Who are you?
This is me.
Not a program on your computer
Not a piece of poetry...
What have you done?
What can you do?
What makes you feel free?
Are you here,
To pass the fear,
Of sitting home alone?
Or is it just,
Your head might bust,
If your mind can not roam?
Are you happy there,
At your desk chair,
Or, just nothing else to do?
There's a world outside,
Don't come here to hide,
It's waiting there for you...
If you need a friend,
To hold your hand,
And take away your blues,
Turn me off and go outside,they are waiting there for you...

BluesPreacher

Two souls joining in the presence of God would be so sweet

Don't we all start with good intentions?
But, somehow later down the line things go bad.
Yet we hang on still.

Standing in the presence of nothingness.
A delirious silence,
the sound of negative space.
With the impossibility of presence and absence,
I labor in all, like the stone of Sisyphus.

Like a noble steed,charging at life with every good intention to overcome my own defenses, my own faults and failures; Leaping and bounding over my loss and pain and sufferings. Happily racing, full stride into the sun. Finding myself, tossed away, in some unknown and unintentional direction, like a broken pony, from a runaway carrousal. And I wonder, if it's no coincidence, that the grand carrousal should always represent great and noble creatures, in it's ever turning stables.
Does the horse know, that it is grander than the ass? The eagle, more noble than the chicadee? Does the fox regard himself sly; or the owl think himself wise? No, I think not. Only man projects such characteristics of mankind on earths creatures. For them, it's only thier beastly nature; For us, it's our own nature to be all these things, but in truth; We cannot be anymore than the nature, that God projects upon us.

Its not always where you start,
that brings you to the end.
Sometimes it's the middle,
where it all begins.
Hey I miss you,
..And that wasn't always true,
But lately,..I feel like,
I should be there beside you,
Because I miss you...
Do you know the secret,
Of why I feel this way?
Can you recall the reason,
Why I didn't stay?
Everybody's lonesome,
We all know that is right,
Because our days feel as empty as,
The darkness of the night.
When,I miss you...
And as I sit here,
And look out at the rain.
I wonder if we'll ever,
Have some time again.
I often think of calling you,
But, then I think again.
Would we speak, just like strangers,
Or would we be, long lost friends?
I Miss You..
And I'll miss you 'til the end.
Maybe I'm just stuck here in the middle,
where it all begins..
I wonder if you think of me,
The way I think of you.
And do you every ask yourself,
If you miss me too?

BluesPreacher

East Bound Train Heading South
(A Hobo's Prayer)


Well, sometimes I wonder how much this ol’ world can hold

Is there room for one more, lonely and broken soul?

When it’s filled up to the top, oh Lord, will it finally stop?

Or, will the whole damn thing, just one day overflow?


And sometimes, I think about the things, that I used to have,

A wife and kids and that job, it weren’t too bad.

And I wonder why they all had to fade away,

Like an old forgotten song, that I’d forgotten how to play.

Was it because I was in the right, or was I in the wrong?

Or was it ‘cause, I was born to sing a lonely hobo’s song?


So, one day I thought about jumpin’ on a train,

Since I was always hearing one, rolling through my brain.

And sometimes, I think I might go, on down to that track,

To let that ol’ freight train, run across my back.

Or, sometimes I think I might go down to the river,

And drown myself, instead of just my liver.

But, Jesus says he’s coming and he’s going to save my life,

I surely hope he hurries ‘fore I take it with a knife.


I woke up on an east bound freight, but I know I’m headed south,

Since I lost the wife, the kids, the car, the bank accounts, the house.

To try to forget all my sorrow, all the tears and all the pain,

I spend all of my money on cheap whiskey, strippers and cocaine.

I sleep in rolling boxcars, under bridges and in the rain,

And Lord, I know that the truth is I’m the only one to blame.

Jesus I pray to you, of all the things that I’ve lost,

If just one I could get back,

Oh Lord my soul, instead of this ol’ hole, grown cold, empty and black.

BluesPreacher

I once stopped to help a blonde lady that was parked on the side of the rode. I asked her if something was wrong with her car and she siad, "No, it's just that the sign up ahead says,DO NOT PASS" and she was waiting for it to change.

very beautifully written

I once worked in a convenience store out in California. It didn't pay great but the experience was well worth it. It's surprising what you learn about people in a very short time. And more surprising the marks they can leave on your memories, heart and soul, in the minute or two you have with them at the register.Here are a few examples;

One night a young couple came in; He was handsome,20ish, dressed very nice, she too was young and very pretty, dressed to kill and very friendly. What was so remarkable you ask? The young lady had been in a fire at some point in her life and the entire left side of her face was horribly disfigured.

