RIDDLE[28]

Q What is the ironic destiny of all painstakingly acquired human possessions?
A To end up on the ‘taken-for-granted’ shelf.





...29

p.s. No, they're not "supposed to be funny". Some might be slightly amusing; some could even be offensive - without intention. However, one thing you can be sure of: they're not here for nothing!

RIDDLE[27]

Q What makes ‘career beggars’ richer and smarter than the amateurs?
A Their dogs.






...28

RIDDLE[26]

Q What are words?
A Words are decoys. They successfully mask the true nature of Reality.





...27

RIDDLE[25]

Q Of all the absurdities in life, which is the most absurd of all?
A What we expect of it!



...26

RIDDLE[24]

Q What distinguishes a), drivers with long lives, from b), those with short ones?
A They may look similar, but a) rides a fine line, and b) rode a tightrope!






...25

RIDDLE[23]

Q Which acrobatic contortion is (oddly) not viewed as certifiably insane?
A ‘Falling head over heels in love’.





...24

RIDDLE[22]

Q How did George, (a chum of mine), cure his diagnosed “3-months-to-live” cancer?
A He took a 6-month bicycle tour; then rearranged his life ENTIRELY DIFFERENTLY.




.....23

RIDDLE[21]

Q Recipy for permanently putting an end to all wars.
A Trade in all your friends for strangers....every 3 months.







...22

RIDDLE[20]

Q What guarantees your SCANT attention to ANY subject during onscreen debates?
A The stark contrast between fully-clothed males, and ostentatiously displayed female flesh.



more....

RIDDLE[18]
Q The only mercy ever shown to Man by the gods?
A Woman.

RIDDLE[19]
Q What is a [so-called] ‘scammer’?
A A bed-wetter in a sealed rubber bag.

RIDDLE[1]
Q Do you desire to live forever?
A You do already. Try cancelling tomorrow - (and proving that you did!)

RIDDLE[2]
Q Which came first, the egg or the chicken?
A The primeval grunt.

RIDDLE[3]
Q What is the definitive definition of insanity; (i.e. mind-loss)?
A What Man MUST undergo before being capable of procreating(i.e., ‘being in love’)

RIDDLE[4]
Q What is full of hope, often thought of, but doesn’t exist?
A Tomorrow.

RIDDLE[5]
Q The genius with a stressful job who works backwards & MUST live with a masseuse?
A The dentist.

RIDDLE[6]
Q Why does a dog bark a lot?
A Its owners can’t find their marbles.

RIDDLE[7]
Q To whom must a doctor go, for practical health advice?
A One of his betters; i.e., ANY woman with at least one (now-)adult child. .
RIDDLE[8]
Q Is it possible for you NOT to wake up?
A Only if you can PROVE that you didn’t!

RIDDLE[9]
Q What is it that a small child [and an adult or two!] most doesn’t want?
A To accept that fairy tales are NOT true.

RIDDLE[10]
Q How can you NOT be here?
A You will NEVER be able to NOT be here. (Or even to imagine it!)

RIDDLE[11]
Q The state’s most effective means of maintaining totalitarianism?
A The daily regurgitation of its most hilarious pronouncement: “Democracy”.

RIDDLE[12]
Q Why is it risky to tell your friends about an excellent restaurant you know?
A Next visit, and poorer service or crowdedness might make you wish you’d shut up!

RIDDLE[13]
Q The disaster NOBODY will desperately try to sweep under the carpet?
A The floor!

RIDDLE[14]
Q On average, ONE-AND- A-THIRD of which species are owned by ONE EACH of which?
A 9 billion dogs belong to 7 billion humans.

RIDDLE[15]
Q One event isn't PRECISELY like another.So, what ISN’T of too much help after all?
A Experience.

RIDDLE[16]
Q Don’t they rather strangely resemble the tales read to one by one’s parents?!
A ‘News stories’.

RIDDLE [17]
Q What could be described as “a mere sort-of sneeze?”
A Man’s .0001% contribution to the continuation of human life.
[more to follow]

I think therefore I am not.
There is no 'being’ unless I choose to act as if it were so.


https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/life-after-death-keith-perreur-lloyd-2c/

Jaunty, sprightly, here I go
up my daily hill
starting off with heel to arch
switching now from ball to toe
from minor moan to grudging groan
then gasp to curse to self-berate -
(“Show-off! Hypochondriac! Cretin!”
Why? Oh why?! OH WHY??? !!!!!”)

But going up is not the snag;
the devil’s coming down:
for gaily on my way back home,
I smile and shrug; “WHY NOT!”

