never been, but it cant be much worse than the nut ward

Welcome home. I know the feeling.

Don't kill anyone. But then if you did, you'd have three squares a day, free housing, all the sex you could want and get off cuz you're nuts like the rest of us.......

Hi

What!? Almost and hour and no posts, hmmmmmmm

hey amber/roy/anyone else?, love the new pic.....hope things are rolling for ya. Been in the hospital, and almost landed myself there again. Been going through withdrawl and in just a few days I seemed to piss off and disown two people in my family.

Had terrible trouble trying to get meds after that. Had to so without for 5 days before i went in and then they sent me home with a script that couldnt be filled and did another 4 days of withdrawl. Felt like a fukcing junkie. Very degrading and dehumanizing. I hate meds but unfortunately I have to take them. I got manic and loaned out money I didnt have, lost a friend who turned out to be a terrib;e liar and user. I aiant holding my breath to get the money back. I did demand it back though.

Just me being stupid and feeling sorry for people and thier lies. Everytime I try to help someone I pull back a bloody stump.

He's so pissed at me for calling him out on his lies and catching him that he has threatened to have me evicted. I dont think the landlord is going to give up a good tenant like me over someone elses personal problems. He is the one that does all the work on the houses for the landlord who live far away. Thinks he owns these places. PFTTTTTT!!!!!!!

I have way more important things to deal with thn this ****. Still stings $800 down the tube.

(((amber))) sorry you are going though all this sh!t Hon. I know what it is like to leave in a hurry with only what you can carry

it sucks but try to stay positive. they may not be thinking of money at all. try not to be so negative about that until you really know. dont set yourself up for a self fufilling prophecy.......

HUGS!!!!!!!

BP here. Tough to live with. Im too exausting to live with, but i hate the stigma.......it is unfair. There are higher and lower tiers of it and some are worse than others. Higher and lower functioning people. Sorry for those who have had to deal with and coudnt the higher tiers of people. I know it was hard. Then there are peole like me who are semi functioning. Right in the middle. Very hard to kno whats wrong, have to make yourself behave and take your meds. It's ok though. I have come to terms with it, but it is still very hard and I avoid telling the wrong people. You start to be able to tell who you think can handle it and who can't. Still sucks when you get to know someone you like them and get along well andthen they screw you cuz you're BP. Two edged sword.

There is a reason for everything Roy. I dunno what the hell it is , but Im waiting to find out. In the mean time I think Ill try to find something I can do for a change. School is great and I even made the Dean's List, but now that I bumped my head last month I aint right anymore. So I have to figure out what to do next. Enjoy the time you have with her. You're doing fine.

chirp chirp chirp

Im back form the hospital. DUnno really if it did much good. I thought at first it was but then as I was leaveing they pulled a bunch if crap with my meds and sh!t. Oh well at leadt Im not a zombie anymore.

Hi everyone! Where is everybody!?

Thank you everyone for your words of kindness......not much has happened. I'll try again tomorrow. I wish I had the nerve to tell all whats been happening but this is a public forum and what has been happening is not what I'd want announced, but thank you again. Hopefuly a bed tomorrow.

Update: called the hospital. They have no beds open at this time. Does anyone know if it is the full moon?

4 effing wings and no beds. Have to keep calling in to find out if they have one. If I go in and they don't have a bed, they will send to a place where men jack off in there rooms and others use sh!t to draw pictures.

Who the hell knows how long it will be before a bed is available and I have run out of meds

Im trying to be resposible and its like

checking into the hospital tomorrow. Gonna do a vol assesment. Thay will most likely keep me.

I would say more but Im araid someone will interfere. Im scared and hurt by a couple of guys who have taken advantge of me.

Things have been rough and I can't seem to cope with them anymore. I have to drop my fall semster classes. Im devistated.

That was and is my life and now with the head injury, well i just can't remember ****. Whats the point of going to school and finding you cant remember anything. I have notetakers takes but can't use them during tests.