I found myself trying not to stare but it was obvious to me she was a very beautiful girl, and I began to question myself what it must be like for her to deal with the looks and stares of strangers.Oh God, I thought, if this had happened to me, could I bearer the same existence? And to be a woman, a creature so set on poise and beauty; I could not bring myself to even imagine her inner feelings.

But, she looked at me...not toward me or past me, but directly at me. It was only for a moment, in order to ask where she might find a particular item, but I sensed an air of confidence, that was truer than I have ever felt in another. There was no self-hate or disgust, no denial of who she was. I began to feel a shame, for my own weakness in the company of her strength.

Walking up to the register, she carried herself with grace and dignity. Not like the learned grace of a model but the special grace that only comes from some mysterious source within. She smiled at me, half her face lighted up with charm and beauty, the other, remained nearly limp and contorted with swirling, pinkish and red, flame molded tissue. I struggled inside to contain my foolish feelings and not to look back with pity. For if she had no self-pity, of what use would she have of mine.

She asked me for some directions and paid for her items. Her left hand was also badly scarred, I'd noticed. Then, surprisingly to me she gave me a couple of bucks, as a tip. Suddenly my feelings were mollified. I tried to refuse her tip, but she wouldn't let me. I wondered how she could have such compassion for me, a complete stranger? How was it so possible for her to see past her own life, to make such a gesture to mine? But now I see, she left her scars on my soul, and I carry them. For its the beautiful young face I remember mostly.The clean shine to her lovely brunette hair; The rosiness of her delicate cheeks, her bright white smile and beautiful sky blue eyes.

Oh, and the young man, the whole time just stood back and watched her, like watching a great movie. He was completely absorbed with her every movement. When they left, I felt a wonderful change inside of me.

Another dear, noble women in her mid-60's I would guess, would come in for gas on a regular basis. And even though she was partially crippled, from what I'd thought at the time might have been a stroke, she would always get out and pump her own gasoline. One day, I saw her pull up and I grabbed the pump nozzle and kindly insisted that I should help her.

She was very nice and chatted with me, leaning on her cane as she talked to me. She had a wonderful aura about her. A strong open and giving smile that made you feel her presence. As we talked I told her, there was never any need for her to bother with pumping her gas. I stated that even though we are a self-service station, we are happy to help with physically impaired folks. She told me she didn't mind, it let her stretch her side some. I asked her if she had, had a stroke or something and laughingly she responded,"Oh dear no, my heart is like an ox's". Then she went on to explain to me what had happened to her.

She had a very beautiful daughter she told me, and her daughter got involved with a terribly, jealous young man. He was very controlling and abusive to her, until one day he came home and didn't find her there waiting for him. He went out and hunted her down and found her at the mothers house. Pulled out a pistol and shot them both.

Her daughter had died and the man went to jail, leaving this mother with the memories of watching her daughter being shot down in cold blood, and her crippling injury to remind her of it daily. I'm sure I looked dumb founded. All I could bring myself to say is,"I'm so sorry". She reassured me that she was OK. I felt ashamed to be a man in this womans presence. And now I carry her wound with me, also.

everyone has a booty too

How good of a parking spot was it? Here in California good parking spaces can get you killed

Was just thinking today, what its like to be a 40+ single male. First of all, by just owning a computer that has an Internet connection, most of your friends assume you're a porn addict or a potential pedophile.If your neighbors don't see you with a woman, they assume you are gay or a potential pedophile (I recommend leaving beer bottles in the yard and only cut your grass when someone complains.It will at least kill the gay stigma.)When you go to a bar with your buddies, and they drool over the young hottie girls but go home to their wives, they talk to you like a punk cause you didn't score on one of the girls, they wish they had.(Dude, that chic was hot! What are you gay? You soooo coulda hit that!) Then they start joking about your shower time, and just what you do in there. What are they putting hidden cams in there?

So, go out alone then, you say. If a 40+ guy walks into a bar alone people either take him for an alcoholic loser, or a recently divorced loner that will either get drunk and whine about his life sucking or start calling all the women,"B*****s!" (Look at that b***h. I bet she took some poor sap for every cent he had, ****ing b*****s, all of them. Gimme another shot!")

