Absolutely. If your spouse has become promiscuous it's time to end it and move on. But, after you've both invested a number of years in a deep, loving relationship, I think it's a bad idea to throw the whole thing out the window for a single indiscretion.

This may be true. I defiantly won't allow another woman access to my bank account again. I won't live with her or marry her. However, I'm willing to give her my heart. Shouldn't that be enough?

You said;

I don't think that. That's why I don't censer my posts. I was asking a question. I suppose I could do that. Just start being all nice and lovie dovie. But, is THAT what you really want? Another nice guy kissing your arse? I don't think so.

LOL You are the queen of leading threads off on tangents.

The lines I personally draw don't matter. What matters is that I have drawn them and when she crosses them she needs to be punished for it. Some may be based on the kind of relationship we have. Is she a stay at home wife? If so, I'll insist that she keep a neat home for us as well as doing some cleaning up after me.

But, I'll give you a firm example. I don't want to live with an animal (dog, cat, etc.).

I don't think I'm naturally either one. However, I've learned, over the years, that women generally (there, I said it) prefer a man to take a leadership roll in relationships. So, I've learned to draw lines and to "punish" her for crossing them. This allows her to push against me and feel my strength which is what she's really after. She needs to know I'm firm and can be trusted and she'll test this often. Constantly looking for little weakness in different areas. She'll try anger, crying, throwing fits, she'll threaten to leave and withhold sex. It's my job to ignore it all. To be unaffected by her emotional outbursts. In this way I earn her respect.

But, it's unfashionable for a woman to admit (even to herself) that she really wants her man to lead her. She wants to be an "equal partner." This makes logical sense. Women also hate the word "submissive." They seem to have some negative connotation attached to it. But, I can't think of another word to replace it with.

However, it's been my experience that equal partners can't always agree and when they don't, nothing gets done. It's really better for one partner to have the last word. And it doesn't have to be the man or the woman. Either can do the job equally well.

It's a simple fact that if a woman wants her man to lead, she must submit to his will. There is no other option except choosing a submissive man.

I don't try to be controversial. I don't try to word things in a way to get a rise out of others. But, I don't sugarcoat things either. I assume we're all grownups here and can take it as well as dish it out. Or would all of you prefer I patronized you?

I try to be a realist. Women today aspire to be Kim Kardashian. They aren't interested in the kind of unconditional love I talked about above. I have no idea if women see that side of me or if they'd care or be interested. But, I think it's highly unlikely.

I've heard women today talking about "starter husbands." Does that sound like they take love and commitment seriously? Or are they just in it for what they can grab? Find a guy, make him love you, have a kid or two and leave him with the highest alimony and child support payments your lawyer can get you while you're still young enough to party like a Kardashian.

No thank you very much! I'll just stick to the sex and party like Charlie Sheen and we'll all take care of ourselves.

Here's a post from my blog that may add to this conversation.

Attributes of a Modern Gentleman


*He's well mannered and polite, but that doesn't mean he suffers fools easily.
*He says what he means, but he may not tell you everything and you may not like what you hear.
*He doesn't play head games and he doesn't put up with them.
*He strives for a stress free life and works to eliminate any chaotic influences.
*He can be ruthless when it's called for.
*He maintains a cool head and seldom gets in a rush.
*He never complains. If something troubles him he gets rid of it or gets used to it.
*He puts his income above everything else. Because without it, he cannot meet the needs of anything else.
*He doesn't give his word lightly and when he does it's not easily broken.
*He knows himself and what he needs to be happy.
*He knows his strengths and weaknesses.
*He's open minded, but doesn't change his views easily.
*He doesn't argue, but may enjoy a passionate exchange of ideas.
*He doesn't force, he persuades and influences.
*As for sex, he'll let his desires be known. But, if the attraction isn't mutual, he'll move on quickly. He knows there are plenty of fish in the sea.

http://borninabailofbutcherknives.blogspot.com/2012/07/attributes-of-modern-gentleman.html

I'm of the opinion that everyone needs a second chance once in a while. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone is tempted.