It's like

Sighhhhhhhh, ugh, men.......... Fukck this this.

Sometimes, no matter how much you try to get past the flinch, you never really get past it. It made me grow up an untrusting soul, but my real nature is empathy. Hard to combine the two. I have been working on the pride thing. that is a hard one. All these things combined can make for a bit of a crazy personality.

I want to help but Im scared and if someone tries to help I push them away. I can't win. Don't tell me to go to therapy. Im sick of telling the same worn out story of my life and all the stupis ass things they say to do that are supposed ot help.

Just give me my meds, let me sleep and leave me alone. I let two people hurt me very badly lately. I have sent them both letters to leave me be and dont come around me.

I cant go into all the pariculars as they are too much to bear, but suffice it to say, I will have to learn to deal with this fo the rest of my life. The most recent at this time is the worst and i feel alone and discusted.

Life just can't be what we want it to be all the time. Unfortunately, bad things happen. Ive been told this is all my fault. So I will crawl under my blankie and try to sleep it off for as long as I can.

I feel so fukcing trapped.

(((amber))), sometimes, it is better to relax before you vent. I know it is hard. You have no idea the things I would love to vent, but this is the internet and you have to realize that not everyone is going to understand.

I know I have to check myself into the hospital soon. Freind of mines GF tried to commit suicide and he was chicken **** to call so I did. He told he and now she wants to kill me. Problem is that she is at the same facility I need to do my vol assement. I know they will keep me for a few days, but she is there till friday and she has been giving them hell. She is explosive and I cant go in if she is there. Yeah I know. She wouldnt know who I am but it wouldnt take a brain sergon to figure it out.

So I wait here. I have to get this **** taken care of with the car and money and house before I do anything anyway. They are supposed to let her out tomorrow.

I still have to let a freind take my car to have the air checked. He swears there is nothign wrong with it, and that if there is he can fix it. I hope so, but that means i cant do anything until after Monday at the very least.

I promised my Dr that I would check in if I got bad. Im bad. Real bad. Sighhhh

No air they messed up and now nothing works.....can't prove it. Have to take it all over the fukcing place to have all the thing swrong fixed and spending all my money.......wont be enough left to do what I wanted......assh0les

What is today, but yesterdays tomorrows?

Like the icon says, "I love my computer. All my friends live in it."

(((roy))) this reminds me of the saying, " never mistake my kindness for weakness" Keep up the good work!

(((Marie))) I called the Dr and he will see me thursday afternoon. They already did a CT the night it happened at the hospital and they said everything was good.

I went to the Dr in the first place because of this and ended up getting a full physical which was ok, since I havent had one in years, but he said he wanted to wait for my records from the hospital to see what they said. I cant wait that long.

They said if it gets worse, I can come back in, so I made the appt. Then yesterday a friend took me to drop off my car to the mechanic, then we went to the store came back dropped off the stuff and drove to the bank.

When he dropped me off I said we need to get the stuff out of the trunk. He told me we already had. He said I had been acting strange all day and that he noticed the difference. He knows what has been going on. This kind of stuff has been going on and getting worse by the week. I forget the month days years names times conversations people and what Ive said to them etc....scary

Well, that scared me so I called Dr and will ask for an MRI. If they cant figure out what is going on and it doest get better, I will have to sit this semester out.

Good news is that the car got the belt, coolant flush and service and no problem with the breaks, struts, or ait conditioner. I have air conditioning! Whoo hooo

With record 100's I finally have a car with air. No leaks just contaminated freon. They sucked it out and put fresh in and whoo whoo!

I might have some gage problems so I asked them to check it out and left the car there for them to check out. It could also be a sensor/s....

So Im happy about my car and discusted about my health. I really thought I was ok. Scared this might be a case of early alzhiemers. It does happen. So Ive taken to carrying a note book around with me. Ive had trouble with my memory for years, but nothing thi bad. Ive had a couple of strokes in my life so I just thought it was that. But this definately has somthing to do with my fall.