If you are lucky enough to find an attractive group of ladies, and spark up alittle conversation with them, you'll probably notice how they won't walk away with their drink left on the table. That means they think you are gonna spike their drink with GHB and drag them out to the parking lot, for a date rape.Or, after spending your entire weekend money on their drinks, their boyfriends and husbands, that they somehow neglected to mention, show up and pull up to your table like Indians surrounding the wagon train and you feel about 2 inches tall as they start introducing themselves.(Hi I'm Jake, nearly crushing your fragile hand with his huge ham like biker hand as he shakes your hand in his vise like grip) So, how do you know my wife? And you think,"Is this my table? How'd I get here?" No, he won't buy that. Gulp, uuuhh, I just uhhhmmm, thought I would uhhhmmmm(jeez, are those scars on his face?) Okay, so you get pummeled and you're bleeding and you're broke. And of course its gonna rain as you walk home...counting every step.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepppppppppppp! Alright already I'm awake! Man I hate that thing. A shower, that's what I need a shower and some coffee! Jeez, I feel so tired; wish I could go back to bed. Gotta hurry, I'm running late. Where'd I put my keys now? Pocket, alright move it Will!

Good morning Mr. Jones, hope you have a great day! Who was that? Must be new in the office, just nod and smile. Oh man, there's Bob Couller, he probably knows I'm late and wants to personally reprimand me. Okay, I'll just try to look nonchalant and walk on by him.

Good morning Will, you okay, you look alittle tired? Well, sir you see... Let me get you a cup of java Will, it will help perk you up!

Huh! What did he say? A senior exec wants to get me coffee...I'm still asleep! Dang it I'm going to be so late. I bet I forgot to set that alarm again, jeez, I'm so stupid!

Here ya go Will, cream and sugar right? Uh, yeah, thank you sir. "Oh man he's getting ready to fire me, that's gotta be it." Will, no need for formalities, Bob is fine son. Uhhh, okay, uhh Bob. You have a great day Will. Gimme a call later and we'll get some lunch or something. You play golf? We can run over to the club for an extended lunch break, get in a few holes. Uhh yeah, okay sure, uh Bob, sir. Alright then, we'll see you later then Will. Have a great day!

Where am I? What just happened there?

Good morning sir! I've finished the report you were working on and placed it on your desk and sorted your mail and took the liberty of tossing out the junk mail for you. I have fresh coffee ready for you also. Do you need me to freshen that up for you sir? Uh what? No this is fine, thank you. You said you finished my report? Why, I mean thank you, but why? That must've taken your whole evening. You shouldn't have put yourself out like that. Oh, it was my pleasure sir, if there is anything else you need I'm right here, just let me know.Uhh, okay, I'll be in my office then, I guess.

What the devil is going on around here? Flowers, who put flowers in my office? And my desk, it's all neat. That girl needs a raise!

Good morning Will. Huh, who are you, I mean did we have an appointment? My secretary must've forgot to tell me. I'm so sorry, you kinda startled me there. No Will, we didn't have an appointment; I'm just here as a messenger. Oh, you're here for the Collins report. I haven't had time to look over the finished report as of yet, but my secretary finished it last night.

No, Will I'm not with any company. I'm here as a messenger . I've come to explain to you what's happening, out there in your office. Okay, messenger, just let me make one phone call and we will have some fellows take you to a nice place to get you some nice help.

Janet could you get me security please! Her name is Janis, Will and she can't here you. Hello Janet, Janis, hello? Just sit and relax Will and let me explain something to you. You do want to know why they are being so nice don't you? Well, yeah, did you have something to do with that? No, not me, but sit and I will tell you who.

You see Will, we needed you. We needed somebody that could get close to the right people. You remember the party that you attended last week don't you Will? The company party, where you were introduced to Bob Couller's family. His wife Maggie and their daughter Sarah. Do you remember Sarah, Will? Yeah, the frumpy little goth girl sure. Well then Will, then do you remember the chat you had with Sarah?

Me, talk to that kid! Sorry bud, but you gotta be mistaken. That little freak scared me to death. Thought she wanted to drink my blood or something.

