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Topic:
Teeth
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lol
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Topic:
Paddy and the hooker
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very good
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Topic:
boris becker
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After the female judge sentenced Boris Becker to 2 1/2 years in jail he asked "how many months is that"
The judge replied "30 love" |
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Topic:
nose hair
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I pulled out a nose hair this morning to see if it hurt.
Judging by the reaction of the man who was asleep next to me on the bus, it seemed pretty painful. |
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Topic:
the phone call
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A woman is on the phone to her mother-in-law.
She asks, "Can you tell me who changes the child if it poops it's self, mother or father?" "It's always the mother, honey" I'd the reply. "Ok. Well in that case, can you come round please? Your son got drunk and **** himself" |
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Topic:
sex
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male last time I looked
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Topic:
Kiss
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hehehe
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Topic:
trespassers beware
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Dear trespassers
Due to the rising cost of ammunition I am no longer able to fire a warning shot. Thank you for your understanding in these difficult times. |
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Topic:
vibrators
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A survey has revealed that 47% of women have used vibrators.
The other 53% have new ones..... |
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Topic:
waterpolo
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some sad breaking news from the world water polo championships.
The Irish team have had to withdraw after 3 of their horses drowned. |
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Topic:
Fishing
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very good lol.
I suppose if he also does his own accounts he could be considered a bit of a banker too... |
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Topic:
got fired
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I got fired from my job because I kept asking clients if they'd prefer smoking or non-smoking...
Apparently the correct terms are 'cremation' or 'burial' |
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Topic:
Funny lines...
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all true and to the point
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Topic:
supermarket
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distant thunder and fresh rain.
When you approach the milk section you hear the sound of cows mooing and the smell of fresh hay. When you go to the egg crates you hear the sound of clucking and sense the aroma of bacon & eggs frying. The veggie department has the smell of buttered corn. I don't buy my toilet paper there any more..... |
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Topic:
supermarket
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A new supermarket opened in my town last year.
it has a water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on you hear the sound of |
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Topic:
supermarket
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A new supermarket opened in my town last year.
it has a water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on you hear the sound of |
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Topic:
golf ball
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This guy was showing his friend his new golf ball.
"This golf ball is state of the art" he said, "You just cannot lose this ball. If it goes in the rough it beeps, it glows in the dark, it floats in water and had an inbuilt GPS" His friend said "Wow, where did you get it from?" "I found it" |
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Topic:
wife sale
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My friend just returned from a holiday in Dubai.
"How was it?" I asked. "Great" he said, "I sold my wife for 40 camels" I said "WTF? You sold your wife? And for 40 camels? What WTF are you going to do with 40 camels,?" He said "Well I suppose I could have done better. I normally smoke Marlboro but a deal's a deal" |
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Topic:
wedding
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I went to a very emotional wedding last week.
Even the cake was in tiers |
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Topic:
birthday present
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I gave a blind friend of mine a cheese grater for his birthday.
He said it was the most violent book he'd ever read |
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