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Community > Posts By > eunice49508
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I know that God is not pleased with him. And thank you for the affirmation. But that's the biggest struggle that I am dealing with. I feel like I have ever right to hate him, but at the same time, how can I have a relationship with God, when I have hatred in my heart. It's not supposed to be that way. But that's what I'm trying to say. You are expecting yourself to be perfect and no one is...if we were we wouldn't need God. The world would be perfect and everyone else and there we'd be. Instead, we are human with human thoughts and fears and hates and loves. You're being too hard on yourself. Forgive yourself for feeling the hate..God already has. I had an abusive uncle....I hated him so much that I felt guilty for being happy when he died!! I had a dream a few years ago in which I started beating on him and telling him he would never hurt anyone again..kinda weird way to get closure on it, but that really helped. Helped me realize that I do have the power to NOT let him continue to have power over me. Make sense? Maybe it's not the hatred you feel for you father that is perventing you from having a relationship with God, but instead it's the feelings of guilt associated with that hate that is the blocking from having a relationship with God. This is why I suggested a vision of God that accepts that hate and doesn't judge you poorly for feeling it. |
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I can tell you this, you have moved up from the feeling of helplessness powerlessness to anger and hatred. Hatred and anger is a step up towards your recovery compared to where you have been. You can accept that you hate him. Accept that he is a dysfunctional and sick person. Accept that you can't change him, fix him or change the past. But you can change and you can heal. Anger and hatred give you power compared to the feeling of helplessness and powerlessness you grew up with. You are moving up the ladder to better feelings. You are gaining power. Keep climbing that ladder and to self empowerment and know that you can move up to better feelings and more control over your life. Well said. Being angry at him and hating him puts the "blame" where it belongs...onto him and off you. HE did those things you are a victim. JB |
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Maybe you are right Jeanie. Maybe I am getting some kind of gratification by feeling this way. It's like I feel like I am entitled to feel this way. And I know that to have a loving and sincere relationship with God, I need to change that. I am just having a very difficult time changing my way of thinking. My father molested me from the time I was 5 years old, til I was 13. I have lived with the nightmares my entire life. My way of living is surrounded by those memories and so is my every day thinking. There is not a day that goes by, that those memories don't have an impact on me, or my every day decisions. And I hate him for that. There is no other word to describe it. And to me, using any other word to describe how I feel about him, would just be a lie. I am sorry to hear that. It is confusing to love him because he is your dad and hate what he has done. Can you separte the two? I don't know. You can't change him, or the past. You do have control over yourself and how you handle it now. YES YOU DO. Because you were so young, you were made to feel powerless, but you have endless amounts of power within you...just rely on it. You are the only one blocking your relationship to God. Just talk to Him...tell him how you truly feel (he knows anyway). And who among us IS worthy? |
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What / who are you hating?
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Topic:
Which is better Dark or
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Milk chocolate only. Dark is too bitter. I agree...of course, I'm one of the rare women that is not into chocolate! |
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Topic:
Question
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 Lost it before I had it Happy Birthday Pat |
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Topic:
Question
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You can keep a dream forever...can't lose something that is only a fantasy though.
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Topic:
Upper Michigan
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I live near Holland/Lake Michigan....
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Topic:
Delivered!
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It's normal....there is that feeling that one has failed.......
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Topic:
Here is one for ya'll
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I think the more important question is why does it bother you so much? Quit worrying about his motives and figure out YOUR reactions!! It bothers me because we had a very painfull divorce, and he is still looking for ways to hurt me. That only happens if you allow it. No one can hurt you, humiliate you, use you, etc. unless you let them. Make choices that will better you as a person and move forward. Why didn't you just send a card, throw the invitation away, or just ignore him completely? You are allowing him to control your emotions. (Mom) |
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Topic:
Here is one for ya'll
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I think the more important question is why does it bother you so much? Quit worrying about his motives and figure out YOUR reactions!!
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If you are shy you'll have to force yourself to get out in public! Try picturing yourself doing something you'd like to participate in the go for it!!
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Topic:
Sex Ed
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Probably need to throw in some info/classes for parents too! Kids need to know the facts and all the right words, but parents should be forming a strong, positive attitude about sex..that it is normal and good when in the right atmosphere. Many parents were abused as kids and cannot give a "positive" talk to their kids if they haven't coped with their own abuse. Kids need to know they can defend themselves and report inappropriate behavior.
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Topic:
Lately..
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You can only deal with your feelings....the best lesson I have learned in life is that you cannot change another person, only yourself, your reactions, and your feelings. If he is not ready to deal with his own issues, you can't do that for him. As hard as it is, because he is your dad, he is still just a person who has to grown at his own rate. If he doesn't feel he has done anything wrong, he won't see a need to change. If he is dealing with guilt because he KNOWs he has done wrong things, HE has to deal with that in order to move forward. I hope you can get past all the pain and have a good relationship at some point. "Mom"
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You won't have to wonder if he/she is the right one....you just know!
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never
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Topic:
Whats The Worst Excuse ?
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My favoriet was "I just felt too good to go to work"...there was a company in Grand Rapids that allowed that once a year for their employees.
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Topic:
Loving Without Trusting
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Hmm nice question Mirror... I think you can love someone yes.. can you be IN love with them and have a relationship with them with out trusting them no way...JMO Well put and I agree after YEARS of experience! |
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Topic:
What would you do?
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Be glad she told you....lots of folks out there just spreading stuff around, but ultimately you take responsibility for YOUR actions and behaviors!!
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Topic:
Email address
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I keep getting a message that says my email address is not correct, but it IS my email address!!!!!
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