Will, she's not a freak, she was just a lonely kid that needed to here the truth. And you did talk with her and you changed her life Will. Sarah, has began to read the Bible and she doesn't dress to scare people anymore. She talks to her parents about the things a young girl needs to know and is happy again Will; and Will, you helped her.

Oh see, you're confusing me with somebody else at the party. I would remember talking to that strange little kid.

No, Will it was you. And Janis, your secretary, she's still here because of you, Will.

Yeah, well I was just thinking, she needs a raise.

No, Will, She is here because you talked to her. You stopped her from committing suicide two days ago. She was in a deep depression, she had been in since her husband died. He was a soldier in Iraq, Will. He stepped on a mine while out on patrol. They'd been married 5 years Will and were very much in love. Will, you called her and talked to her. If you hadn't, she would have taken her own life that night. You saved her life, Will.

No I don't call employees at home. I'm not even sure if I have her number here. Who told you all this? I mean, its very nice of them, but it's not me, I can assure you.

Yes Will, it was you. That's why I'm here Will, to explain. You see Will, God needed you to get close to these people, so he used you. You were an angel of God, Will. You don't remember it, because God spoke to them through you. He used you, to touch their lives in a profound way and God wants you to know this. But Will, there is something else you should know. God gave you a gift. He left it there, in your heart and its waiting to be opened. He wants you to use this gift Will, to help others. When you find someone that needs you, to reach out to them Will. God gave you the gift of love Will. Now, he wants you to use it.

God gave us all a gift, open yours and share it with somebody.

Many angels, many angels in this world,
Yet so few aware,
Angels that speak to an ear
And ears that will not hear
Angels that try to reach a soul
Souls that have grown cold

They say people, what have you done
children are crying and dying
hungry and alone

People, what did you do?
You killed your brother,
Yet you say, he's the fool.
Don't you know, killing each other, doesn't make you right
And you can't win Gods love, by how well you fight.

And I asked an Angel, why does God let us all die?

This is what he told me...
If God stepped in and saved all the world,
from war and death and hunger and disease and poverty
and hatred and mental illness and birth defects and
natural disasters and pestilence and every other heart breaking painful strife on this planet,
Mankind would grow even more cold and unconcerned. The compassion for life and each other would grow empty.
As it is, we are already so self-absorbed that babies are dying from starvation while we worry about the price of gas for our SUV's, while eating a 60 dollar meal in our million dollar homes.
So some family member dies from an incurable disease and our pain and loss gives us the compassion to find a cure.
People are empty until they are filled with pain, and then it begins,
for, in the beginning there was darkness and God said let there be light...all light comes from darkness...

"From a letter to a friend"

Have you ever been on a blind date where the other person just totally freaked you out? I mean, where you kinda find yourself wondering, what the hell did I do to the butt-head that set me up with this person? And, I'm not talking because they may not be the most attractive person in the place, but you think this blind date setter upper person, might take into consideration some of your likes and interest. Or, is it possible that they truly do believe that opposites attract? Really, match makers, only thing that opposites attract is the attention of people wondering,"How the heck did that happen?"

Okay, I haven't been on a blind date since the original Star Trek episodes. But, I remember it like it was yesterday;

My dad, rest in peace, after mom divorced him, was dating this inbred sweat-hog, that I'll call, "Julie". Because her name is Julie, and if she reads this, I don't want her to be confused. One day, after working hard in the California sun, keeping my Corona cold in the ice chest while soaking my feet in Folsom Lake, Julie asked me if I would like to go on a blind date, with a co-worker of hers. I was like,"No". But after hours of pleading and the effects of the cold Coronas, I finally gave in.

I asked the inbred Julie for a description of this single lady with a job, thinking she can't be too bad. I got the standard,"She's cute with a great personality." Whoa, she did not say that, I thought to myself. So I then asked her for the dimensions of this lady. It went much like this. She has big boobs and is alittle plu....Whoa! how much we talking alittle!? A little in comparison to what? She says,"Well, she's smaller than me." I'm thinking, a Volkswagen beetle is smaller than you, that don't mean I want to be driving it around town.

I don't like knocking on people and I'm abit optimistic and I'd been drinking, so I decided to go along with it. Anyway , I got snookered.

About a week later I came home from a hard day of hanging out at the river, teaching my dog to go lay down next to hot chics sunbathing. He was learning quite well. Unfortunately, he was doing better than me. Most the girls would ask if they could play with or pet him and would wind up swimming with my dog while I watched their stuff for them on shore. Note to self; Get a cat.