‘Tomorrow’
ever full of hope
will never be known.

It has no place on earth
yet dwells somewhere
‘twixt dream and expectation.


[re-worked!]

[with Mingle2's permission - (I hope!) - this is a re-working of an earlier item].

I once kept a crab as a pet
but I hadn’t quite named it yet.
I wished to teach it how to speak
or at least deliver a squeak.

The result was a rapid chat
in which I asked, “do you in fact,
locomote sideways or backwards?”
Said it, “OBVIOUSLY FORWARDS!”

I decided to christen it
Progress.

If the earth is your mother and a god your father, the dentist is certainly your owner. Every year of your life you must allow one of them to bore holes into your mouth-bones. Does anyone come along and bore holes in your knee-caps or your rib-cage? No: but dentists hold that right forever. You will never be free of them. During every year of your life, someone else's hands are going to grope and fiddle inside your mouth; and you've got to believe them when they tell you that there IS something you can do to protect, to take care of, your teeth. In truth though, both you and they know full well that the ravages wrought on your system by the era's chemical and mechanical onslaught on victuals, is the pivotal point.

Now now, ‘all's fair’, isn't it; and they're mostly such affable people, haven’t you noticed: I mean they’re really charming, and you can't help loving them when the session’s over; can you. You're aware that they're engaged in that great humanitarian task of saving you from the consequences of the greed of others, and your own self-neglect.

So here I am, lying bib-ed and swaddled in this neon-lighted mausoleum, awaiting the attendance of my white-garbed angels; (not the crumpled bile green of hospitals, thank you). Ah! Here comes costly Klop, accompanied by his assistant. (I immediately rename her, ‘mediobot’). What's interesting about Dr. Klop is that he almost became a priest, but subsequently decided on dentistry: (presumably to acquire a larger flock).

After our greetings - me with my trembling-ly deferential smile and he with his impassive spriteliness - we began.

‘Eeny meeny miny moe
upper molars in we go.
2 root fillings one each side;
open mouthy nice and wide’

Anyhow, what he said did sound a bit like that! Well now; I'm reclining in my comfy cradle, as the mediobot turns to prepare the injection. I’m listening to my heart playing the smithy's refrain - not with my ears though; they are assailed by the interminable ooze of audio-slime extravasating from apertures in the coffin-lid above my corpse. The amplified sludge’s origins might have been musical: somehow though, I doubt it.

I stare at Klop’s lateral sulcus. Then I issue the order. “No injection thank you.”

His orbital fissures remain exposed and immobile. His zygomatic bone bucks. Swivelling three degrees, he tilts. “This is a ROOT filling sir.”

I know what I'm in for; but today, it’s MY turn. I inject my barb into him, in excruciatingly slow motion. “If, Dr. Klop, you find you're uncomfortable during the proceedings, perhaps then, you could resort to the anaesthetic.”

An ivory sliver of light emanates from between Klopp's wobbly pink lateral slats. “Whatever turns you on,” he snipes. Bubbles of wet salt are clustering on my cheeks. I bolt my hands to the arms of the chair, and my eyes to the loudspeaker. I concentrate on the twang, whine, and gush of the 'ooss' assailing my auricles.

A gyrating shaft-point purrs then nibbles. (Not once will I look into my owner’s eyes). With a smoldering screech, it cuts into my gut. As the snarl of the drill relinquishes its bite from time to time, I rejoice at the thought of Klop’s bewilderment. No sedative; no hypnosis: I shall endure.

The bubbling bore seers my root. Agony surges upwards from a raw cheekbone, engulfing my rigid corpse in its frozen dance. Klop, the mediobot, and I, are one.

PAIN.


It is over. Wordlessly, Klop and the mediobot scurry out of the surgery. Perhaps they can't think of anything to say to me.

A paroxysm of quivering takes hold of my body. It lasts, (with occasional intervals), for almost two weeks.
________________________________________________________________________________
I’ll personally send a copy of the mixed mp3 I made of this to anyone who asks. [FREE - I don't have to say!!]

I once kept a crab as a pet
but hadn’t quite christened it yet
I wished to teach it how to speak
or at least deliver a squeak

The result was a sort-of chat
in which I asked it, “Is it that
you advance sideways or forwards?”
It said, “OBVIOUSLY FORWARDS!”

I decided to call it:
(see above)

Thank you for commenting.
No, I'm afraid it has nothing to do with 'Adam and Eve'.
k

Woman
Pity Man

Would you have wished to waken
from being-less sleep?

Would you have chosen
Expulsion
Exposure
Pain?!

Pity Man
Woman