"Im not fat. In fact, im so sexy that it overflows."

"Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence -- a life sentence."

"A crush is like a math problem. If you can't get it, you just stare at it."

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away. If the doctor is cute, i don't want the apple."

"If you are in a relationship, stop trying to figure out who is wearing the pants between the two of you. A relationship works best when both of you are not wearing pants."

"A smart wife makes sure she spends so much that her husband cannot afford another woman."

"Science has discovered a food that diminishes sex drive by 90%. A wedding cake."

"Last night I drank at a bar, so I took a bus home.
It may not seem like much to you, but I've never
driven a bus before."

It's hard to face a problem if the problem is your face.

when I was younger, my mom was so embarrassed on my ugliness that he only put negatives on our family album.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

All lines were funny .

all true and to the point