun.

This is what is out there. I have had great dates that did not like me, or those that seemed good at first and only after I saw things. So the answer to your question is yes, I can be non judgemental. But the ex factor? That is not at all negotiable or excusable, even if you find it explainable.

I will pretend I did not read the part about where you insinuated I am making this happen or being overly critical. Each person I meet is an opportunity, always. I have about a date a month, and I think a drink or coffee is perfect. No way am I getting stuck in an activity. I just want some light conversation to see if an actual planned activity date is warranted.

I do appreciate your feedback... but obviously am rejecting it. Sorry.

Take care Lilith.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_AkdjGrLYQ

Your sorry eyes cut through the bone
Make it hard to leave you alone
Leave you here wearing your wounds
Waving your guns at somebody new

There's too many people you used to know
They see you coming, they see you go
They know your secrets, and you know theirs
This town is crazy, nobody cares

I'm tired of fighting, I'm tired of fighting
Fighting for a lost cause
There's a place you are going
You ain't never been before
No one laughing at your back now
No one's standing at your door
That's what you thought love was for