Merry Christmas. I bah humbug a lot but keep in mind what the reason for the season is. God has seen fit to answer my prayers and my family has provided most of the money I need to buy my books for this semester. So I can go back to school

I still have to get out of this funk Im in and although x-mas always makes me depressed and angry, I think I can whip it this year. My best friend, his son and me are going to see my parents and my lil bro and his GF are going to be there. They live in Oregon. Will be nice to see them again. For a hermit that is a big deal haha.

As for the rest of my problems, well I'm putting those on hold if I can. I think the only thing that is bothering me so much is the agoraphobia. Just knowing I have to go out today, even with a friends and family is making me sick. Once Im out I think it isnt as bad if I have someone with me. So I should be able to get through this day.

Everyone have a wonderful X-mas! Lub ya's!

Yes Roy, I guess I am still grieving about what happened to me. I really thought after a few months this would get easier but everytime I have to or think about going to court again, I feel freaked out. Doc put me on more meds. Says I have PTSD. She wrote me a letter to the Judge so that might help me keep the restraining order. My mom is going with me this time too so that will help a lot. Not being able to go back to college is a very real fear too. Im scared sh!tless, but want to go too. A cunundrum I guess. I lost my book grant so I can't afford them. No books, no school. Dealing with the fear of being outside is the strangest thing I have ever been through in my life. It just seems stupid, but then that is when I feel safer in the house. As soon as I have to leave or even think of leaving I shake and get sick to my stomach. I have to psych myself into going. I missed my 1st therapy session. I called and resched, because I couldnt get myself to go out. I have another appt in Jan. I will have to make sure I make myself go. I think some of it is in my head. Like I didnt want to go alone and have to start facing some of these problems. I don't know. So now Im being treated for BP, Sad, Depression, and PTSD, which I had a case of before when I had to deal with my past abuse from my step dad. I have taken to wearing a wedding band to keep guys away, and it is kind of a promise to myself that I will be celebate like I was before the rape. I promise to myself that I will not hook up with anyone until I can trust them and they are respectful and kind. That they understand my problems and can deal with that, cuz I aint changing much. Big pill for any man to swallow.

Hi everyone, just wanted to stop in and say hi. Im not gone, just lost. ive become agoraphobic, but still get to my Dr appt's, pharmacy and shop, but not much aand i always try to use the self check out so i dont have to talk to anyone. Ive talked to my Dr about it and I start counceling soon. I just cant seem to get what happened to me. Thats what the counceling is for i guess.

Hope all are well. Thanks for the support you've all given to me and everyone. You are all wonderful to keep up the support.

Marie,

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday dear ((((Marieeeeee)))
Happy Birthday to you!

Love ya bunches and tons!

Karen

((((((Marie)))))) I do hope that things work out in a good way for you and that it doesn't get ugly. You have worked your ass off and you deserve some time to yourself when this is all over. I am sorry for your loss and I hope your greedy bro doesn't give you problems so your dad can rest in peace. I am glad to hear that he went peacfully.

Things have been getting back to normal here slowly. I have my first therapy session for rape counceling. Was the same as any other counceling. Don't know if it will help or not but I do hope that I can get something out of it before school starts in Jan.

Jan 8th I have to go back to court. Jan 11th I start school. I hope they extend the restraining order. I am anxious about that and have to really work hard not to think about having to be in the same room with that sicko. He lied in court so much. I can't believe he did what he did. The lies, the scamming, the loss of my dignity, taking my money. It is a hard road this time.

The depression is the least of my worry's right now. Im manic and everything is amplified. So being scared to leave my house for very long is hard. Thats why I need to get my head to gether with therapy. I only leave the house for Dr's visits, store and pharmacy. I hardly ever leave my door open either. Even with a locking screen.

On a good note, I entered my bird in a contest on tv and they showed her! She didn't win the contest, but she was on tv and got a lot of oooo's and ahhh's. Her name is Banshee because she screams a lot. Im proud of her, whooo hooo.

If you are using windows, it should automatically come with notepad and or word pad. That should get you through until you can buy a word program.

Just go to start, click on acessories, then find them. Hope this helps.

Jeeze, everyone is doing so well and I had to go fall off the wagon again after 3 mo.

Ill jump back on soon enough, but it sure stings.

I had a traumatic experience the other day and started up again. I guess Im just a weenie. I have the strength to quit and keep it up for a while but as soon as my life ges hard off I go.

Thank you everyone for the support. I'll keep your dad in prayer Marie.

Marie, So sorry to hear about your dad. I sincerely hope that they can find out what the problem is soon.

Hey ((((everyone)))) well made through court. The judge wouldn't let me talk at all and I was so upset, but now looking back I can see what she did was for my own good. The mediator saw how Ivan is like as he blew his temper and stormed off, the attorney was rude and cruel. She asked if there were any other way since the restraining order would go on his record and he might not be able to work. I said I have no pity on him and he shouldnt have raped me. She took a really good look at the report and then her eyes got wide and she said ok. When we got back in the court room thyey took a brake. Then they came back and then en it was our turn. The attorney tried to use a loophole in my wording in one part of the report, but she was having none of it. She wouldn't let me talk becasue she was letting them hang themselves. Ivan got nasty in front of the judge. They just kept slamming on me all thier lies and I couldn't saya thing. The judge brought up a mutual stay away order and I agreed to it, but as she was handing me the paper to sign, she whispered to me that it was not enforcable by law enforcment. I told the judge that and asked for the restraining order until we know what the DA is going to do. So I won the battle but still have to win the war. My restraining order is exctended till Jan 8th. That is when hte really hard stuff happens.

You might ask your Dr about Aspergers..........you can google it and check things out and then put it on your list to ask your dr about when you go in for a check up, as I agree with the many who told you that you should do so. Im Bi Polar, so I can understand, but you have very basic symptoms and just being sleepy and moody doesn't mean you're BP....ya know? Just get to your Doc and go from there. Good luck!

serious question....not trying to be negative, but I can't help it if the question is........

What good does it do to crush on someone who will probably or never know you have a crush on them?

Thats what we did when we lived in the hills; off to the pound they went, and if the dog was vicious and a danger-couldn't be caught-bit or acted like it, he got shot....no nicie nicie letters. Just a verbal time or two to the owners. No one says who did it. Just an unspoken hill law.

Hi Storm...nice to meet you and hope you are feeling better soon...

Hey there, I didn't exactly do anything "wrong" except not know the rules before I posted That was because I didn't really know it was a "game" when I posted.

Now that I know it is a game, and what the rules are, I know what I can and can't do. Self moderating I guess. Comes with being old and a mom, LOLOL...

Ok, so now that I know the, what I didn' know about the "rules" I can (of my own accord) recind my previous post. Seems I wasn't playing by the "rules".

Explains the funny looks, hahaha


have fun ya'll

Ive been perved


bye bye Gypsy....

I was just learning to weld. Hoping to find a kind soul at school this year to teach me more.

lmao

OOOOOOOOOH, can I can I DD? A beautiful nudie modle/dancer with 42 D's w/ tassles and long sharp teeth that likes to suck?

Ok, how about tassles for the nudie dancers? I was invited to Gold Diggers for amature night......for all those chubbie lovers hahaha