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Topic:
the barber
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I went to the barber this morning.
I asked him what kind of haircut would make me look handsome. He looked me up and down and replied "A power cut" |
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Topic:
An apology
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I would like to apologise about my recent joke about herbs and fish.
I realise now that there is a thyme and a plaice for such comments. |
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Topic:
in the ER
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I would like to report to friends on this forum that I am currently in the ER.
I won't bore you with the details but suffice to say that THE DYSON BALL CLEANER is a very misleading product name! |
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Topic:
Spelling bee.
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If you ever have to judge at a spelling bee and there's this kid who is really annoying you, ask them to spell the word "there"
When he asks for it in a sentence, say "Their car is parked over there and they're late!" |
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Topic:
A wise decision
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I went to the shop yesterday on my bicycle.
I bought a bottle of scotch and put it in the little basket by the handlebars. I was about to leave when the thought struck me: If I fall off the bicycle on the way home the bottle would break. So just to be safe I drank the bottle of scotch before I set off. This turned out to be a very wise decision because as it happened, I did fall off my bike several times on the way home! |
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chitty chitty GANG bang bang
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about a LADY boy
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BI-polar express
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Topic:
how not to date.....
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Her: I love animals
Him: Really? I work with animals. Her: Oh that's so cute. So what do you do? Are you a vet? a zoo keeper? Him: No, I'm a butcher |
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Topic:
hangover
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I awoke with a terrible hangover this morning to the sound of my neighbour mowing his lawn.
I was going to force myself to get up but then thought, Sod it, he can mow around me. |
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Topic:
Fish
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classic! 🤪
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Topic:
overheared
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two women speaking on a train.
#1. Is it ok to have more children after 35? #2. Err no. 35 children is already too many |
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Topic:
pop star
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I was arguing with a guy in the pub who said he was a big pop star in the 1980s.
I said I didn't believe him, but he was adamant |
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Topic:
fired
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I got fired from the hospital for stealing neck braces.
At least I was able to leave with my head held high.... |
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Topic:
exercise
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My fitness trainer asked me what kind of squat I was planning to do this week.
Apparently "Diddley" was not the correct answer.... |
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Topic:
kids on a plane
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A man boarded a plane with 12 kids.
Once they were all settled in their seats a woman accross from the man leaned over and asked "Are all these children yours?" The man replied "No madam. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints" |
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Topic:
The best postal address
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So good, you couldn't make it up ðŸ¤
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Topic:
A Day At The Races
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very good
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Topic:
Good Deeds!!
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🤠good one
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Topic:
transport
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Engineers have just made a car that runs on parsley.
They are hoping they will soon come up with some trains and buses that run in thyme. |
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