Infidelity seems to be where a lot of people are drawing the line. I don't think that's a good place for it. I've never cheated on a lover, but I can see how, after a long time things could become routine and you might start to wonder if the grass is greener across the fence. You've forgotten why you were with him/her and you miss the excitement of discovering a new lover. You may discover that cheating was a mistake and you were really better off before. In this case, you'd come back with a deeper love and understanding for your old partner. Cheating is wrong, but people make mistakes and need forgiveness once in a while.

You make vows. If your partner breaks a vow do you reply by breaking your vows? It doesn't add up to me.

My mom and dad were married for 60 years. Back in the 70s my mom believed my dad cheated. My dad denied it. But, my mom never believed him. She didn't leave him, but she was angry for the next 20 years. She put him through hell, but they stayed together. One day she and I spoke about it. I told her that he was never going to admit he'd cheated and her anger wasn't hurting him any more, it was only hurting her. I told her it had been 20 years and it took less time for the world to forgive Germany for WWII. She forgot her anger after that and I think she began to see that even if he had made a mistake, he was still in love with her. He wanted to be with her. She died still in love with him.

So, if you wonder why I'm so down on love and relationships, this is it. People don't make that kind of commitment to each other anymore. I want the kind of love my mom and dad had and I know I'll never find it.

Indoor temps won't change drastically because it's climate controlled with central heat and air.

Dating means there's a possibility of sex.

I don't date single mothers.

I don't spend more than $30.

If she answers her cell phone I end the date.

I never make date during daylight hours.

I don't ever want to meet her friends or family.

How disappointing. I was looking forward to being taken out of context.

I will freely admit that I have no time for an actual relationship. However, I do have a couple of women I can call when I'm on home time that will fulfill any sexual desires I may have built up while I'm on the road. They seem to be happy with this arrangement because they don't ask for more or bother me when I'm out of town. But, they always welcome me when I call.



Post whatever you like. I stand by everything word I've said.



I'm not angry. I'm cynical.

To give respect is to hold a person in high esteem. I respect him because of what he's done. I respect her because of her creative abilities. Etc. Until you actually know a person or at least know of their reputation you can't respect them or disrespect them. You simply don't know them.

Not all people deserve respect.

My mother earned my respect by being a good mother to me. Not by giving birth. BTW I was adopted and know nothing of the woman that actually gave birth to me, so I have no opinion of her at all.

But, should I respect a homeless, junkie prostitute? I don't think so. She isn't worth of respect.

There are many women I respect and there are others I do not.

You don't believe that I live in a truck and have a couple of FWBs?

Okay.

Maybe you think my views are "outrageous" because you don't understand them. Maybe you attach some meaning to some of my posts that I never meant to imply.

Allow me to go over a few.

I do not think women deserve respect simply because they are women. Respect is earned by deeds and achievements, not because of one's gender. This applies to everyone. However, everyone deserves politeness. Everyone should hold the door for the person behind them.

I think marriage is outdated. There was a time when it served a purpose, but that time is over. There's no need for two people to share their assets to such an extent anymore. You can love, commit, be faithful and even have and raise children today without the entanglements of marriage. Furthermore, marriage is no guarantee of fidelity.

I think sex is fun. I see no reason to be involved in a committed relationship to enjoy it. It's not special. People do it everyday, all over the world. It's just fun.

I think younger women are generally more attractive than are older ones. This isn't always the case, but usually holds true. I also think younger women are more open minded and less set in their ways.

What is so offensive about any of this? What is so outrageous? What is so different about it that it upsets you to such a degree?

Love can be a very hard thing to find. It doesn't come along every day. Why should anyone deny themselves the pleasure that comes from sex simply because they aren't in love?

Sex is fun! Sure, it's better with someone you're in love with, but so is going to the movies. Should a person stop doing everything they enjoy doing with partner simply because they are without a partner? If not, what makes sex different?

I wouldn't allow myself to become that deeply involved with someone so far away because until you meet and experience someone, you just don't them. You aren't really involved with them, but only who you think or want them to be. It's an illusion. For all I know, that 22 year old hottie from Manilla is really a 70 year old, overweight gay man with a shaved head and handlebar mustache.