Where was I? Oh yea, about a week later I come home and they tell me to get ready we are going out on a date and this lady I agreed to go out with would soon be here. So I went and took a shower, shaved and put on my favorite cologne. I even shined up my grill, so I could confidently flash my charming smile.

About thirty minutes later I hear a car pull up and this rather large egg shaped woman gets out. I didn't own a cat, but my neighbors cat had a definite look of concern and was stanced like a hurdler waiting for the gun to sound. I saw this womans head snap to the right when she caught sight of the poor feline, like a Irish setter about to break out into a full chase. Suddenly, Julie the inbred, called her name, or whistled or something, and the distraction gave the cat a chance to vanish into the bushes.

Trying to be civil,(Thinking, Julie I'm going to hurt you bad) I did all the polite hellos and began to try remembering someplace else I needed to be."Ring phone, damn you! I know something has to be happening that needs my urgent attention!" Excusing myself, I went to the restroom to wash off any traces of my cologne, and searched for something sharp to possibly injure myself accidentally with. No luck, I think they must've hidden everything. I found a Q-tip but couldn't bring myself to puncturing an eardrum.

Anyway, we went to dinner at Sam's Hoffbrau, I think it was do to the buffet style menu. It was nice except when the egg shaped one, insisted on eating her dinner from a bowl, located next to the table, on the floor. Okay, I made that up. But, this girl could put away some roast beef and mashed potato's.

Then the question came up,"Where should we go now?" I tried to say how exhausted I was and would like to call it a night, but everyone insisted on going for a drink. I'm picturing, in my mind, this girl pulling out a bowl with her name on it. I suggested several places that I have never been to before, but Julie the inbred, insisted on going to one of my favorite dives. Stating, they have live music and a big dance floor. I said that I think its Oriental karaoke night there tonight, but was thwarted by the know-it-all inbred. Finding it difficult to twist my ankle, on the way out to the car, I was dragged to my bar of humiliation.

Paying the way into the bar, I could feel the sympathetic eyes of the door guy all over me. I found it easy to hide behind the enormous egg girl and her inbred friend, while they chose a booth seat furthest from the door so we would have to cross the now busy dance floor, lit up with spotlights for all to see. I tried to make a dash for the bar, but good ol' dad proclaimed,"I got the drinks son." I told him to bring me a double shot of goldshlager and a beer. Several good looking women were there that night and I could have danced with any of them, I loved to dance, but suddenly that night I'd forgotten how. I just sat there drinking, hearing the distant blah, blah, blah of the conversation around me. I think I may have responded a time or two but always tried to appear as uninteresting and boring as I possibly could, without forcing my heart to stop beating.

Okay, I felt bad for this huge egg shaped girl too, She was undoubtedly promised by her friend, a great time. But then I'm thinking, what did Julie possibly think that I had in common with this girl, other than the fact that we both had jobs and were single? I mean I'm sure there are alot of single donut bakers or plumbers out there. I go about 180 soakin' wet and I'm pretty conscious about my weight. I asked her what she did for a living and she says,"I plug this thing in on the computers down at the Hewett-Packard plant." Like, what thing and do I look so dense that it would be too difficult for me to grasp the technical part of it?"

Okay ladies, I'm sorry if this all seams, well like I'm a jerk or something. But, I have as I'm sure you do, certain guidelines in choosing the person I intend to be seen with.

1. No gravy stains on their dress.

2. I only have one chin, why would they need two or more?

3. One small tattoo isn't bad, as long as it is not on their face or someplace that only an intimate person might see it.(A girl with more tattoos than me makes me feel like I'm her *****)

4. Don't think I can not grasp the details of your boring job.

5. Don't spend the evening telling me about your boring job.

6. Don't use me to make your old boyfriend or husband jealous.

7. Don't think I will forget that you have a penis if you can make me love you!

8. Don't have a penis.

9. I only go out with women bigger than me if they are carrying my unborn child.

10. No eye, lip, tongue, nipple, clitoris or any other strange piercings.

11. never ask me to refer to your cat or dog as Mr. or Mrs.(Whatever cutsie ass name you gave them)

12. If you got kids, its cool but they ain't borrowing my truck.

Thats just a few guidelines to go by...Have a great day and Careful Dating...